The Oracle from the Basement Predictions for Weak IV

So far, it is a banner season for doormatitis, and the Oracle from the Basement, sitting all alone with the Blitz beer neon sign, the odor of cigarette butts and stale beer, and the frayed naugahyde barstool, spins the bottle for the following predictions:

San Francisco 10
Atlanta 48

New York 24
Buffalo 3

Cincinnati 17
Cleveland 21

Detroit 35
Green Bay 21
(Yes, Kittens will win a game!)

Seattle 16
St. Louis 20
(Actually, Seattle will probably win, but I really hate those Seahags so it's the Lambs.)

Carolina 10
New Orleans 38

Houston 28
Oakland 3

Indianapolis 35
Jacksonville 17

Washington 24
Philadelphia 27
(McNabb plays great against his old team, but comes up short again)

Kansas City—does not play!

testing!

SF: Sloppy and Flawed

DOORMAT DIVISION WEEK III WRAP-UP and DIASPORA

Pansies roar to the doormat in the claws of the Bungles

DOORMAT WEAK III WRAP-UP and DIASPORA

Wow, What a difference a week makes, don’t it? Week III has a way of separating the men from the boys. Only 5 winless teams are left after a Sunday of gridiron beat-downs and shanked field goals. But, let’s get straight to the nitty-gritty ittby-bitty dirt eating dreadful football. There’s a LOT to cover.

GAME OF THE WEAK

Cheaps 31, O-and-Niners 10

The team that has no business winning clobbers the team that has no business playing football, as long they are coached by dumb people. The Niners have been ever-so-slightly flying under the Doormat radar, but NOT ANYMORE, no way, no how. And where is the Cowardly Lion when you really need him? This franchise is so delusional, they fired their offensive coordinator this morning. Almost got it guys, but your aim was a LITTLE WIDE LEFT, like most of the kicking yesterday.

Let’s just do the math: 5 sacks given up (and that’s with a mobile QB), 0 sacks for the Fool’s Goldrush. 43 yards rushing (Sunday’s low!) for a team built around Frank Gore. Maybe that’s the problem- half the offensive line is lining up BEHIND Frank Gore. If you saw any of this game, and I didn’t, it was also strikingly clear the coaching staff had prepared to play Sacramento St. The Cheaps may be bad (and after two games of ridiculous luck and then yesterday’s decisive beat-down, they may have caught the dreaded bug- confidence), but the 0-and-Niners are worse. And that’s what Week III brings home to everybody: UH-OH.

So, as you may already know, I couldn’t be happier that my Hometown team is BACK in the cellar, and not just hanging around but in FIRST in the NFC. Take that, St. Louis!!

Next Niner loss: Atlanta.

Lambs Win! Lambs Win!

St. Louis Lambs 30, Deadskins 15

Ho-Ho, Eggchair, you can’t deny it, you have a quality QB. I see at least 5 wins for these guys, especially with the increasing crop of crummy teams hanging around half the stadiums in America. The Deadskins are looking every bit more dead than last season, but let’s give credit evenly: 18 total punts. 4 total turnovers. These guys were trading sides so fast, that finally the Deadskins got mixed up and went to the locker room, giving the Lambs a skonch more room to operate. The Lambs already have 6 TDs on the year. Last year it took them eight WEEKS to get that.

Up next for the Lambs: Seahags, who inexplicably won yesterday on TWO kickoff returns. Could be a WIN for St. Louis.

Pats 38, Nils 30

Buffalo has now lost to NE 14 straight times, which ties them with most consecutive losses against the same team, all-time. They had a passing game yesterday, but still threw 2 drive killing interceptions, including the one that ended a final drive to tie.

The bad just keep getting badder…er Next loss: Jets

BLOWOUT OF THE WEEK!

Eagles 28, Gaguars 3

For point spread, the Gags tie with the TampaBums (25), but Gags don’t score a touchdown, so put a feather in your throat and start the gagging, Jacksonville.

Michael Vick may have been able to beat these guys all by himself…oh, he did?

Gag's next loss: Colts

The Rest of the Sorry Pile

The Stiff of the Week is definitely Bungles-Pansies (20-7), and have you ever noticed that, though never completely in the cellar, the Bungles are involved in HIGH number of Stiffs? 14 punts (yet no returns on 8 punts for Pansies (wonder when the Pansies finally crossed the 50 on offense?), 6 turnovers. 20 changes of possession. They must have run out of ADS on TV and had to start running public service announcemounts by the 3^rd quarter, although, really, do we ever get tired of hearing “Old Spice, the Greatest Smell in the NFL?” I don’t.

