NFL Predictions Week XVII: Final Destination

We are here. The last week of the season, and who is left standing waist deep in quicksand, about to go butt-up like the Titanic and sink to the very bottom? Just as the movie Final Destination tells the story of Death seeking out those who narrowly missed dying when they should have, which teams have escaped the bottom and now Fate will seek them out this last weekend?

AFC

Oakland- 4-11

New York Jets- 4-11

Jacksonville- 5-10

Buffalo- 5-10

NFC

Arizona- 3-12

San Francisco- 4-11

San Francisco deftly lost to Arizona twice this year, so if SF loses to LA Rams (highly likely) and AZ beats Seattle (highly unlikely) and they are both 4-12 at the finish line, San Francisco has the tiebreaker. But what are the odds of Seattle NOT beating Arizona? But we are talking Final Destination here. SF appears to have dodged fate by beating Seattle in Week XVI, but fate may dog them here at the end. 

But I am predicting AZ as NFC Doormat Champ of 2018 and will they play in the Doormat Bowl against Oakland, New York Jets, Buffalo, or Jacksonville.

(It is hard to imagine that once upon a time the Cardinals were 2-1 and had beaten New Orleans and Dallas. Wait, that was preseason. So it never happened, not really.)

So the only exciting Doormat action this week is in the AFC. Let’s go to the tape. Er, no. Let’s not. What’s tape? Is that like a DVD? What’s a DVD? I think Bradshaw still says, “Let’s look at the film.” What’s that? 

Anyway, here is the AFC preview of the only games that matter (to us):

MIami vs Buffalo

Buffalo is the hot pick to win this game, and it will be hard to lose at home, but if they keep the ball in the air, especially on first down, they could find a way to lose. They already split the season with the Jets, but botched the loss to Jacksonville in November. They will have to lose and Jacksonville, NYJ and Oakland will all have to win. As John Candy put it, the Bills would have better luck playing pick up sticks with their butt cheeks than pulling off the AFC Doormat. However, any team that can lose 4 consecutive Super Bowls can do anything here in the basement.

Jacksonville vs Houston

Houston is solid, and making fewer dumb mistakes (fewer is the key word), but Jacksonville seems to have remembered they once played good football (for a season). But odds are still strong they will lose game 16, and lose big. Where will they be at 5-11? They lost to the Jets and the Bills this year, so if the season ends in a 4-way tie, it might be their destiny to snag the AFC Doormat.

NY Jets vs New England

Jets turned in one of the great meaningless games of the decade last week, blowing a 14 point lead in the 4th to lose in overtime to the anemic Packers 44-38. They should be so deflated by now that New England can cruise to an easy win as they eye the playoffs. Pats should cream the Jets. Where does that put them? 4-12 with only the Raiders to block their path to the AFC Doormat. Raiders and Jets did not meet this season...

Oakland vs Kansas City

KC peaked early, lost a game at home last week they should have won. Vegas says 93 percent chance Chiefs beat Raiders by 12. But this game looks fishy to me. Raiders could win. If they do, and the Jets will surely lose, it becomes a shocking end in the AFC Doormat chase with the Jets taking the crown. If the Raiders lose and finish in a 4-12 tie with NYJ, who gets the tiebreaker?

It’s complicated.

Oakland beat Cleveland. New York lost (advantage NYJ)

Oakland lost to Indy. New York didn’t (advantage Oak).

Oakland split with Denver. NY beat Denver (advantage OAK)

Oakland lost to Miami. If NY loses this week, two losses to MIami (kinda advantage NYJ).

Soooo, it  looks like, unless I am missing something, and that would be no surprise, if Oakland loses, and even if NY loses, Oakland takes the AFC Doormat! But if Oakland somehow wins,  it’s the Jets, baby.

Unless both Oakland and NY win and Buffalo loses. Then it is Buffalo. That is, if Jacksonville doesn’t also lose. If the season ends four teams 5-11, it’s Jacksonville.

I think. I am confused.

Which means it will be a great weekend in the basement.

The Oracle has Spoken!