Wednesday, September 7, 2016

DOORMAT PREVIEW 2016- The Race to the Moldy Carpet

THE RACE TO THE MOLDY CARPET BEGINS!!!

DOORMAT PREVIEW 2016

Here is our Doormat Preview for the year, and it's just dirt simple, folks.  Ask the bookies in Vegas, and they put into stark relief the preposterous false hopes you may be harboring about your team, and just how proud you can be of how bad they are:

Here is a handy link to some Vegas oddsmaking, but if you lazy like me, just look at our list:

http://www.footballlocks.com/nfl_futures_super_bowl_sorted_by_odds.shtml


CLEVELAND          200-1
SAN FRANCISCO     150-1
TENNESSEE           100-1
PHILADEPHIA       100-1
DETROIT                100-1
LOS ANGELES       80-1
CHICAGO                80-1
TAMPA BAY            75-1
SAN DIEGO             75-1
MIAMI                      75-1
BUFFALO                75-1
ATLANTA                75-1
NEW YORK JETS   65-1
NEW ORLEANS      65-1
JACKSONVILLE     65-1
WASHINGTON        50-1
BALTIMORE            40-1
INDIANAPOLIS      35-1
HOUSTON               35-1
OAKLAND              30-1
DALLAS                  30-1
NY GIANTS            25-1
MINNESOTA          20-1
KANSAS CITY       20-1
CINCINNATI          20-1
DENVER                 17-1
ARIZONA               12-1
PITTSBURGH        10-1
CAROLINA            10-1
SEATTLE                8-1
GREEN BAY          8-1
NEW ENGLAND  7-1

Okay, so what does this mean?  Most important, at 200-1, the Browns enter a season as the huge favorite to at least win the AFC Doormat- in a walk.  They could, for the first time EVER, win the Doormat Moldy Carpet Trophy.  It would be like the Cubs the winning the World Series! 

The Titans, as ever, pose the biggest challenge to the Browns, and have every chance of blowing up from Week 1 right on down the line, but Mariota, if he gets any kind of protection, may win them a couple games they have no business pulling out.  The Browns have no such QB.  The Browns are a-MAZ-ing.

In the NFC, the Niners as the odds-on fave is a tough one, because Chip Kelly offenses, even if led by a Doormat All-Star like Blaine "Dirt Ball" Gabbert, and with defenses totally knowing what they are going to do, and with all the other phenomenal B.S. swirling around that team, will win 4 games no matter how hard they try to screw it up.  And even though the Eagles and Lions are right on the Niners heels, the really intriguing choice has to be the Bears, who have every chance of imploding and never looking back.  The Doormat Division, by consensus, likes the Bears.  I have thrown my lot in the with 49ers, because I have to, but daBares look like the team to beat...lose to..you know what I mean.

Overall, these numbers mean that all the teams up to the Jaguars have a legitimate shot at losing more games than anybody else, possibly even with few injuries to the starting squad.  Everybody above the 65-1 line, up to 30-1, all they need to is to lose their QB (why Dallas is only 30-1 I do not know, there's your dark horse, as far as these odds are concerned), or a couple offensive line stalwarts, and anything is possible.  

The team I don't get is Minnesota, at 20-1.  They had to get Sam Bradford, a solid Doormat QB, to fill in for the whole season for Terry Bridgewater.  Look for this team to tank hard at some point in the season.  Early or late is your challenge.  I'd put them at 80-1. 

Indianapolis is another team that only needs to lose Andrew Luck for just half the season, and they could be right in the thick of the hunt.  But, you can't go on what ifs and start praying for someone to go down.  It's a huge risk.  Only if their O-line protection bites, then you might take a chance on them getting so beat up, they just give it up at some point, and make an extended trip to the IR. 

Any team with a solid defense from last year (and few changes) is not a good bet, as they will turn in some of the biggest Stiff of the Week games, but will be forced to kick a field goal in the 4th quarter and win without any intention of doing so.  This is why Jacksonville, and maybe Oakland, are heading away from the Basement- very very slowly, mind you, but definitely receding in the rear-view mirror.

Well, let the games begin, and may the first team to 14 losses take all.

-Wacko











6 comments:

  1. Based on the cumulative odds I submit these:

    Moose: 140 - 1
    ERK: 112.5-1
    Jimbo: 87.5-1
    Walkfish: 87.5-1
    DTRocks: 77.5-1
    Elvis: 70 - 1

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    Replies
    1. wow, my odds look GREAT! I dunno about Buffalo, though, they can play some D, and have a good run offense. So, they can play some real STIFFS, but end up winning the 'position' game, and kick too many field goals.

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  2. Yes, let the games begin. Because in the Doormat Division you try to go from bad to worst, because worst IS first!

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  3. Like the microscopic biew of the mold.

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  4. By the way, I saw completely different odds in the paper today. I'll dig them up later. Cleveland pretty much still 200-1, but a lot more teams with better odds than listed here. There were very current, though, just a couple days ago.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. but the betting has probably been just insane.

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