The regular season is over, and the historic 0-16 Brownie party continues on the icy shores of Lake Eerie. Over 30,000 gallons of Captain Morgan Spiced Rum have been consumed. But history is still to be made because Doormats are are in the playoffs! Doormat coverage is not over yet.
First, the 9-7 Buffalo Bills. They ended a great run of 18 consecutive seasons without a playoff appearance (the longest in NFL history) despite a mostly Doormat performance throughout the season. With an 0-4 record in the Super Bowl and no playoff victories since 1994, they are truly one of the greatest doormat teams of all time. If they lost this weekend, their victory drought will be over 23 years! And who do they play? Another Doormat perennial, the 10-6 Jacksonville Jaguars. They have just finished a 10-year playoff drought of their own, when they were pasted by the hated Patriots in the Divisional Round. This smash mouth tilt in gator country is the Doormat Game of the Week!
By the way, with Buffalo making the playoffs, the Cleveland Browns step into the top of the the leader board with 15 seasons without a playoff appearance? Can they make it to 19? Depends on the draft this year. We wil be watching closeley.
Second, the Titans (9-7) play the Chiefs (10-6). The Chiefs played some of the best doormat football during mid season, but they ended the schedule with some outstanding play. They might actually make it to the Super Bowl. The Titans, on the other hand, have squeaked into the playoffs and we expect the Chiefs to pop their bubble by the end of the first quarter. However, under the highly uninspired play of Alex Smith, the Chiefs can lose anywhere anytime, as they proved with an 0-5 run this season.
Third, the lowely Rams have reached true heights this year. We beleive they will leave the Doormat patio for many years. Happy trails to you, guys! Hope you get all the way to a Lombardi Trophy.
And finally, the team we are all very amped for, the Purple People Eaters, the Minnesota Vikings, are back and looking strong. An amazing Doormat turnaround with a quarterback also knows for doormat perfromances, the 13-3 Vikings have a legititmate shot at the Super Bowl this year. As we all know, the Vikings are tied with Buffalo for most Super Bowl losses (4), so this could be the year that Minnesota steps up a notch with its 5th loss*.But hell, we hope not! We have the fridge stocked, the Hibatchi fired up, and we are hoping for a decapitation of the Patriots by the Vikings this year.
So enjoy the playoffs this weekend. We have some great Doormat action.
*We like to talk about Super Bowl droughts, etc., and the Vikings are in the rareified air of over 40 years without a Super Bowl appearance (let alone victory), but who is the team that has the longest Championship drought? The Lions, Browns, and the Vikings won a Championship before the Super Bowl era. However, the Cardinals did not. They hold the record with 69 years without a NFL Championship!
For a great article on the history of playoff misery, visit https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_NFL_franchise_post-season_droughts.
I couldn’t post bail soon enough in Vegas to comment on this before game time, but boy the CHIEFS sure did the Chief Choke and the Tomahawk Flop at the same time. Maybe they’ll finally do their fans a favor, fire Reid, release Smith and just go 4-12 next year and give Kansas City a break!! Bills and Jags lived up to the Doormat billing in SPADES.
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