Kittens vs Lambs

SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY
Lambs vs. Kittens at Ford Field, 10am PST!!!!!


While Tampa and St. Louis would be the true match-up of the Never Victorious, who are we kidding?

This is HUGE! Remember, head to head matchups are crucial in determining the ultimate Toilet Bowl champion, and this is the biggest one yet this year. Last year's champion against this year's clear front-runner. But the Kittens are only a game behind. Ahead. You know what I mean.

The Lambs have no defense, leading the league in points allowed, while the offense leads the lead in fewest points scored.

It's really hard to get around that, folks. Unless, of course, you're the opposing team. The Kittens, on their home page, have a fan poll:

"What was the greatest benefit of Detroit's Week 7 bye? 1. Time to review and correct. 2. Resting Injured Players. 3. Getting a Mental Break.
The answer? None of Those. The obvious benefit to a bye is THEY DIDN'T LOSE. C'mon, Kittens, let the fans vote their mind!

But, hey, around here, losing is GOOD.

Kittens QB Matthew Stafford was on the practice field some, and is a game-time decision as far as I can tell, as the Lions website is difficult to find anything out, and doesn't seem to have attended any team media sessions lately. Wonder why that is? Honestly? Kittens should blow the Lambs out off the field, especially if Stafford plays. Look for the Kittens to actually cross the goal line in the first, second, third, or...well, sometime during the game. But it will be before the Lambs do, because the Lambs DON'T score.

Get yourselves to a sports bar that has waaaaay too many screens and this game is actually ON. Don't miss it. BRAGGING RIGHTS ARE AT STAKE.


The rest of the schedule:

Bye: Bootineers, Deadskins and Cheeps. Geez, a third of the league spends the weekend in their boxers. Have a beer for breakfast, guys- heck have another one for dessert.


Titanics host Jacksonville (I still am not convinced these guys are for real. But it's hard to argue with 0-7)

Raydurz at San Diego (I hear Ja-miss-it Russell came to practice at 6:30 am on Wednesday. That way he got first crack at the donuts.)

Floppers at Jets (Jets QB Mark Sanchez promises he won't eat another hot dog during the game this week. He's bringing a sandwich- Dolphi....I mean, TUNA.

Brownies at Chicago- Every chance of another 6-3 game. Make sure there's lots of things to eat in the kitchen, Brownie fans. You'll be going in there a lot.

Pansies at Arizona - Cardinals are revitalized. Pansies aren't. Delhomme throws 4 interceptions.


MAKE YOUR PREDICTIONS!

The Basement Orace Predictions: Weak VIII

It's mid-season and we are just coming off the losingest weak of the year: everybody lost last week, going away....

Matchup of the Weak: All season we have awaited the head-to-head clash of the giants of the basement, Lambs and Kittens. This week they snuggle up in the cozy confines of oil-stained Ford Field. The odds are on for the Lambs to fall victim to the feline fangs of Detroit, but as they love to say in Detroit, "There's still time to lose."

The lone voice from the basement missed only one prediction last week, but was way off on some of the point spreads. Here are the Oracle's predictions for Week VIII

Brownies 14, Bears 21
Lambs 2, Kittens 13
Floppers, 24, Jets 38
Raydurz 10, Chargers 24
Titanics 21, Jaguars 18 (Yes, Tennessee wins a game)
Pansies 10, Cardinals 42.

Deadskins, Cheeps and Bootineers are idle, so they are safe for the time being.

The Oracle from the Basement has spoken.

Monday Revisions Weak VII

AND the DEADSKINS COMPLETE THE WEEKEND SWEEP!!!!!!

0-6 with the Titanics and the Kittens on sabbatical.

WOW!!!

The Standings WEAK VII

NFC
W-L PF- PA TA
Lambs 0-7 60- 211 -7
Bootineers 0-7 96- 203 -2
Kittens 1-5 103-188 -4
Pansies 2-4 94- 145 -14
Deadskins 2-5 96- 123 -8

AFC
Titanics 0-6 84- 198 -10
Brownies 1-6 72- 179 -7
Cheeps 1-6 105-181 +2
Raydurz 2-5 62- 177 -11
Floppers 2-4 146-152 -6

COMPOSITE STANDINGS
Jim (Lambs/Brownies) 1-13
Doug (Boots/Raydurz) 2-12
Greg (Titanics/Deadskins) 2-12
Erik (Cheeps/Pansies) 3-10
Grant (Kittens/Floppers) 3-10

Weak VII Results

LOSER OF THE WEAK:
Miami Floppers lose 46-34 to the New Orleans Saints, completely imploding in the 4th quarter and letting the Saints run off 22 points after leading 34-24. They lose GOING AWAY!!

Now, you ask, how can I say the Floppers were the Loser of the Weak when the choices are so numerous? They scored 34 points, you say. Just think how it feels to enter the 4th quarter, you can see the finish line, the promised land of respectability (3 in row, .500 record) is just 15 minutes away, and.....you forget to play football while lost in your hazy swamp reverie. They had it in the bag. But that's because there's a scoop law in Miami. It's back to the cellar! Fins fans must have a special Flopper dance, invented just yesterday, spontaneously, in front of the TV. Sort of like Jack Black in School of Rock, except without the guitar.

