The Year of the 3rd String QB goes Prime Time

REDSKINS 20,  COWBOYS 17 (OT)

In a game marred by flashes of competence, yet another 3rd string quarterback took the field in the Doormat Division tonight, with Redskin QB Colt McCoy prepared to short-arm passes and fling wounded ducks wherever required.  The Cowboys, however, had other ideas.  Refusing to take a commanding lead, they shrug off the Deadskin strategy and deploy multiple fumbles and nurse a meager lead into a deficit by the third quarter, 10-7, including getting Tony Romo out of the game with a bruised back (the Redskins must have lined up in all-out blitz mode on almost every play).

With the score tied at 17-17, the Redskinks engineer a reverse drive from the Cowboy 37 with 3:03 to go, pulling off a penalty and a sack to stay safely out of field goal range.  They punt, pinning the Cowboys at their own 3.  On consecutive plays the Redskins refuse to recover a GIFT fumble at the 3, and then an interception right through a defensive back's hands, narrowly avoiding absurdly close field goal position.  Neither team can secure the loss, so it goes to overtime.

The 'Skins (can we call them the Hides?) win the coin toss, with an oddly unsure referee on mic sounding like he'd never done a coin toss.  Anybody catch that?  At this point, McCoy realizes he's achieved competence in the game, and decides at least ONE Doormat team deserves an upset this week, and we agree- especially when the Cowpies are involved.  Colt rips his team down the field and they rifle a field goal through the uprights and escape Dallas, the classiest armpit in America, with a victory.

Hats off to the Natives!

-wacko

Gods of the Doormat

Cleveland Browns 3, Pittsburgh Steelers 14

How many Colt McCoy jerseys are in garbage cans this morning in the greater Cleveland metropolitan area, do you suppose?

If you haven’t seen the Cleveland Brownies play football, you haven’t seen Doormat expertise at it’s finest. Trailing 7-3 in the 4^th quarter, showing absolutely no life since the opening drive of the game (the ever-ominous opening-drive field goal), the Brownies snag a Ben Rothlisberger pass deep in their own territory and run it out to the 44. Somehow the Brownies get a first down. But then, the offensive line clears the runway for #92, James Harrison of the Steelers, really clocking QB Colt McCoy- knocking him woozy and to the sidelines. But wait! Roughing the passer. Ball moves to the 19. Brownies at this point are in serious jeopardy of taking the lead, and though plenty of time is left to still lose, the threat of victory looms. Backup QB Seneca Wallace enters the game. The NFL’s shortest QB then rifles a 13 yard pass for a first down at the 5 yard line. Wow!

Whoa right there. This is no time to wreck your 28^th in the league 40.74 % conversion rate in the red zone. You could still catch the Lambs (37.5 %). If you were the coach, what would YOU do? Have the fleet footed Wallace run a naked bootleg? Are you KIDDING? No, send the man who is 0-8 lifetime against his AFC North opponents- the fuzzy headed Colt McCoy- back out there for this:

Intentional grounding (actually, he was down and it shoulda been a sack), pushing the the Brownies back to the 16, where, on 3^rd down, Colt holds onto the ball long enough so every single Steeler defender can see where he’s looking, though it’s debatable whether Colt knew, and he chooses William Gay for the interception. Done! Whew, that was close.

Now, what do you follow that game-killer play with? Why, the longest gainer of the day for the Steelers, a 79-yard romp of a pass play TD that secures the loss. Game Over!

The loss improves Cleveland’s record to 4-9, and they’ve now nailed down 15 of the last 16 losses against Pittsburgh. That’s 8 years. 8. Brownies, at this point, could lose the remaining games still, finish 4-12 (they were once 3-3 a frightening brush with a winning record), and maybe get Matt Barkley in the draft. Should they be trying to improve, though I am not sure why a team with these kind of Doormat skills would do that. It’s just poetry in motion.