Here are the Underpower Rankings based on the Turkey Quotient (TQ) of each team that has a minus score as of Week IX. TQ is a formula of total offense and defense combined with margins of defeat, turnovers, penalties, and strength of schedule. These are your losing teams for Week X (unless they play each other, then only one gets to lose).
AFC
Raiders: -13.1
Bills: -10.9
Dolphins: -7
Jets: -4.7
Jaguars: -2.7
Titans: -0.9
Browns: -0.5
Yes, Miami mighty be 5-3, but the numbers bode of evil times ahead for the Fins.
NFC
Cardinals: -10.2
49ers: -6.8
Lions: -5.6
Giants: -4.1
Packers: -2.5
Cowboys: -1.8
Packers and Cowboys both have a place on the patio now. They lose their next game and it’s an open seat on the duct tape couch. We have lots of coffee and donuts here for you guys!
And now the predictions. First, the GAME OF THE WEAK (and they are weak teams). I am talking about the Whiners and the Gnats in a game of true Doormat Glory. With a TQ of -6.8 for SF and -4.1 for the Giants, it’s easy to lean toward SF to lose this one. But they are in Santa Clara, which means people in the stadium can see the glow of the city lights back in the Bay where the fans are. If all those fans scream at once from the site of Candlestick it takes 11 minutes for the sound to get to Levi’s Stadium. That’s about how long it will take for the first SF series of downs and punt.
SF is at home, that should complicate them losing, but they have 18 turnovers to NY’s 11. But SF has 191 first downs to NYG’s 142. Yet, New York is ranked 8th in passing to SF at 24th in the league. And everyone will be on their smart phone downloading the newest app anyway so the fans won’t care. So I give this game to SF to lose. 4 quarters of futility punctuated by two monster turnovers in the 3rd quarter in the red zone to give SF the losing edge: 10-17.
San Francisco- 10
NYG- 17
Dolphins-17
Packers- 16
(That's right, GB is a doormat.)
Atlanta- 36
Cleveland- 12
Jacksonville- 17
Indianapolis- 32
Detroit- 17
Chicago- 20
Arizona- 9
Kansas City- 36
(AZ gets FG with .08 on the clock.)
Washington- 21
Tampa Bay- 28
Buffalo- 12
New York Jets- 21
LA Chargers- 28
Oakland-8
Dallas- 10
Philadelphia- 24
The Oracle has spoken!
I like this Turkey Quotient!
ReplyDeleteSam Darnold is injured, and Josh McCown will start at QB for the Jets. Bills QB Josh Allen is questionable, limited in practice on Friday to throwing in some drills. It's been six weeks since he sprained his elbow. If Allen plays, the Bills have a shot at winning. If he does not, it's between Matt Barkley or Nathan Peterman, two of the finest interception craftsmen to ever step out onto the gridiron.
ReplyDeleteIf the Whinos win on Monday, they'll have been FAVORED and won two weeks in a row, despite having the second worst (and last week, tied for the worst) record in the league. It helps when you get the Raiders (1-7) and the Giants (1-7) right in a row.
Now that's some Doormat info you can wipe your feet on!
DeletePackers and Dallas- how low can they go?
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