Ravens 24, Brownies 17

Brownie Bake Sale just keeps on trucking with a cough-up in Baltimore. They were awarded FZ t-shirts and given a post-game reading of The Raven. Win column? Nevermore, you knuckleheads.

Steelers 38 TampBums 13

Bums are bad, but this is their FIRST loss, so I don’t even know why I’m talking about them. Get ‘em outta here.

Vikes 24 Kittens 10

Detroit unintentional QB Shaun Hill does his thing again- play like an under-control, disciplined QB for 25 minutes, and then toss up a freebie at least twice just to be considerate and not seem too cocky, or likely to win. Vikes win because Lions don’t know how.

Cardinals 24, Raydurzzzz 23

Raydurz kicker SeaBass misses what for him is a chip shot as time expires. The only guy who is MONEY on this team blows it at the gun, proving that when you make a culture of losing, anyone can step up at any given moment and screw one for the team.

Raydurz also still one of the best teams at bumbling, even without Ja-miss-it: On one punt, returner J.L. Higgins (3 returns for 8 yards, wow man) made a guy miss, then ran sideways and ran right back into the same guy.

WRAP-UP and Diaspora

Diaspora because this is the week of hot seat firings by teams that see the rats streaming off the ship. Niners top the list. Who’s next? STILL WINLESS: Kittens, 0-and-Niners, Pansies, Brownie-wownies, Nils. Worst team? Niners. They’ve scored less points, have worst turn-over +/- ratio, have terrible coaching, and are panicking as well.

Well done, San Francisco, the “city that knows how (to limp-wrist it).” Mark Oct. 24^th on your calendars, because that’s the day the Pansies visit Candlestink Park. Could be epic. My punting foot gets sore just thinking about it.

THIS WEEK’S LOWS

Points: 3 Pansies

First Downs: 11 Niners

Total yards: 227 Cardinals (Niners 2^nd 251)

Rushing : 43 Niners

Passing: 54 Gaguars (wow!)

Least TDs for the year: 3 Pansies

Turnovers: 4 Gags

Penalties: 11 for 123, Raydurz (the #1 foot shooting team in the NFL, that’s because there’s more ammo in Oakland).

aaaAAAAAAAAAA that’s the view from the BASEMENT!!!!

DOORMAT DIVISION WEAK III PREVIEW

The Doormat Division Weak III Preview

Well, it’s still early in the season, we’ve got EIGHT teams at 0-2, but we can’t expect them to have completely given up yet…but I don’t know why not! The Pansies have a lame duck coach, so on top of their slowly dismantling a team that was NFC Championship material just a couple seasons ago, the players can tune out John Fox ALL SEASON. So, Pansies are solidly in the basement, and not going anywhere but down.

Browns. Still looking for a QB. Isn’t Colt McCoy lurking around on the sideline somewhere? Delhomme has had that WTF look on his mug since the disastrous NFC championship game two years ago, and it just gets worse in Cleveland. These guys won 4 straight to finish last year. No carry-over.

Kittens. You can’t fire Matt Millen again, so now what? You go play the Vikes for an 0-2 scrum. I actually think Detroit is better than last year, but what does that say? We find out on Sunday.

Nils. Pro football Refernce.com lists Buffalo as an INACTIVE franchise. These guys could- go- all – the – way. They're just...wow.

Games of the Weak

Detroit Kittens (0-2) vs. Minnesota Vikings (0-2)

The Vikings are favored by 11 points, but have world’s oldest football player on their team, and he is their leader. It’s an interesting concept. If I’m Detroit, I go for him every single play. Kittens QB Shaun Hill will actually not make many mistakes, so this game is about bonehead plays by everybody else, which Detroit is the king of. But, Vikings are reeling, and this should be a bumblefest. Could also be blowout of the week, so I’ve got my butt covered.

Kittens win. 27-23

0-and-Niners (0-2) at Cheaps (2-0)

I still can’t get my mind around that 2-0 next to KC. It’s just wrong. Last time this matchup was interesting, Joe Montana won it for the Cheaps. Who knows what the Niners are going to show up with? Steve Young? They lead the league in turnovers +/- (-5) and that’s what the Cheaps need lots of. Niners will take care of ball this time.

