DOORMAT DIVISION MLB
NATIONAL
W - L GB L10
Phillies 24-50 20.5 3-7 (.324)
Giants 27 -51 24.5 1-9 (.346)
Padres 31-45 19.5 2-8
Reds 31-43 8 2-8
Mets 34-41 11 4-6
Marlins 34-40 10.5 5-5
How the Giants are not worse than the Phillies, I don't know. But they looked terrible against the Fails when they dropped by the park in Philly a few weeks ago, so I'm confident the Pipsqueaks will prevail.
Also, Mets just swept the Giants, so that showed the Mets to just be posers.
dig the 'aroma' coming off that logo!
AMERICAN
W-L GB L10
White Sox 32-42 7.5 4-6
Athletics 34-42 17.5 6-4
Kittens 33-42 7 2-8
Blue Jays 36-39 5 4-6
Orioles 37-38 4 5-5
It's hard to count the Oakland Apathetics in our standings, since they really are just a minor league phenom auditioning club, which then disperses all talent to other teams. In fact, the rinky-dink stadium behavior (especially the drums/bells) places them solidly as a Major Minor League operation.
SOME CLARIFICATION
Now that more than a few of our favorite teams in Major League Baseball are imploding in fabulous Doormat fashion (please submit your NICKNAME suggestions now), it occurred to us to define a few points as to what constitutes a banner year in Doormat Division during the summer. If you have some other yardsticks to lay down, call the dugout phone and let us know.
Here they are:
1. Lose 100 games. Still the great benchmark for any season of stunning futility and firings.
Both the Phillies (the Fails?) and the Giants are well on their way to 100.
1B. Post a winning percentage below .400. This really should be a losing percentage over .600, but we'll just go along with the 'winners' people for now.
2. Finish the season 30 games out. If you can can reach thirty games out by the All-Star Break, you are in rarified air... The Giants are already 24.5 games out. When's the All-Star Break?
3. Post a staff ERA over 5.00
This might be asking a bit much. 4.50 might be more inclusive. Giants at 4.82 A's 4.76
4. Post a team batting average under .250
A's .243 !! Giants .241 and that's after the recent offensive explosion (during a 1-12 streak).
5. Have three catchers, and have less than 10 home runs total for all three.
6. Average under 20,000 fan attendance. Marlins, anyone? This figure is permanently skewed, thanks to reporting ticket sales and not actual attendance. Some Marlins games, it looks like there are 8,000 people there...TOPS.
7. Lower the beer prices. When you realize that you are really running a minor league operation, adjust or die.
8. Be at least 10 games out in June, 18 out in August and 22 out in September. Unless you play in the AL Central, and then it's 7.
aaaaaND THAT'S THE VIEW FROM THE BASEMENT!!!
