And who is that sitting on the bench there? Number Zero? Of course, it's George Plimpton, the Paper Lion of 1964. The Oracle claims that is when all the Detroit woes and the hex began.
Allowing a journalist to put on a sacred NFL jersey and take the field as quarterback for five plays offended the Gods of the NFL up there in Valhalla or somewhere like that. I hear they drink a lot of wine made from honey there. Yech. What's wrong with a warm PBR and a hot dog? They have good hot dogs in Chicago at Soldier Field, especially the ones with cucumber and onions on them. MMMM.
Anyway, number 0 offended the NFL Gods and so they put a hex on Detroit that took effect on the last game of the 1964 season when the Cleveland Browns romped over the Lions to take the NFL Championship--the last season without a Super Bowl.
Since then the Lions, er, Kittens, have not been in a NFL Championship game, and according to the Oracle, they never will until George Plimpton officially apologies to the Gods, but we aren't sure if that is going to happen because he died in 2003. Sorry, George, great book, but bad for the Lions. Please find Valhalla up there and apologize!
Until then, the Kittens will continue to find the most spectacular ways to lose, no matter how good or bad they are.
But there is a bright moment on the horizon. This week they stagger into Green Bay to take on the Packers who are locked in 8-4 tie for the NFC North with the Chicago Care Bears. The Kittens will somehow find their mojo and will clock the Packers 35-21.
And now for the rest of the predictions:
Denver-28
Oakland-13
Dallas- 24
Cincinnati- 28
Kansas City- 14
Cleveland- 17
Tennessee- 14
Indianapolis- 28
Philadelphia- 28
Tampa Bay- 31
Atlanta- 28
Carolina- 17
NY Jets- 10
Jacksonville- 9
Arizona- 12
Seattle- 32
New Orleans- 33
NY Giants- 36
Detroit- 35
Green Bay- 21
Gentlemen, make your predictions!
The Curse of the Paper Lion. It's perfect. Of course. The chance of Plimpton finding Valhalla are good, because he could talk his way into any party, but his credentials won't. And I don't mean Harvard educated upper-class New Yorker. Going all the way back to the 18th century, Plimpton's family tree lands him in England. And though the Vikings ran over England for a couple centuries, it's pretty doubtful he's going to get past the gate. You can see the curse working. They get one year of 10-6, and bam they're right back in the basement, including TWO losses to the Vikings. Of course, why the football Gods are in Valhalla may be something to question, but there are more pressing questions. Like what are my picks?
ReplyDeleteWe should have two more teams make the 10 mark this week, at least. The Raiders and the Pheebles.
The Raiders lead the league in points allowed- 31.3, 28th against the run, and 25th against the pass. That means they never know what's coming, and they're facing the guy that always knows what you're doing, so the Raiders only chance is to look like they don't know what they're doing. They are good at this, but the offense will keep the pressure on their own defense and it will ultimately crumble.
Denver 31.3
Raiders 10 (they always get one useless TD late)
Dallas 14
Cincinnati 10
The only team that either of these teams beat that had any cred at the time are the NY Giants. It's a toss-up. It's also hard to find teams with winning records to beat, so it's a red herring.
******
Chiefs 21
Browns 10
The Chiefs come down after last week's roller coaster, and now are just pissed off. Browns have won 2 in a row. That's enough of that.
Tennessee 7
Indy 28
Jake Locker's return has brought the Titanics back into Doormat line.
Falcons 40
Panthers 20
Stop watching the Cam cam, Cam.
Pheebs 14
Bucs 17
Onward Christian soldiers, to the top of the Doormat NFC. Actually, the Pheebs have the best chance they've had in a very long time to win a game.
NY Nyets 7
Gaguars 24
Sanchez returns to the lineup. Why?
Crudinals 0
Seattle 19
NOLA 13
Giants 3
Giants are more mediocre than the Saints. They can out-mediocre them.
Paper Lions 23
Meatpackers 34
The Curse of the Paper Lion endures.
Sorry, I said at first they must be in a place like Valhalla but then said they were. I doubt the Gods of the NFL are in Valhalla, though the Viking gods probably would dig football, they might be in the lunchroom at ESPN or NBC, but probably not there either. Let's say they live on Mt. Bowlympus. Other suggestions?
ReplyDeletePlimpton was the quintessential party crasher and I loved his books. But the Plimpton Hex lives on in Detroit!
I think you got the Ain't and Gnats right, there wacko. Giants are definitely playing over their heads most of the year. LUcky for them their division sucks.
ReplyDeletewhich division is good? Is there one?? Might actually be the NFC North. AFC North? They have 3 teams with winning records. This might mean that Cleveland is better than we think...or the whole division got to play the AFC West and NFC East. Which I think is tru.
ReplyDeleteCleveland couldn't possibly be better than we think, could they?
ReplyDelete"So the Raiders only chance is to look like they don't know what they're doing," now that is perfectly said, Wacko.
ReplyDeleteCome to think of it, there must be collateral damage from the day the Hex was put on Detroit, because the Cleveland Browns have not exactly had a lot of wins either. They were in the AFC championship game with Brian Sipe and the Cardiac Kids (the best win at the last second all season long team I ever saw), but they lost that game and they have never been in a Super Bowl. Poor Chomps!
ReplyDeleteMajor voo-doo juju gris gris on that game. End of the old school. You guys never get to win again.
ReplyDelete