Frank Gore up the gut. Frank Gore right. Frank Gore left.

Niners 17 Cheaps 0

Raiders (1-1) at Arid-zona (1-1)

I think the Cardinals might be pretty damn bad. It’s a toss-up. Gradkowski at QB for Raiders, until he gets hurt in the 3^rd quarter.

OK here’s three games that could all be just terrific tangles of terrible tactics:

Steelers 15 TampaBums 9 Bums lose, but it’s an ugly game.

*Deadskins 12 Lambs 7 Lambs lose, but it’s an ugly game.

Bungles 19 Pansies 3. Pansies lose, but it’s an ugly game.

*Stiff of the Week

Speaking of stiffs, I have to get out of this barcalounger, and pretend I’m working….

See you Sunday in the Basement!!

Blowout of the Week!

Saints 25 0-and-Niners 22

Ok so it was not the Blowout of the Week, but instead a helluva game that almost went the Niners way. The safety at the beginning came back to haunt the Niners, and the muffed punt at the end was a real killer. So, though they clearly aren't as bad as the team that showed up in Seattle last week (and that was really bad), they still do Doormat, and THEY'RE STILL TIED with the Lambs for last in the NFC West.

And the Doormat Division. On to Kansas City, where I think, quite maybe, the Niners bring the Cheaps down to earth. and shove them into the abandoned gold mine. Unless it rains 9 inches.

-wacko

DOORMAT DIVISION WEAK II Wrap-Up and Dispoal

DOORMAT DIVISION WEAK II Wrap-Up and Disposal

Some new contenders are appearing on the distant hash-mark, down there amongst the abandoned blocking contraptions and gin bottles the groundskeeper dropped.

Dallas Cowgirls 0-2 His dad he ain’t, but Wade Phillip’s bum must be getting pretty warm.

Minnesota Antiques- 0-2 Brett Favre doesn’t just LOOK old.

But, let’s face it, these new pretenders have nothing on our core group of experts, who really took it to the loss column yesterday. These guys are BANK. We know who I’m talking a-BOUT. Lambs! Brownies! Nils! Kittens!

Lambs lose to a terrible team! Brownies lose to a team that STILL hasn’t scored an offensive touchdown on a drive longer than 10 yards! Kittens lose two very close games, and the morale has to be wavering. Down they go! Nils! Nils! Nils! I don’t have to write a thing about those guys. I think they’re the IT team this year.

Game of the Weak

Raydurz 16 Lambs 14.

First, I’d like to point out that the Brownies and Cheaps bumbled their way to the same score, but I’m going with the Raydurz, who have it all down to a science, except that they keep putting Bruce Gradkowski into the game, the fans and team get inexplicably fired up, and they win. 25 first downs will not lose the game, men. Some game totals, from the blacked-out nether reaches of Oakland: 20 total penalties. 5 sacks. 3 interceptions. 3 fumbles, 9-27 on third downs. These teams were working it, but the Raydurz were no match for the Lambs, and who is? Sam Bradford is getting to work on his evasion skills, which he needs to work on, and Stephen Jackson is no help, even after my predictions, which were WRONG.

The Raydurz should release Gradkowski…they’re not getting any consistency this way.

Raydurz have done one thing right- got rid of the 4-headed running back, and now they give it to Darren McFadden, who has been their best back for 3 years but nobody noticed.

STIFF OF THE WEEK

Bengals 15 Ravens 10

A true stinker is a game where there are no touchdowns, neither team gets more than 9 first downs, there are more than 15 punts, and at least 4 turnovers. Plus the weather is horrible, you forgot your poncho, your BBQ tipped over at the tailgate, melted your cooler, and you stepped in a dogpile on your way into the stadium, but don’t notice until you sit down. This is a hard standard to match, or exceed, but it helps sort things out when it’s almost too close to call. AND WE HAVE A CLOSE ONE.

Following these standards, the Bengals-Ravens win vs. Cheaps- Brownies by a FRACTION.

Here’s the comparison!

Ben/Rav Ch/Brwn

Punts 15 14

Turnovers 4 3

First Downs 28 29

Touchdowns 1 3

Penalties 14 13

But, I’m sorry you can’t score three touchdowns and be the Stiff of the Week.

