DOORMAT DIVISION WEEK 3 RESULTS!!

Well, other than the restraining order, having an actual job, getting locked out of the Basement for 3 weeks (thanks, 'Fish for finally just busting in and fighting through the stink and laying in some brewskis), there really is NO reason for us to not have been doing our duty.

Except that we said we were giving this up.  But...after 3 weeks, I just CAN'T.

DOORMAT DIVISION FANTASY STANDINGS  WEEK III

DOORMAT DIVISION STANDINGS

NFC

              W-L        PF-PA

daBares   0-3         46 - 105

Aints       0-3          60 - 84

Kittens    0-3          56 - 83

Whiners  1-2          45 - 93

Boots     1-2          49 - 80

AFC

Cravens  0-3          70 - 84

Floppers 1-2          51 - 74

Gaguars  1-2          49 - 91

Blots       1-2          66 - 83

Brownies 1-2          58 - 72

STIFF OF THE WEEK

Reelers  12,  Lambs  6

There was a touchdown in the game.  2nd quarter.  After that….what kinda sandwiches we got?  The Reelers like to go for 2 almost every time, it increases their chances of losing by 1 point.  But, this is the Lambs we’re talking about here, so good luck with THAT strategy.  As predicted by me, Big Ben goes down in week 3 and throws the high-powered Reeler offense into reverse.  Tune in Thursday for the short-week debacle against the winless Ravens (Cravens).

BLOWOUT OF THE WEEK

Whiners 7,  Cardinals 47

Sure, the 49ers looked ominously bad last week. But here in the Doormat Division, one week is not enough to earn our respect. 

HOWEVER. Today, 49er QB Colin Kaepernick came out with a determination not seen in the NFL in years. TWO pick sixes within the first TWO minutes of play, and after only 4 passes! Completing only 9 passes for the entire game, Scampernick logged in with 4 total interceptions, and at least 10 passes that appeared to be headed in no particular direction! Quoted earlier this week as saying he's "finally being allowed to be himself" but in his usual cryptic way, 'ol Kaep unveiled what he was driving at. WE HAD NO IDEA he could drive a team into the ditch nearly all by himself. 

But let's share the accolades- the Whiners have a sort of Marx Brothers circus going on in the defensive backfield that Cardinal QB Carson Palmer was certainly getting plenty of entertainment from. I'm serious, I think I could get open for a quick slant against these guys. 

And, just when you thought it couldn't get any better, the Whiners tossed in a safety, and then just stopped tackling in the second half, ballooning the Cardinals rushing totals, 139, far beyond what those guys should be getting. 

Keep your eye on this team. They-could-go-all-the-way!!!!!

Next loss- GREEN BAY.

As bad as the O-for-9ers may be, they are a paltry 4th place in the Doormat NFC.  The competition is STIFF.

BASEMENT EXIT?

Raiders 27, Cleveland 20

The Raiders are fun to watch. Derek Carr is obviously very very game for a wild game.  He’s perfect for the Raiders.  They’re just not Doormat material!  The Brownies, on the other hand, are clearly still doing things the Brownie way.  Start a washed up quarterback who has never been good anywhere over the guy that went to rehab, really really wants to win ball games, and at this point geez just throw him out there. They aren’t really doing things the Lou Groza way over there on Lou Groza Way.  

The NFC

Bears have an astounding 46-105 point differential, after getting shut out by Seattle.  Lions get to travel to Safeco next.  Lions-Bears will be a marquee game if they can stay winless unless they meet Oct. 18th.  daBares  host the Raydurz next Sunday. The Aints had to rest Drew Brees, and even if he plays next week it will take a real bomb job by the other team to stick a W on the Aints.  

THE ENTIRE AFC

The only winless team are the Ravens.  Anybody?  Hard to believe they’re the worst of the crop right?  Plus, they get the Big-Ben-less Reelers this Thursday.  That’s a toss-up.  I gave up on the Steelers and BOOM, Rothlisberger goes down with a knee injury just like I predicted.  And they STILL can’t lose to the Lambs.  

 The best bet might be to hang on to your team until week 5 or 6 when things start to shape up.  And, of course, one of those teams is going to be 4-2 and then lose 9 of the last 10.  But who that is will take some real serious Tarot card reading.

aaaAAAAAAAAAA- oh, I just can’t type that, the blog is dead.  Long live the blog!