BLANK HELMET FOOTBALL REPORT WEEK 8

BLANK HELMET FOOTBALL REPORT

They're down to their 3rd quarterback.   Brandon Weeden is 0-4 and firmly benched.  Brian Hoyer won 3 games (actually Weeden won one, but he didn't start the game), but is now out for the season.
Now what, oh Cleveland Brownies?  Into the breach steps Jason Campbell.  Remember him?  I bet you don't.

The last time the Oakland Raiders were 2 games above .500 was in 2011, at 4-2, and Jason Campbell was the starting QB (because the Jamarcus Russell purple drank flame-out was complete).  Though not flashy, Campbell seemed to have gotten his smarts into his game, and was intelligently running the offense.   Campbell then conveniently broke his collar bone, which caused the Raider front office to go completely bonkers and sign disgruntled 'all-star' QB Carson Palmer away from Cincinnati, and get the Silver and Blacked Out back to playing some atrocious football.    Palmer and Kyle Boller teamed up to throw 5 interceptions in their first game together.  It's been great ever since.

Since then, for Jason it's been the dark obscurity of 3rd string quarterback, where, in this day and age of technology you still have to hold a clipboard, and your locker is down the hall in that unused corrider full of discarded gear from the '70's.   It's even more exciting when you think you're the 2nd string guy, but when the moment comes you find out, NO, here's your clipboard and take off that blank helmet.  You're not worthy.

BUT NOT ANYMORE.   Last season, the San Diego Chargers finally got the message that Norv Turner's 'downfield' passing game is suitable for Division II college football, where you can get away with a seven-step drop and checking down through 18 receivers.  They fired his sorry rump,  and of course the Cleveland Browns immediately called him up!  Let's get that sorry rump over here and ask our QB to hold onto the ball for the absolute maximum and then, with 400 pound goons in your face, throw a perfect strike 35 yards downfield.    So,  Brandon Weeden can't deliver Norv's offense, but Philip Rivers couldn't either.

Jason Campbell, it's your turn.   I'm rooting for this guy, because the Raiders threw him so far under the bus that he ended up in the bike lane with wiry guys in snappy sweaters shaking their iPhone holders (formerly known as fists) at him.   If the Brownie line can hold off the KC line for .3 seconds, Campbell might have just long enough to notice how really really loud the crowd is.

Blank Helmet Football marches into Arrowhead,  with their Doormat Pride held high...and maybe as far away as an arm can hold it.

The End Zone- How Hard Can It Be?

As Walkfish has put up our Week 7 Turkey Spin Predictions,  I thought it might help to have some science added to the gut feeling picks.  Also, coming across Adam Rank's article at NFL.com [http://www.nfl.com/news/story/0ap1000000081104/article/are-the-chargers-the-worst-team-in-the-nfl] about the Chargers being the worst team in the league got me to thinking that we need some numbers.

The Chargers have proven they can just completely torch themselves.  Norv Turner has an uncanny knack to come up extremely short in any big games.  Philip Rivers is a one-man wrecking crew.  He has poor foot-work, becomes emotionally flustered, and ruins games.  He and Norv are not the guys.  But, I'd pick them to cream the Chiefs.

HOW HARD CAN IT BE TO SCORE THE DAMN FOOTBALL??

The point of the game of football is to score.  Field goals are fine and all, but you put the ball in the end zone and get six.  Get more of those than the other guys, and you win the game.  Simple huh?  Some teams sure don't know how.

Some Stats on our Moldy Carpet contenders:

Percentage of time leading games:

[this is a really hard stat to run down- in fact I only saw it flashed on the screen on TV and have not been able to come up with the right search to find it again. ] 

1. Kansas City Cheaps  0%   Have not lead for one second in any game.  How did they win that game with the Saints?  By kicking a field goal in overtime, which counts as 0% of the time in the lead.    

2. Oakland Raiders 4.9%   kinda hard to have an awesome running game when you are running uphill.

3. Jacksonville Jaguars  5%  Organized losing at a peak.  Norv Turner, take notes.

4. Detroit Lions  6.5%  I don't care if you rack up 25.1 pts a game. You're BEHIND.  You're LOSING.

The percentages on the Jags and Lions are estimates, as the damn stat went off screen before I could write it all down.

