Weak VII Results

LOSER OF THE WEAK:
Miami Floppers lose 46-34 to the New Orleans Saints, completely imploding in the 4th quarter and letting the Saints run off 22 points after leading 34-24. They lose GOING AWAY!!

Now, you ask, how can I say the Floppers were the Loser of the Weak when the choices are so numerous? They scored 34 points, you say. Just think how it feels to enter the 4th quarter, you can see the finish line, the promised land of respectability (3 in row, .500 record) is just 15 minutes away, and.....you forget to play football while lost in your hazy swamp reverie. They had it in the bag. But that's because there's a scoop law in Miami. It's back to the cellar! Fins fans must have a special Flopper dance, invented just yesterday, spontaneously, in front of the TV. Sort of like Jack Black in School of Rock, except without the guitar.

But let's not ignore some stand-out performances this week: The Pansies only allow 9 first downs to Buffalo and STILL LOSE (let me guess, 3 interceptions and a fumble from Jake Delhomme)- that's a minus 14 takeaway rate, tops in the league.

The Brownies, this week's AFC leader (because the Titanics are idle- you can't lead if you don't lose) manage only 129 yards total offense and their only points were the opening drive field goal- the kiss of death in loser-land (look it up in Super Bowl blowouts, guys).

The Bootineers stink up Wembley stadium so bad, you can smell it over the spilled Guiness and Punter Puke. Imagine the trans-Atlantic flight home, the only guy who can wear a pack of ice with any respect is punter Dirk Johnson, jacking up 9 punts for a meager 37 yard average. OK, maybe no ice for Dirk. Guys, that's really hard to do, 9 punts in 60 minutes. That's including 3 interceptions. How did they get 10 first downs?? Where did they find the time?

The Cheeps continue to stay under the radar, having perfected this technique of being invisible around Kansas City on weekdays as well as the weekend. But, make no mistake about it, my guys are solidly in the running for the AFC crown.


BLOWOUTS OF THE WEEK


Raydurz 0 Jets 38. Blessed by the local black-out, your intrepid reporter was spared a close examination of this display of finger pointing and blame shifting, but by all reports, the Raydurz were UNAFFECTED by last week's victorious aberration, and have returned to the form that makes jaws drop all over the NFL. This includes all the clattering skulls in Raydur Nation.

At one point, the Jets were so bored, that the quarterback was caught on camera on the sidelines eating a hotdog. Way to go, Raydurz.

Lambs 6 Colts 42. The Lambs actually had a rushing game yesterday, but their Loser game was hitting on all cylinders in all other departments.
These guys are STILL the leader of the pack, they set the standard, and their 17 straight regular season losses shows great promise for the rest of the season. Nobody has given up more points, yet scored less. The Boots are trying, but you just can't touch this kind of rubbish- it's art.

But NEXT WEEK, the battle for the Basement will be upon us and the Lamb's will to lose will be sorely tested in

KITTENS vs. LAMBS
Sunday Nov. 1st in Detroit 10 am.

Deadskins go for an 0-7 weekend for the Cellar Div. tonight against Philadelphia. C'mon Scalps!

The Standings WEAK VII

NFC
W-L PF- PA TA
Lambs 0-7 60- 211 -7
Bootineers 0-7 96- 203 -2
Kittens 1-5 103-188 -4
Pansies 2-4 94- 145 -14
Deadskins 2-4 79- 96 -4


AFC
Titanics 0-6 84- 198 -10
Brownies 1-6 72- 179 -7
Cheeps 1-6 105-181 +2
Raydurz 2-5 62- 177 -11
Floppers 2-4 146-152 -6

aaaand that's the view from the Basement!

"you can't lead if you don't lose"