WORST UNDEFEATED TEAM EVER

Celebrate now, Cheaps fans. This can’t last. I sure frikkin’ hope not. The Cheaps have NOT had a real touchdown drive. They are 2-0. The pathetic 0-and-9ers are coming to Arrowhead next week, and….God, they could go 3-0. Oh, this is painful. But, on the upside, after tonight’s blowout against the Saints, the Niners could nail town being my NFC team by losing in KC next week. I would have no choice buy to put on my Red and Gold and be one of the Pointlessly Faithful. But, come ON, Cheaps, you can’t go 3-0 and be in the Doormat Division. There’s just no perspective over there.

And let’s not forget the TampaBums. Also 2-0, admittedly playing only Doormat teams, and next week the unsteady Steelers limp into town. But at least it’s a real game.

BLOWOUT OF THE WEAK

That’s tonight, sports fans. Saints-Niners. Although, the Falcons really did a serious beat-down on the Cardinals.

THE REST OF THE SORRY PILE

Bums 20 Pansies 7. Pansies looking like they’ve opened some bigger holes in their porous defense, and have simplified their offense to a one touchdown machine. Watch out for these guys.

Kittens 32, Eagles 35 This had to really hurt at the Catbox (isn’t that their new stadium?), as Shaun Hill brings his A game to Detroit. Tantalizingly close. Still, he’s better than what the Niners got rid of him for.

Seahags LOSE! Yay. We can all appreciate this.

Gaguars Lose! Getting on track.

Nils 7, MeatPackers 34. I pretty much nailed this one. I understand the Nils. I am in harmony. But their not my team, so what kind of fool am I? 4 sacks, 2 interceptions, only 11 completions. 62 yards passing. Will the Nils win the anemic totals derby again this week? Let’s find out:

I really shouldn’t do this until tonight’s game ends, but WTF:

DOORMAT WEAK II ANEMIC STATS DERBY!!

POINTS: 7 Pansies, Cardinals

Total yards: 127 Steelers (and they WON)

Passing: 21 Steelers (21? 21?)

Rushing: 18 Deadskins (these guys are still on the radar)

Rushing BOTH TEAMS: 74 Bears-Cowgirls. Watch for many more losses from these two, though Mike Martz does have Jay Cutler happily slinging away.

Turnovers: 6 Gaguars (wow)

Penalties: 10-107 Cardinals

As you can see, the Doormat Division is getting a lot of competition around the league. The whole damn league is off to a Doormat start, if you ask me.

aaaaAAAAAAND THAT’s THE VIEW FROM THE BASEMENT!!!

DOORMAT DIVISION WEAK II PREVIEW

Doormat Division Weak II Preview!

EXXTRA EXXXXTRA EXXXXXXTRA BAD!!

There will be a lot of dust settling over the worst bunch of losers we’ve seen in some time this week, as we have THREE divisional head-to-head matches. We’ll know who the real Pansies are after this week.

Games of the Weak

St.Louis Lambs at Oakland Raydurz

Sam Bradford will not throw 50 passes because the The Silver and Blacked Out (it’s a home game, dude, thank you, NFL, for this merciful bounty) are having Stephen Jackson Day out at the Mt. Davis Stadium.

Anybody wearing a Stephen Jackson uniform that is also ON THE FIELD will be allowed into the secondary on any given play. The Lambs, on the other hand, will be eating grass all afternoon, especially Bradford, should he be fool enough to drop back behind whatever passes for a line on that ‘team.’ This week will answer the questions on everybody lips in Oakland: Will we go 2-14, or 4-12? Can we injure Sam Bradford?

LAMBS 21, Raydurz 4

Kansas City Cheaps attend Cleveland Brownie Bake Sale

Cheaps may not be the first team to use Incredible Downpour as their gameplan, but nobody’s done it better. Out at Slip n’ Slide Stadium, their offense scored because somebody slipped, the punt return was a Keystone Cops kind of deal, and the goal line stand at game’s end, well, you can’t call a STAND. So, if it’s not a complete deluge on Sunday, Brownies get Brownie points and get one in the win column.

If Cheaps win, I quit.

Brownies 17 Cheaps 0

BLOWOUT of THE WEAK

Saints at 0-and-Niners

This should be a beat down beyond all dimension. The 49ers are pointing fingers, all at the offensive coordinator, Mike Singletary has gone around biting reporters all week, sounding like a paranoid bully (great for team morale) and Alex Smith is still QB and he still doesn’t know which guys are his receivers. Give him another year, I’m sure he’ll come ‘round. He’ll need a year to come ‘round after tomorrow.

