1. Carolina Pansies draft Cam Newton, a man so big he can be his own lineman....which is exactly what he's going to have to do there in Carolina. You're going to find out just how many NFL players you can fit on the head of your helmet, Cam. Have fun. We'll find out just how inaccurate your inaccurate passing IS. That stuff INCREASES in the NFL, ya know.
This goes for Jake Locker, who goes 8th to the Titanics. Someone said, 'he needs to work on his accuracy.' I've got news- you are either accurate or you are not, by the time you finish college. Steve Young said so, and I tend to believe him. He was kinda accurate.
The pick #13, though, Auburn DE Nick Fairly to the Kittens, is pretty interesting, considering they have Suh already tearing it up over there. Lions just guaranteed winning....7 games. That gets them out of the 10 club, so wow. Lions also snagged Titus Young from Boise St., and they already get up and down the field plenty, so that just might turn it into a real circus over there at the Kat Box. QB Stafford will injure his shoulder opening a can of tuna, however. Sean what's-his-name will be back on the field in no time!
The Raiders, though technically not a loser (8-8, which gets your coach fired), do NOTHING in the draft. They didn't even have a first round pick. They took Penn St. Center Wisniewski in the 2nd round, and that's about as not game changing as you can get.
The 49ers, and I'm living right here in SF and a total total skeptic of all their recent draft efforts, may have gotten away with one in the second round- Nevada QB Colin Kaepernick. This guy can throw ACCURATELY, but has a long wind-up (bad), can run, can stand up, and has two ears. He'll NEED the ears- he'll have to listen to Jim Harbaugh a lot....if he ever gets to report to camp. Look for him to be starting by the 5th game. The first 4 games the 49ers will go with Jim Harbaugh.
Apparently, a lot of the draftees didn't understand that the lockout means there's no reporting to your team. So this leads us to the really important Vegas odds question:
WHICH TOP DRAFTEE WILL REPORT TO CAMP 40 POUNDS OVERWEIGHT? There's plenty of time between now and whenever the lockout is going to end to schedule celebratory BBQs, lavish nights out with your new entourage, and general couch potato video game pizza diving until coach texts you regarding coming in for a helmet fitting for your newly fattened head. Have another PBR, dude, with a PBJ.
Please report in on your teams, comrades. How'd ja do??
aaaAAAAND THAT's THE VIEW FROM THE BASEMENT!!!
