Friday, January 6, 2017

This Weekend's Playoff With a Doormat Aroma

PLAYOFF POSEURS



Every year, some team waltzes into the playoffs with a truly dubious resume.   In 2014, it was the Carolina Panthers, at 7-8-1, with a minus 35 point differential.  They won their Wild Card game against the Cardinals, even.  Reality set in the next week versus the Seahawks, no strangers to dubious playoff resumes.

In 2015 the Houston Texans (9-7) won their division because everybody else was battling for the Moldy Carpet.  The AFC South, without Houston,  had a combined point differential of -274. Wow. Oddly enough, the Texans got blanked, 30-0, by the Chiefs on Wild Card Weekend.

Here in 2016, the Texans are back, and though still stuck on 9-7 (3 years in a row), they have a solid Doormat credential of a -49 point differential. That AFC South is always working to give us the worst division winner money can overpay. The Titans will fix that next year. Adding to this already attractive mix, the Toxins will start free agent bust Brock Osweiler at QB, because Tom Savage got his bell rung and he is still hearing birdies chirping. Not good for the headset in the helmet.  "Coach, did you say R67 off tackle right, or American Woodlark?"

The Texans, ready to lose big, despite a real defense, have a major challenge in the Oakland Raiders, who will start, for the first time in NFL History (if you don't count the first 40 years), a rookie,for his first NFL start,  in a playoff game. Connor Cook, the Raider's 3rd string scout squad QB, gets the nod after fledgling Doormat All-Star back-up Matt McGloin got his shoulder stove in during last week's stumble-fest against the Bronkettes.  Cook looked cool-cucumber like last week, as he calmly turned the ball over twice.  Nerves of Doormat steel.

Yes, the Raiders have exited the Basement, and every single Basement member hopes Cook has some kind of miracle game and pulls off the victory.  But have you looked across the line at the Texan's defense lately?  Don't get your hopes up toooo high.

So, get your pizza box tables set up, cool some beer in your sub-zero weather, wiggle the antennae until the snow is only outside- and settle in for a game where nobody scores, except by accident.

Enjoy!!

-wacko






8 comments:

  1. fumble-6 for houston and INT-6 for the raiders. final score 10-7 Oakland. the difference being a Janikowski FG at some point after a major guffaw turnover by the toxins deep in their own territory.
    thanks for reminding me about wiggling the antenna, I kept banging the top of the set with my fist and it wasn’t making a difference in the snow content. plus whatever happened to old commercials for 976-WAKE?

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  2. Now you've got me what is 976-WAKE??

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    1. That's a wake up call service. I understand it was bogus, a lot of people got ripped off and it is gone now. One of those services that says "it's only $1" but it turns out you actually agreed to $1 a day for the rest of your life.

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  3. Conner Cook has the skills, but he is not ready for this. Toxins have hungry, angry defense wanting to prove they are not poseurs! However, they can't help themselves and I agree with Elvis. Look for horrible offense all day and then a completely weird turnover or misstep by Toxins late in the game that becomes a game winning FG for Janikowski. My only Dif from Elvis is NO Raiders TDs. Final score, Toxins 7, Raiders 9. I am sure both offenses will spend most of the day in their own territory. Every score will be a short field drive. I just went up on my roof and hung speaker wires from the antenna and put a beer bottle on the top. That usually reduces the snow effect. Can hardly wait!

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    1. good prediction on the game, and good call on the reception, and 976-WAKE was not a funeral svc.

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    2. I have to try to beer bottle thing. ...I'd have to get up off the barcalounger first.

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  4. aaaaand so much for miracles. Raider defense looked just out of gas. They have looked that way for the last 3 weeks. Connor Cook looked like the guy from the practice squad. Which he was.

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  5. raiders almost gave up a pic-6.

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