DOORMAT DIVISION WEEK 4 WRAP UP!!!!

DOORMAT DIVISION WEEK FOUR WRAP-UP

There is only ONE un-victorious team left, the illustrious Detroit Kittens, and tonight they have a chance to separate themselves from the rest of the NFL and reach 0-4.  They’re at Seattle, so things look good.  The Seahags haven’t been perfect, but the Lions have, so we’ll go with the Kitties pulling down an L and making it a thing of beauty.

And, in case you hadn’t noticed, it’s the Year of the Penalty.  Buffalo logged in yesterday with 17 for 135 yards the Jets with 14 for 163, though those were Imperial Yards.   That’s an insane amount of yardage and penalties.   The Jets won.

DOORMAT DIVISION STANDINGS

NFC

                  W-L         PF-PA

Kittens        0-3          56 – 83

Whiners     1-3           48 - 110

daBares     1-3           68 - 125

Boots         1-3           72 – 117

Aints          1-3           86 – 104

AFC

                  W-L           PF-PA

Gaguars     1-3             62 – 107

Floppers    1-3             65 – 101

Brownies   1-3             85 -102

Cravens     1-3             93 - 104

Cheaps      1-3            100 -125

WEEK 4  WRAP UP

BLOW OUT OF THE WEEK

Texans 21, Falcons 48

It was 42-0 before the Falcons started choosing fans from the stands to play D.   The Toxins are rounding into shape, folks.  4 Turnovers, two returned for touchdowns.  Wow.

THE WILD FINISH

Jags 13, Colts 16 (OT)

There were a lot of close ones this week, teams pulling out last second losses in dire situations that could have ended in a demoralizing victory, but the Jags have no competition:  with the game tied with 6 seconds to go, placekicker Jason Myers sails one right- but WAIT the Colts called time out.  The Jags line up again and…Myers sails it again!  Overtime!  Then, the Jags got close enough for Myers to…hook one to the left.  Finally, out of options, the Colts kick a field goal themselves and just take the dingdong win.  Gags move into first place in the Doormat AFC.

Browns 27,  Chargers 30

The Chargers were game.  The Brownies actually scored points. But they pulled it off- a last second FG by the Blots keeps the Blank Helmet Dream moving.  Cleveland, you disappoint like nobody else.  And we love you for it.

DOORMAT EXHIBITION IN LONDON

Dolphins 14, Jets 27

I was worried when the Jags were not being sent back to represent the Doormat in London this year, but never fear, Florida has a surplus of talent in the Basement, and the Floppers delivered.  Pip pip!  Cheerio!  For he’s a jolly good punter!  Sadly, the Flops fired coach Philbin before he could even finish his fish and chips at Heathrow.  That’s no way to run a Doormat franchise..unless you are going to promote the guy all the players like on the coaching staff to run the team.  We’ll see.

DEATH MARCH SEASON

49ers 3,  Packers 17

After getting shelled two weeks in a row, this score at least looks close.  Don’t be fooled.  Though the 49er D played real football, the 49er offense is so bad that…they may not win another game.  I watched this one, and I don’t see how they will. The O-line can’t run block, can’t pass block, QB Kaepernick appears to have lost all his confidence, sailing balls out of bounds and scudding passes over the middle (‘scudding’ is bouncing the pass), visibly frustrated receivers, it’s all there.  48 points after 4 games is WAY OUT IN THE LEAD for lowest point total.   Not even Jacksonville can touch that, and that’s really really saying something. 

Also, Levi stadium really has a problem- there is nobody in the 50-yard line seats.  They call it the Red Hole (how charming), and it really looks weird when the cameras scan the seats.  It’s like a Division II college game being played there.  Oh, wait, I think I got it. 

THE REST OF THE SORRY PILE

Raiders 20,  Bears 23

Coming into Chicago, riding a two game winning streak, the Raiders aren’t going to give up their Doormat Team of the Decade status easily.  They aren’t going to just hand it to daBares.  And they didn’t.  Kicking a FG with two seconds to go, daBears are forced to take the win, at home, when they could have effectively ended their season, and gone on a losing streak for the ages.  Tough luck, newbie. 

Bucs 23,  Panthers 37

Boots QB Jameis Winston gets it really going for TB with FOUR INTs – one a pick-six. 

Bucs toss in a fumble return for a Panther TD, and these guys look solid.  Only problem is their division has the Aints.  Says here the Aints win both of those.  Unless they already lost to them.  What do I know, I live in the basement with a broom closet for company.

Eagles  20,  Redskins 23

The wheels are coming off.  There is no spare.

Chiefs 21,  Bengals 36

7 Field goals by the Cheaps.  Good GOD.

THE WORST STATS FOR WEEK  4

Points:           3     49ers

First Downs:  8           49ers

Total Yards:  196         49ers

Passing:     96              Steelers

Rushing:   54               Texans 

Red Zone Failure:        0-whatever   Chiefs

Turnovers:  5               Bucs

Raspberry Turnovers (for TDs): 2      Bucs,  2  Texans

Punts:  8                      NYG

Penalties:  14/163        Jets   (9 teams had more than 80 yards in penalties. I have never seen that)

aaaAAAAAAAnd That's the View from the Basement!!!!!