DOORMAT DIVISION STANDINGS WEEK TEN
NFC W-L PF PA DIFF
Tampa Bay 1-8 167 272 -105
St. Louis 3-6 163 251 -88
Chicago 3-6 194 277 -83
NY Giants 3-6 195 247 -52
Washington 3-6 197 229 -32
AFC
Oakland 0-9 146 252 - 106
Jacksonville 1-9 158 282 -110
NY Jets 2-8 174 265 -91
Tennessee 2-7 144 223 -79
Texans 4-5 206 197 +9
Before we proceed to the Wrap-Up, please note that the entire NFC South has a losing record.
New Orleans, after yesterday's loss to the Niners, are in first at 4-5. Hats off!
WEEK 10 WRAP-UP AND DISPOSAL
WITH A MILLION FLIES WHOOSHING OUT
WHEN YOU OPEN THE LID
THE HAPLESS JETS 20, STEELERS 13
What were they thinking? Who ordered up that prop plane flyover during Jets practice last week with the banner demanding GM John Idzik be fired?? Now look what happened. A team in almost total disarray is brought together, the over-over-over confident Steelers bring their NYC junket hangovers to the Meadowlands, and the Hapless Jets win a...a...I can't say it.
Previously leading the league in give/take turnover ratio (-15), the Hapless Jets are buried under a barrage of turnovers. The Steelers brought a balanced attack of 2 INTs and 2 fumbles, and they never looked back. If they had, they might have caught one, or noticed a ball on the turf.
Now 2-8, the Nyets need to bring back Geno Smith immediately or run the risk of losing more ground to the Raiders (0-9) for the Doormat AFC lead. With only 6 games to go, they're two games behind, and...well, they can't wipe wins off the record, so it's pretty hopeless, because:
RAIDERS 17, BRONCOS 41
Amazingly, this is not the Blowout of the Week. Da Bares brought the Basement Special to Green Bay yesterday. But don't say the Silver and Blacked Out didn't try. Nursing a 10-6 lead late in the second quarter, the Raiders throw in the towel (and a toaster plus a rebate), and blaze a trail to halftime, suddenly trailing 20-10 and turning a lusty and loud crowd into a quietly murmuring Sunday flea market. There wasn't even any booing. It was so quiet you could hear the quiet rustling of chains, Darth Vader capes, Peyton Manning's hand signals, and Al Davis' 'eternal flame' thinga-ma-jiggy. Eternal in Oakland. COASTING along at 0-9, and sailing into the 4th quarter with only 5 first downs, the Blacked Out looked unstoppable. They were.
The number of bumbling moments are too numerous to mention, though when you are already down 34-10, can hear the seagulls at the top of the stadium, you throw an interception, then throw a red challenge hanky (interceptor stepped out of bounds) on a play that is automatically reviewed resulting in a loss of a timeout PLUS tossing in an unsportsmanlike penalty for added spice kind of stands out.
However, I wouldn't want to give the impression that it was unusual.
BLOWOUT OF THE WEEK
DA BARES 14, PACKERS 55
It was 42-0 at halftime. Bears QB Jay Cutler does not play defense (whether he plays offense is up for debate), but if he did Aaron Rodgers might have had 8 TDs before halftime instead of 6. But Cutler did what he could, which is continuing his mastery of Lambeau field. 4 Games, 12 interceptions! The Master of Disaster tossed in 2 INTs and a fumble in the first half, and the Packers did the rest- which was scoring so fast I thought that green and yellow blur was the Oregon Ducks- should the Ducks actually WEAR green and yellow someday.
Da Bares improve to 3-6 and their only victories are the Hapless Jets, the Falcons and the Niners (who have played some lulu Doormat games this year). They're gonna get 10 losses, no problem.
PANTHERS 21, PHILADELPHIA 45
Cam Newton may have the best worst body language of any QB that plays for a team that just cannot pull it together. He sure knows how to just huck it up for grabs, though! Put it in the air! It will come down near a human for sure!!
GIANTS 14, SEAHAWKS 38
It was close for a while. And then it wasn't. The Gnats finally shoulder their way into the Basement at a respectable 3-6. Good solid downward spiral. Spirals are good in fooball.
JAGUARS 17, COWBOYS 31
Tony Romo played for the Cowboys, and the Jaguars own London. Game Over. Good luck losing a game against the Gags in Jolly Old England. At least the Roar cheerleaders were back, losing bits of clothing all over London again. The cheerleading squad really is more famous than the team.
Jags at 1-9 and still hot on the Raiders trail.
BUCCANEERS 17, FALCONS 27
In a brutal NFC Doormat tilt, with the league lead on the line, the Bootineers prevail again in the 4th quarter. Atlanta gave up some huge gainers, the Boots slowly wore down, but Atlanta was still hanging around in the 4th quarter, up only 10 points. But Boots QB Josh McCown, filling in for one of hundreds of QBs who have been benched this year (George Blanda? Steve DeBerg?), steps up in the pocket and rockets TWO drive killing interceptions, one in the Atlanta end zone for extra sauce. As always, when the Boots backs are to the wall, you can't stop them. Bucs now 1-8, while Atlanta falls to 3-6, and nearly out of contention for the Doormat NFC crown.
RAMS 14, CARDINALS 31
But if you want 4th quarter genius, the Lambs are your team. Entering the 4th quarter dangerously ahead 14-10, the Rams take advantage of Cardinals QB Carson Palmer's injury, giving up a 48-yard bomb (I get teary-eyed over this, the Rams used to be greatest big-play team) to backup up Drew Stanton. After this, the Lambs countered with an interception, but the Cards declined to score, and then punted. Undaunted, the Lambs next move was another interception and this time they made it stick, with the Cards returning it 30 yards for the TD. On the next possession, the Lambs go 3 and out, but the Cards snag a penalty and hand the Rams a first down and one more chance. The Lambs don't miss the opportunity, put the ball on the rug and the Cards run it in 18 yards for the score. 21 points in 5 minutes! Wow!
TITANICS 7, RAVENS 21
Yesterday's PUNT-A-THON. Eight for the Titanics, 7 for the Ravens. Job well done, men.
I like saying "Hapless Jets."
aaaAAAAAnd That's the View from the Basement!!!!!!
