Doormat Glory On Wildcard Weekend!!!

We thought we were done, here in the Basement, but we wuz WRONG:

TEXANS 0,  CHIEFS 30
All year we kept waiting for the Houston Toxins to implode, to stop pretending and just give it up.  Little did we understand what they had in store for us.  Their Doormat goal:  make the playoffs by just scraping it up to one game over .500, and then IMPLODE on National TV on WILD CARD WEEKEND.  I gotta say, I didn't see it coming- at least not this spectacular.

It must have been torture to win all those games, just to get to this bomber ditch dive death ray of a self immolation that was on display in Houston yesterday.  WOW.  Toxin QB Brian "Twinkle Toes" Hoyer was the runaway star, cashing in 4 interceptions and a fumble. If you want to be a Doormat All-Star, save the worst game of your career for the playoffs.  Hoyer delivered...in spades.  In shovels, in fact. When's the last time a starting QB in a playoff game gets booed from well before the halftime horn to the end of the game, and never gets benched?  That would be never. So, you know they meant business from opening kick-off to final baleful horn.

And what an opening kick-off it was.  The Toxic Cloud wasted no time letting the Chieftains know that their first playoff victory in 22 years was on the menu.  11 seconds into the game, the Cheaps had all the points they were going to need, with Knile Davis sprinting 106 yards across the plastic carpet, into the distant end zone, where the air was fast escaping from 71,800 Toxin fans, and the entire stadium. 7-0 and game over.

But I hope you stayed glued to your set, because you won't see a heap of disaster like that again anytime soon.  Look for the Toxins to come out of the gate next year 0-5.  They can relax now.

BUNGLES 16, STEELERS 18 
25 years!  Yes, the Cincinnati Bungles did it again, and this time they really really really looked like they were winning the game.  But...please.  You can BET, and I mean it, you can bet that not a single fan in Cincinatti-Ohio-northern Kentucky was at all thinking the game was going to be a victory for the Striped Stinkers. The Bungle-skis now are one game ahead of the illustrious Detroit Lions for longest run of zero playoff victories- 25 years (however, let's not forget the Lions have one 1 playoff victory in 58 years, so good luck chasing that one). This 25th Silver Anniversary is precious,  so remember to gift your Ohio friends with something special, because you know they are expecting something.  Wait, no, they aren't expecting ANYTHING.

With under 2 minutes remaining in a game so ugly I could have been a cheeleader for it, all the Bingle Bunks had to do was run out the clock, and parked at the Steeler 9-yard line, it looked like their only real problem was if they might accidentally score and not run out the clock.  But No! As the great Keith Jackson would say:  Fummmmmmmble!  I am glad, though, that a name like Vontaze Burfict played a big part in the total collapse in the final 1:23.  With some help from knucklehead buddy Adam Jones, the duo got two personal foul calls for 30 yards, and Ben Rothlisberger only had to heave his battered torso up the field a couple times and Bob's your uncle,  kick the damn field goal, and the Steel Curtain comes down in Cincy one - more -time.

POW!! BLAM!!!  Doormat excellence continues in the Playoffs.   Way to represent, guys!!

-wacko