Tailgating Doormat Style

The Vegan Hotdog with its signature gray color and modeled texture

NFL football is not the same without a good tailgate party before the game, but what if your team is a doormat? What makes for the perfect doormat division tailgate buffet? Vegan, of course.

The best way to serve a vegan hotdog is boiled for twenty minutes in vegetable broth. This usually gives the hotdog a nice squeaky-on-the-tooth bite as it pops open and spurts hot vegetable broth into your mouth.

Covered with really hot Chinese mustard and arugula and served on a whole-grain, unleavened bun, this hotdog  will have a mashy consistency that will really let you know you are in the NFL cellar.

Serve your vegan hotdog with salt-free, organically-grown vegetable chips, baked not fried, a nice Kosher  pickle, and Ranier beer.

Of course, that is if you feel like a loser. But, hey, none of us really feel like losers, right? I'm serving Italian beef sandwiches, potato chips with avocado dip (lots and lots of garlic please) and an ice-cold quart of Ranier.

What would you serve at the perfect Doormat tailgate party?