Saints 45 0-and-Niners 14

THE REST OF THE LOSERS

Kittens 0, Eagles 37

Kitttens host Philly: Michael Vick gets the start, Shaun Hill is taking the snaps for the Lions (which actually gives them a chance)…..Kittens are toast.

Gaguars 10, Chargers 37

Seahags 24 Broncos 23

I really have to change teams.

TampaBums 6, Pansies 13 Third intramural game of the week!!

This could be the STINKER OF THE WEEK. These teams are LAME. In fact, they both are switching to silver lame’ pants. Who are the Nils playing?

Nils 3, Packers 24

Nils do have a defense. In fact, they have so much defense that half the offense is defense. Pack shouldn’t get 45…but they might.

aaaaAAAND that's today's Weak II preview!

Calvin Johnson and the Mustard Factor

What did the fans say?

"It was a good call by the rule book. But what a flawed and foobar rule… when does the process of catching the ball end — on the flight home? Weak as water, NFL rule makers."

What did the Freep say?

"It was a touchdown at just about any other level of football. Except in the NFL.

Wide receiver Calvin Johnson’s nullified 25-yard grab with 24 seconds left in the Lions’ 19-14 loss Sunday to the Bears would have been a touchdown catch in high school and college.

It would have been a catch in the Canadian Football League and the Arena Football League. Even in the Western Suburban Junior Football League in Michigan it would be a completion."

What do I say?

It's the mustard factor. If he doesn't hot dog it, the ref doesn't care. But he spikes the ball at the end of the roll, showoffy-like, and what does the ref think? "Not in my endzone, dufus." And bam, no touchdown because the ref sticks to the letter of the rules when the player needs mustard.

WEAK I Wrap-Up and Disposal

DOORMAT DIVISION WEAK I FINAL RESULTS

Wow, what a way to kick-off the season!!!! All the greats lost yesterday, and Gaguars won because they played the Broncos, who have every intention of breaking into this division, now that Mike Shanahan finally left town, and they can start making Slurples in the trainer’s room. And boy didn’t the Niners look like serious Doormat material?? They had it ALL going on yesterday.

Yours truly has to think this over, because I really like the Bears who won yesterday in such stellar cellar style that it is hard to pass them up…even if they did win. But my Niners….whoo-eeee.

But enough of my options, let’s get down to brass tacks:

GAME OF THE WEEK:

Bears 19, Lions 14

Now, it’s TRUE the Cheaps haven’t taken the field yet, so who knows what they are going to throw down, or up, but I don’t know if you can top this.

You cannot, I repeat, cannot top this ending- the Lions score a last minute touchdown, 19 seconds to go, and the receiver puts the ball on the rug before finishing the play, as he was in such a hurry to celebrate. Touchdown NULL!!! This loss, losing to their NFC north divisional rival in ineptitude- Da Bears- puts the Lions firmly in the driver’s seat in Weak I.

Couple that with QB Stafford getting his shoulder pulled like taffy again, and you’ve got a team heading south already.

BLOWOUT OF THE WEAK:

Seahawks 31 Niners 6

There were some other choices- Raydurz come to mind, that was pathetic- but any team that can hold the ball 22:30 to 7:30 minutes in the first half and be BEHIND 14-6 has really got cahones so small you could use an ANT to carry them both. Niners 1-15 on third down converts, and a gaudy 4.6 yards per pass play. That good old Bill Walsh “Dink ‘n Shrink” offense. Poor Bill….spinning in his grave, it’s got to be rough on the constitution.

LOSER and STIFF of the WEEK:

Nils 10, Floppers 15 with a nod to Deadskins 13, Cowgirls 7

The Kittens, Cheaps and Lambs better look out- there’s a new kid on the block, and he’s not going away any time soon. The Nils clock in with 9 first downs, 166 yards total offense, and Buffalo and Miami put together the most depressing opening day game for either team, except Miami gets out of Buffalo with less stink on them. The Nils pick up EXACTLY where they left off last season. It’s gratifying to see such consistency in a franchise.

Wrap-UP and Disposal

The TampaBums, Seahags, Gaguars the only winners, as the Bums tried valiantly, but could not out-horrible the Brownies. Seahags out of the league this week. The RAYDURZ showed us why maybe JaMarcus Russell spent so much time anesthetizing himself- they have NO offensive line. That was truly truly the Raydurz showing their independent spirit- nobody on the same page.