To find a picture of a Chief on a breakaway touchdown, I had to go all the way back to Larry Johnson.

WORST RED ZONE SCORING PERCENTAGE (TDs only)

1. Kansas City Chiefs     26.67% 

2. Jacksonville Jags       33.33%

3. Seattle Seahawks      35.29%

4. St. Louis Lambs        35.71%

5. Indianapolis Colts      41.18%

6. Oakland Raiders        41.67%

7.  Cleveland Browns    41.67%

22. San Diego                56.52%

RED ZONE SCORING ATTEMPTS PER GAME

This one is really telling.  Do they even get near it?

1. Jaguars        1.8   You get it under 2, and you are the favorite for the Moldy Carpet.

2. Cleveland    2.0

3. Tennessee    2.3

4.  St. Louis     2.3

5.  Oakland      2.4

6. Kansas City  2.5

7. Buffalo          2.5

28.  San Diego  3.8

These guys spend more time in the end zone than our fearless Doormat Leaders

 1ST QUARTER POINTS PER GAME,  OFFENSE

1.  Chiefs   1.0  What is this, Canadian football? 

2.  Eagles   1.2

3.  Jaguars  1.2

4.  Broncos  2.5  ( of their 3 victories, only game they didn't come from behind to win was Raiders)

5.  Bears    2.6

6.  49ers     2.7    And this is why they are NOT the best team in the league.

1ST QUARTER POINTS GIVEN UP

1. Titans       9.7  Digging a big hole.

2.  Chiefs     8.5  A bigger, better hole, since they come up with 1 themselves.

3.  Panthers  8.0

4.  Raiders    6.8

5.  Saints      6.8

6.  Broncos   6.2

7.  Lions      6.0

3rd QUARTER POINTS PER GAME, OFFENSE

And now for the most telling of all, what happens when you've 'adjusted' at haltime, presumably more than your jockstrap, and come out flat as a pancake and get fertilized?

1. RAIDERS  1.4  I knew it!

2. Bengals      1.7

3. Rams          2.2

4. Packers      2.2 (a-ha!)  compare against last year's league leading 9.0

5. Titans         2.3

6. Lions         2.6  (this is shocking, as the Lions were a great 3rd quarter team last year  at 7.8)

7. Chiefs        2.8  (wow up by 1.7 over the 1st quarter!  Good work, men!)

3RD QUARTER POINTS GIVEN UP

Here's where lying down and dying on the gridiron gets set in bronze for the ages.

1.  RAIDERS!  12.2  Turn off your blacked-out TV at half-time.  

2.  Chiefs         10.3

3.  Bengals       9.5   Never bet against the Bengals chance to lose a game.

4.  Titans         8.0

5. Packers       7.2

6. Cowboys    6.2

7. Chargers     5.8   Hey Look!  The Chargers finally made a top seven!

4TH QUARTER POINTS PER GAME, OFFENSE

And, finally, when you just cannot make a difference when it matters most

1. Panthers  3.8  Dig a hole in the first quarter, and do nothing in the 4th.  Great.

2. Texans    3.8   their defense sits on you at this point.  It's gonna bite them in playoffs.

3. Jaguars    4.0  Jags sit on themselves

4. Dolphins  4.2   Note the next 3 are all AFC East

5. Jets          4.5   

6. Bills         4.7  What's gonna happen when these AFC East teams finally play each other?

4TH QUARTER POINTS GIVEN UP, DEFENSE

Here they are, snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, or playing really really wild finishes all the time.

1. Redskins  12.8    (6.8 on offense themselves, so they ALMOST win them)

2. Bills        12.7

3. Titans     12   (the blowout machine, these Titans)

4. Jaguars   10.6   

5. Lions      10.2

6. Steelers    9.4

7. Chargers  8.8  (this went way up this week!)

OPPONENTS RED ZONE SCORING PERCENTAGE

Finally, the Chargers show their qualities

1. Colts        73.68%

2.  Chargers  73.33%

3. Bills          71.43%

4. Bengals     64.71%

5. Falcons     64.29%   wow

NOW make your predictions!

-wacko