But let's not ignore some stand-out performances this week: The Pansies only allow 9 first downs to Buffalo and STILL LOSE (let me guess, 3 interceptions and a fumble from Jake Delhomme)- that's a minus 14 takeaway rate, tops in the league.

The Brownies, this week's AFC leader (because the Titanics are idle- you can't lead if you don't lose) manage only 129 yards total offense and their only points were the opening drive field goal- the kiss of death in loser-land (look it up in Super Bowl blowouts, guys).

The Bootineers stink up Wembley stadium so bad, you can smell it over the spilled Guiness and Punter Puke. Imagine the trans-Atlantic flight home, the only guy who can wear a pack of ice with any respect is punter Dirk Johnson, jacking up 9 punts for a meager 37 yard average. OK, maybe no ice for Dirk. Guys, that's really hard to do, 9 punts in 60 minutes. That's including 3 interceptions. How did they get 10 first downs?? Where did they find the time?

The Cheeps continue to stay under the radar, having perfected this technique of being invisible around Kansas City on weekdays as well as the weekend. But, make no mistake about it, my guys are solidly in the running for the AFC crown.


BLOWOUTS OF THE WEEK


Raydurz 0 Jets 38. Blessed by the local black-out, your intrepid reporter was spared a close examination of this display of finger pointing and blame shifting, but by all reports, the Raydurz were UNAFFECTED by last week's victorious aberration, and have returned to the form that makes jaws drop all over the NFL. This includes all the clattering skulls in Raydur Nation.

At one point, the Jets were so bored, that the quarterback was caught on camera on the sidelines eating a hotdog. Way to go, Raydurz.

Lambs 6 Colts 42. The Lambs actually had a rushing game yesterday, but their Loser game was hitting on all cylinders in all other departments.
These guys are STILL the leader of the pack, they set the standard, and their 17 straight regular season losses shows great promise for the rest of the season. Nobody has given up more points, yet scored less. The Boots are trying, but you just can't touch this kind of rubbish- it's art.

But NEXT WEEK, the battle for the Basement will be upon us and the Lamb's will to lose will be sorely tested in

KITTENS vs. LAMBS
Sunday Nov. 1st in Detroit 10 am.

Deadskins go for an 0-7 weekend for the Cellar Div. tonight against Philadelphia. C'mon Scalps!

The Standings WEAK VII

NFC
W-L PF- PA TA
Lambs 0-7 60- 211 -7
Bootineers 0-7 96- 203 -2
Kittens 1-5 103-188 -4
Pansies 2-4 94- 145 -14
Deadskins 2-4 79- 96 -4


AFC
Titanics 0-6 84- 198 -10
Brownies 1-6 72- 179 -7
Cheeps 1-6 105-181 +2
Raydurz 2-5 62- 177 -11
Floppers 2-4 146-152 -6

aaaand that's the view from the Basement!

"you can't lead if you don't lose"

Weak VI

Good Morning, gentlemen. Another weak of turf burns and poor coaching comes to a close!!

Weak VI Standings

NFC
W-L PF- PA TA
Lambs 0-6 54- 169 -5
Bootineers 0-6 89- 169 -1
Kittens 1-5 103-188 -4
Pansies 2-3 85- 125 -10

AFC
W-L PF- PA TA
{Midgets} 0-6 84- 198 N/A
Brownies 1-5 69-148 -5
Cheeps 1-5 98- 144 +4
Raydurz 2-4 62- 139 -7
Floppers 2-3 112-106 -6
Raiders 13 Eagles 9.

The Raydurz defense decides to come up with a scheme for the game, studying film of Ron Jaworski's Eagle's intently during the week. It works anyway as the defense pummels the shocked Eagles into the ground. Who knew? Nobody.
Blowout of the Week

Pats 59 Midgets 0 You can't lose like this and not be in the Cellar Division!! That's the biggest blowout since the Rams vanquished the Falcons 59-0 in 1976. Wearing their powder blue uniforms from the last time they won a championship (first year of the AFL 50 years ago), the Midgets managed 9 first downs, fumbled three times, and completed 2 of 14 passes. Good God. This teams needs a Cellar Membership!! I nominate brother Greg to handle the duties. He can pick his own NFC doormat. Seattle, with 7 first downs yesterday, looks like a good candidate, if one does not choose the 'Skins.

The Cheeps fall out of the AFC elite with an ugly win over a rapidly declining 'Skins team that scraped up 7 first downs.

Cheeps only cellar team with plus turnover-takeaway ratio.
Maintaining supremacy for yet another week in the entire league,though, are the LAMBS, tying the game at the last second only to lose in overtime

The Kittens are clearly not done yet, scoring ze-ro points yesterday, and Stafford is out indefinitely (because I have not checked the injury report) at quarterback, so watch for them to be ready for the Lambs on Weak VIII.

Brownies survive Steelers, and were actually competitive into the 3rd quarter. Then they stopped playing and went for pizza.

aaaaaand that's the view from the BASEMENT!!