It was nerve wracking- hitting Week 15 and there were only
three teams with 10 losses. Curse you, parity. But yesterday fixed that, and the Basement is a cozy, if a
little stinky, circle of teams helping themselves to the bean dip and arguing
about who’s wallpaper will grace this hallowed rumpus room when all the
astro-turf has settled and the Gatorade has dried.
Welcome to the 10 Club, Cleveland (6 years in a row),
Oakland (2), Tampa Bay (new member) and Jacksonville (3). Old friends, mostly. It’s just an embarrassment of
riches. Emphasis on embarrassment. But
that’s where we come in. Here,
your inept coaching and lackluster performances, your turnover mill and
forgotten playbooks are celebrated and given a shot at History and a
trophy! Not everybody has a
mission in life. Do you even have
a mission statement?
THE MOLDY CARPET TROPHY!
As you can see here, it's important to keep the
Moldy Carpet Trophy in a safe location during the season,
Teams in contention- Houston (2-12). Barring a complete collapse, the
Toxins should take the AFC in the Doormat. Charging hard are the Browns (4-10) and the Raiders
(4-10). After scaring us with
multiple victories, Jacksonville
(4-10) is back in the mix.
Over in the NFC,
the Washington Redskins (3-11) moved one game ahead of Atlanta (4-10),
and now own the tiebreaker. Also
returning to respectability in the Doormat is Tampa (4-10), who almost made the
mistake of looking up. The Vikings
(4-9-1) could still win it all (lose it all, what do I really mean, here?), but
after yesterday’s game, I don’t think their heart’s in it.
NFC BRAGGING RIGHTS
REDSKINS 27, FALCONS 28
The Battle for the Basement in the NFC did not disappoint
yesterday. I really thought the
Falcons had the tools to blow this game when it counted, but the Redskins came
at them with everything they had.
Redskinks skipper Mike Shanaplan’s bold move of the week, benching the
beat up and demoralized RGB III and running a fresh back-up out there in Kirk
Cousins, produced some great results: SEVEN turnovers- 5 lost fumbles and two
interceptions which resulted in 20 Atlanta points. Still, the whole thing almost backfired when the Stinks
found themselves at the 2-yard line, going for a 2-point conversion with 18
seconds to go, with the game on the line. Fumble? Interception? The tension was
so thick you coulda made an ulcer out of it. Not to worry, Cousins put it right where a Falcon could
deflect it, the game ends with a thud and the Skins skulk out of Georgia with
their biggest loss of the year.
Redskins #1 in the NFC today.
BLOWOUTS OF THE WEEK
RAIDERS 31,
CHIEFS 56
It’s hard to call this a blowout when the Raiders actually
pulled to 34-31 in the third quarter, but 7 turnovers and a total 4th
quarter collapse resulting in the biggest point total ever given up by the Silver and Blacked Out gives it
enough cred. Interstate 880 ran
right through the stadium yesterday with tire tracks right over the helmets of
the entire Oakland defense…whenever they got close enough to get run over, which wasn't often.
Injury update:
Raider RB Darren McFadden will play next week. The team did not disclose what type of new injury he is
going to sustain, but coach Dennis Allen informed the media that “it
should happen well before
half-time.”
GIANTS 0,
SEAHAWKS 23
In our Week 15 preview, I said the Giants were just trying
to get out of the way, and boy did they do the job. Giants get second shut-out of the season, no small
accomplishment. The last time a
team got shut out twice in a season?
You really think I’m looking that up? Eli Manning goes nuts, throws 5 interceptions and takes a
huge lead for the INT crown. 25
for Mr. Manning, 21 for Geno Smith (who only managed one yesterday). At least the New York media has
something to write about.
UPSETS OF THE WEEK:
VIKINGS 48,
EAGLES 30
Just because I predicted it doesn’t mean I’m not shocked,
okay? Finally, after a lot of
false starts, we have some upsets.
It’s been bleak, waiting for one of our Doormat brethren to get off the
moldy carpet and clock somebody.
The Vikings, in their next-to-last last game in the Hubert H. Humprhey
Metrodome, play a miracle game without any of their ‘star’ player. Yes, that’s singular. Next year, the Vikes will
play OUTDOORS at the University of Minnesota’s field, so everybody can just be
a little more miserable. The new
stadium, which features dramatic design and a ship-like soaring prow, will be
ideal for football, picnics and any event that requires a soaring prow.
RAMS 27,
SAINTS 16
Don’t tell me you saw this coming. Nobody picked the Rams, except some lucky slobs in Vegas who
can’t get all the money into their Chevy Aveo trunk this morning. Let’s not forget, though, that the
Lambs, in their fantastic 2-14 2011 season, beat these same Saints, 31-21, and
it wasn’t even that close, as the Saints got all their points in garbage
time. At 6-8 the Lambs still
have a shot at 10 losses (Bucs and Seahawks coming up), but I think they’ll
clock the Bucs. The Lambs have had
to play 6 games against the Cards, Hawks and 49ers. They’ve had the toughest schedule in the league. The Saints were an easy game for them.
THE REST OF THE SORRY PILE
BROWNS 31, BEARS 38
The come-from-ahead losses just keep piling up, and
yesterday was the best- 21
straight 4th quarter points for the Bears. Flame on! Flame
out! Blank Helmet Football marches
on.
TOXINS 3,
COLTS 25
You know when you are really bad when you can’t even get top
billing in the league you are winning.
Houston turns in another loss, but
this time, with Wade Phillips driving, they just come out flat right away and
play terrible for the whole game, and lose by more than 20 points. Much more efficient than all those
exhausting close games.
BILLS 27,
JAGS 20
The Jags, once expected to go 0-16, out-class the Nils and get to the 10
Club before they do. Ha! Jags reassert their qualities before
the winning gets out of hand. The Bills get Miami and then New England next,
both teams scraping for playoff positions, so 10 losses will come along before
it’s all done.
THE STANDINGS
DOORMAT DIVISION NFL WEEK 15 STANDINGS
NFC .
W-L PF-PA
Washington 3-11 305-434
Tampa Bay 4-10 258-324
Atlanta 4-10 309-388
Minnesota 4-9-1 363-425
NY Giants 5-9 251-357
AFC .
Houston 2-12 253-375
Jacksonville 4-10 221-399
Cleveland 4-10 288-362
Raiders 4-10 295-393
Buffalo 5-9 300-354
