Perfect Season Parade and the Kairse O' Chucky

Sorry, everybody, but you have to understand. It's been a busy week. It wasn't my fault...Las Vegas.  I was there to scout the Raiders new location. The last thing I remember is getting into the aubergine Lexus with dragging shredded muffler, 17 dents and windows that don't roll up.  I dimly remember the Dottie's 'casino', in a classy strip mall with no strippers and I passed ou- fell asleep in the back seat and I have no idea who those people were in the front seat, officer, and...never ride in a car where the windows don't roll up. It's so much harder to resist arrest. Well, all I can say is Clark County jail is very clean, and now I'm just clean as a whistle and the Commish was kind enough to not post my bail, so I'd learn a lesson. Here's what I learned: staying in jail for a couple days is a LOT different than Clark County online Traffic School. 

When I finally got back to the Basement, I find the Raiders completely trashing the place in a sort of Grüdenfest, which had been going on for 5 straight days. It's not often you have two 10-Club teams (Raiders/Niners) in the Basement partying like they're going to the Super Bowl. I can barely keep any cold beer on hand and the grill has been going like, 24 hours a day, burning anything they can find.  With this kind of action, who has time to write? 

ARRR!  RAIDERS ATTEMPT TO ERADICATE THE KAIRSE O'CHUCKY

Raiders owner Mark Davis is doing the right thing.  It doesn't matter if the Silver and Blacked Out go 0-16 next year. By bringing back Jon Gruden to coach the Raiders, the Curse Of Chucky* will be lifted, and the Las Vegas Raiders will be able to move on (literally) and just be another bumbling NFL franchise. Never mind that Davis, who started trying to get Gruden back the second the lid was sealed on his father's crypt, forgot to interview any minorities for the position, thereby probably violating the Rooney Rule and maybe the whole deal will get scuttled (how Raiders would THAT be? Only in bumbling. Raiders have solid record hiring minorities for coaching positions).  He finally got a coach -Jack Del Rio- to change the culture and win a few games, so that Gruden can show up and have an actual football team to work with. So, maybe- just maybe- the Raiders will get the hell out of our Basement. I gotta make another beer and pizza run....

[*The Curse of Chucky:  2003. Al Davis- 'then' owner (please, I'm sure he's still running the team as a looming specter over Mark's defiantly non-slicked back hairdo) fired Gruden after Gruden wasn't kissing Al's footballs in the right way.  Gruden was then hired by the Tampa Bay Bucs, who romped through the season, met the Raiders in the Super Bowl, and pulverized them in a game where Gruden's defense was calling all the Raider plays out at the line of scrimmage, including the audibles. It was just a little more than humiliating for old Al. Ever since that moment, the Raiders had the worst overall record in the league of any NFL franchise (until last year). ] 

CLEVELAND FOOD BANK RECEIVES $17,157 AND OVER $2,000 WORTH OF FOOD DONATIONS THANKS TO THE

The Perfect Season Parade.  Sounds like some bad joke on the city of Cleveland that maybe the Basement would cook up, right?  Cleveland did it right. Fans quite respectfully protested their team's ridiculously unmatchable ineptitude that you can't deny, and they raised $17,157 OVER the amount needed to put on the simple parade outside First Energy Field.

Chris McNeil, the Parade organizer, made sure the parade was respectfully frustrated and comic, yet something a real Browns fan could appreciate, and also handed over the huge wad of cash to the Cleveland Food Bank, while also driving over a few vans of donated food.  Cleveland is, clearly, a city that deserves better.  The Perfect Season 2.0 absolutely made more than lemonade out of this lemon of a season. The city has the right culture-  maybe the team can learn something.

Wanna see some highlights?  Click on the links below for highlights or video!

highlights:

HIghlights From the Perfect Season Parade (thescore.com)

the entire parade:

The Perfect Season Parade Video (cleveland.com)

DOORMAT PLAYOFF GAME FOR THE AGES

BILLS 3,  JAGS 10
Don't take my word for it. Take the facts. This was the lowest scoring, lowest yardage, worst bomb of a Wild Card game EVER played. There is NO competition. The Doormat Excellence meter blew up. The Bills even got QB Nathan "Prof. Turnover" Peterman into the game to throw an interception on the final drive, which, honestly, was a flourish of artistic proportions. The bets in Clark County lock-up were he'd do it in 1,2, or 3 throws. 3 was the winner. Where to start? Jags QB Blake Bortles had more yards rushing (88) than passing (87), yet it was the lowest rushing total ever for that dubious stat. The Jags were so bad, they won.  This is because the Bills weren't really fully realized life forms.

It was the lowest scoring Wild Card game ever.  It was the lowest total yardage Wild Card game ever.  17 Punts. In a playoff game. ESPN called the game 'almost unwatchable at times.'  AT TIMES?  You could measure the 'watchable' sections in milliseconds, but only if you were a millisecond. The Bills had ONE exciting play, and it was nullified by a penalty. We just had to sit back and admire the ugly beauty. It was like Waiting for Godot. It was like John Cage's 4'33". It was...a Japanese rock garden,  without the rocks. One's gaze drifts up into the sky, looking for perhaps a bird...a cloud...a single balloon....

The Bills promptly fired their offensive coordinator, who is being held responsible for the fact that the Bills don't have a starting quarterback.  I kinda like Tyrod Taylor, but, ah, his aim is...if this were baseball he'd be batting .198, and would be playing for the Buffalo Bisons over at Coca-Cola field.

Well- at least they made the playoffs!

The Jags continue on to represent the Doormat Division and now face the Pittsburgh Steelers on Sunday.  When bands have a terrible sound check, they usually take that as a sign the show is gonna be awesome.  Go with that, Jags fans.  Run with it.  The Basement has your back.

aaaAAAaand THAT'S THE VIEW FROM THE BASEMENT!!!!