I twisted my back yesterday, and am going to go straight to the numbers, because I can’t sit in this chair any longer!!!!

THIS WEEK’S LOWS

Points: 6 - Niners ( I had this wrong!)

Total Yards: 166 Nils

Rushing Yards: 50 Nils (okay Colts got 44, but threw for 419 yards, so doesn’t count)

Passing Yards: 116 Nils (this is getting monotonous)

Turnovers: 5 Pansies- two of these were End Zone interceptions- total bonehead passes that had absolutely no chance. And they came in rapid fire- within 3 minutes of each other. Now that’s benching material….if they had another QB to put in there.

Penalties: 12- 91yards Cowgirls and 10 for 100 yards BEARS. That’s putting the hurt in a whistle.

Time of Possession: 23:00 NILS

aaaaaaaAAAAAAAND THAT'S THE VIEW FROM THE BASEMENT!!!

Weak I Preview 2010

And so it begins...the sacks....the fumbles....the missed assignments....the inexplicable delays in the huddle....the shanked punts....the blown coverages....the empty seats...

The Doormat Division kicks off- some might say BOOTS- the season!!!!

Gosh, it's only Weak I and we have two CRUCIAL Doormat (hard not to write Cellar) tilts.

Kittens at Care-Bears. Chicago has every chance of being The Unbearables, and they get their chance in the first game. Detroit has one of it's best chances at a victory today. This could be a season defining game, when you consider that one or two victories is what it takes around here. Chicago definitely on the watch list for the division.

Kittens 13, Unbearables 6

Brownies at Tampa Bay- are the Brownies improved? How will we know in this game? The two teams that come out of these games with a ZERO in the win column have the early inside track. Tampa Bay has made no discernable improvements over last year, other than less throw back games wearing the ultimate loser uniform.

Brownies 24, Bootineers (Bums) 14

These scores are impossible to predict, of course, because when you have TWO bad teams get together, the score can end up 44-41.

BLOW OUT OF THE WEEK:

hard to call, actually in this first week- I think we're going to get a shocker-

Raydurz at Tennessee? Raydurz got rid of Mr. Slurple. that's good for 17 points.

Cardinals at Lambs? I hear the Cards have been using a life-size cut-out of Kurt Warner most of the preseason, so it may be hard to run up the score. Sam Bradford.....duck.

Miami at Buffalo. any game with the Nils in it is blowout potential. although, they DO have a defense. They just don't have a way to score.

Bongos at Gaguars- not blowout material, and actually dangerous game for Gaguars, because they might win. Could be inverse blowout. a Blow-in. Imploder.

Pansies at NY Giants....wait, anybody got the Pansies?

Seahags vs. Niners- this game will be so boring. Oh my gosh. 6-3.

OK, get the Barcalounger positioned, put the worst beer you've got on ice, grab the half-eaten 14 lb. bag of Costco chips leftover from the Super Bowl that you threw in the corner and forgot about....is that guacamole still good?....and THROW THAT SPHEROID DOWN THE FIELD!!!!

The Schedule

OK I finally looked at the schedules for our teams, but I've quit caffeine again, and so my brain fog makes it impossible to deduce anything.

Other than maybe I should have looked at these BEFORE making my choices. The NFC west is terrible. The 49ers could WIN the division. Now that's just wrong. For example, it is probably a bad idea to pick any team in the Lambs divison. That's two victories right there. Seahags may be bad enough to drop one to Lambs.

If the Kittens can get past Chicago, they could lose their next 7 games, easy. The Lambs get to play a whole SLEW of cellar teams, and Sam Bradford, if he doesn't get a concussion each week, could win more than 3 games. Lambs don't play a contender until week 6, and then only Atlanta, 49ers (twice) and New Orleans after that. It's Downy soft. Pansies have good-team/bad-team schedule (almost every other week, it's quite unique).

Sleeper team: Denver Bongos. They could be just horrible.

Cleveland, despite the 4 wins to close it out, can aspire to the Moldy Carpet because they have a monster schedule rife with playoff teams. Cheaps may have a better defense, but their early schedule is the stuff disillusionment (and boy was that hard to spell at 7 am) is made of.. By game 6 (Jags), KC should be leading league in sacks allowed.

Maybe just ONE cup of tea.....