CELLAR DIVISION WEAK XII WRAP-UP AND DISPOSAL
It was a week of strong competition in the Cellar, with losers knocking on the rumpus room door for the first time all year, and the leaders burning a trail towards the Moldy Carpet.
LOSER OF THE WEEK
Carolina Pansies
This is tough to call but the Stale Quart of Pabst, with complimentary beer soaked Marlboros, goes to the Carolina Pansies, who return to the cellar this week on the strength of a day where they muster 11 first downs, 4 interceptions,104 yards passing and SIX meager points against the generous NY Jets. They just barely edge out the Brownies and the Cubs (Bears), because the Pansies did not get into the end zone, except during pre-game warm-ups.
This week’s Trailers:
Points: 6 Pansies
First Downs: 8 Chicago Cubs
Total Yards: 169 Brownies and Cubs (it’s a freaking tie)
Passing: 95 yards, SeaHags (and they WON)
Rushing: 43 yds. Chicago Cubs
Turnovers: 5 Kittens
Honorable mention on fumbles: Cheaps 4, lost 3.
Penalties: Texans 10-129 !! That’s gotta be the loss right there.
Time of Possesion: 19:05 Cubs
BLOWOUT OF THE WEEK:
Chargers 43, Cheaps 14
Walkfish and Wacko both called this blowout, with Wacko nearly nailing the point total, though neither of us thought the Cheaps would score at all. Fumbling 3 times (with one returned for a TD) and tossing in an INT, the Cheaps stumble into Monday with a bitter taste of reality in the mouth, and a sore butt in their shorts. They gave up over 500 yards of offense to the Chargers, who are playing, drum roll please, the BROWNIES next week at home. Chargers get blowout of the week next week too. I say over 50 points.
The Chicago Cubs are showing every sign of being a team that completely comes apart at the end of the season. They may not be in the Cellar, but that’s just because the NFC division is so hard to break into. Two teams at 1-10, THREE teams at 4-7.
But, with 8 first downs yesterday, they are working it, and with any luck, could lose to the Lambs next week (Stiff of the Week game next week). Look out Lambs, the Cubbies are after the Moldy Carpet.
Notable games:
Nils 31 Floppers 14
Wow does Miami know how to blow a game. What is that, like, 6 of them? Ahead 14-7 in the 4th quarter, the Floppers do what they do best, FLOP on the Deck like Fish. These guys get up to more nautical nonsense than Spongebob. And, who cares if they’re good or bad, right? I mean, the NILS? 24 straight point to finish the game. I think that’s the collapse of the year.
STIFF OF THE WEEK
Bungles 16 Brownies 7
You know, the Brownies are in this one almost every week (even though I just started this), unless it’s the Blowout of the Week.
Bengals play it conservative (you try losing to the Raydurz and see what you do the next week), rushing 45 times, even though the Brownies have the WORST defensive backfield in the league, except for the Kittens. They hold the ball, between their knees, for 38 minutes. Jesus I hope the fans brought a lot of booze into the stadium to give themselves the illusion there was a contest going on. 14 punts by both teams. The Brownies came after them with their dazzling array of negative yardage wide-out ‘screens,’ the stupidest play in football, and their anemic running game, whose 58 yards of falling forward was padded by a Brady Quinn 10 yard run. Next Stiff for the Bengals: the Kittens.
aaaaaaaAAAAND That’s the View from the Basement!!
I'm a little concerned about the Lambs potential let down with the Cubs next week. If the Lambs look past this game (to what?), they could accidentally win. Jay Cutler has a curse on his house or a pox or whatever it is that makes you suffer the most anguish possible as a millionaire.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I am encouraged when I look at the remaining schedule for the Brownies and Rayduhs. It could very well be decided in week 15 when these two powerhouses get it on. I have to feel good about my chances with the Brownies as they have proven they can lose whenever it counts and especially when it doesn't. But I won't need luck if the Rayduhs beat the Pansies or Hags, and I believe they will because they are just not dedicated to losing the way a champion must be. It will take an act of Allah to keep me from the crown, or carpet, or stale beer, or whatever it is that goes to the winners...I mean losers...you know what I mean!
CORRECTION:
ReplyDeleteThe Boutoniers play the Hags and Pansies which should give me the edge over Turner. The Rayduhs play the Skinflix and the Brownies. I could win going away with a three or four game lead at the end! Just LOSE, Baby!
Jay Cutler would be the perfect quarterback to pay to throw a game, except he already throws games without the graft. Betting. whatever.
ReplyDeleteI forgot to mention in the wrap-up the Snatch Defeat from the Jaws of Victory, which has to go to the Bootineers, losing in the final seconds to Atlanta as backup Chris Redman brings the Falcons back from embarrassment. The Deadskins come in a close second by giving up a field goal in the last 2 minutes to pull one out of the win column.
There will be a Champion in the league, which is the Moldy Carpet on the blog. The overall (composite record) champion takes home the Moldy Carpet (a real item) for real, though.
ReplyDeleteOops too many comments in a row, but YES, Eggchair, Raydurz can't be trusted to lose every single time- two of their wins were against the Eagles and the Bungles (who DO lead their division). Their defense rises up every third game or so and plays great ball, just snuffing out the other team. As long as the offense doesn't completely implode, they win those games. Cheaps are more likely to catch Brownies, but I just cannot see the Brownies winning a game. I don't know what that would look like at this point.
ReplyDeleteI still don't know how I am not at least tied
ReplyDeletewith JIm. Oakland has no excuse for winning
2 of the 3 games they did. It has to be a fix
somewhere in Vegas, that is the only explanation.
It's'all about the schedule now. Dug, Raydurz have got to win at least one more game. But, Jim, Lambs will win another too. It's upto the Brownies. They control their own destiny now.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, Kittens will probably not win again. So look out!
And how about those Cubs? Must have been five errors are 14 unearned runs they gave up.
Which reminds me, I am so out of it I realize I am still calling the NFC North the NFC Central. Oh well, I still call MLK, Union Avenuem Good luck ever getting me to call 39th by any other name.
I may be old, but I'm confident!
And why do STL and Atlanta teams keep getting into the West?
Honk me a Bohemian, Larry!