Holy Fricking Cow what a weekend!! It’s UPSET WEEKEND!
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Two, count ‘em TWO, cellar dwellers rise up and knock off a division leader and last year’s Super Bowl champs. The Kittens and the Brownies play the most inspiring game of the year, complete with injured QB heroics for the final play, and…and everybody else lost as usual. Seahags win WORST TEAM OF THE WEEK. Brownies and Lambs still rule the Rumpus Room.
I’m going to keep it brief, because I have to go down to the courthouse and sign up for comedy traffic school, so the laughs are all on me in a little bit.
LIONS 38- Brownies 37
That’s right- the LIONS. Matthew Stafford pulls an end-around the bench, eluding team doctors, lumbers onto the field like the hunchback of Ford Field, and throws the winning touchdown. What a GAME!! Nothing like having the two worst defensive backfields in the league square off. Some receivers were so far open that they got lonely and started talking trash to themselves.
Some numbers:
Brady Quinn doubled his career TD passing totals (4 yesterday), and some were wonderful ‘heave it up there’ bombs.
The Brownies exceed their highest point total of the year before 1st quarter ends.
Stafford throws 5 TD passes, the most for a rookie since 1937.
Both teams clear 20 first downs- and the Brownies just don’t do that.
In fact, the Brownies don’t do anything except lose…and they still did. My condolences to the city of Cleveland, but your guys did put on a hell of a show.
Raydurz 20 Bungles 17
Mr. Cellar, Bruce Gradkowski, guides the Raydur offense to a wild late touchdown, and then Bungles cough it up on the ensuing kick-off, giving Sea Bass (Sebastian Janikowski) a point-blank field goal chip shot to WIN the game. And the smallest crowd of the year (33,000 and that’s inflated) goes wild! Kudos to the Raydur defense for playing tough again, going blitz crazy (10) and getting rewarded for it.
Here’s a few comments from the Raydurz about their new QB: “He commanded the huddle and was punctual.” “He gave great feedback today when he came off the field.” “We practiced that throw (on the touchdown to Murphy) all week”
“If the number one option isn’t there, he knows where to go.” Hearing his coach say Mr. Cellar may have been a little too amped up, guard Robert Gallery said “Shit I hope he was amped up!”
I think we knowz who they REALLY be talking about.
CHEAPS 27 Rustbelters 24 (OT)
Jesus it just doesn’t stop around here. The Chiefs do it again, winning with less than 15 first downs. Freaking amazing. That’s two in a row, and the fresh air must feel good in those basement lungs. Personally, it gives me great pleasure to see the AFC west rise up and clock the AFC central, and for the Chargers to bury the Broncos. Great day in the AFC west.
All these teams won at home before delirious fans.
OK. Everybody else lost.
BLOWOUT OF THE WEEK? Vikings 35- Seahags 9. Welcome to the league, ‘Hags, you guys BELONG. Seriously. See below.
Statistical Leaders Weak XI:
Least points: 6, Deadskins
Fewest first downs: 10, Seahags
Lowest total yards: 212, Sehags
Most turnovers: 4, Bootineers
Most penalties: 10 for 64 yards, Seahags
Passing low: 100, Bootineers (on 17-33-3)
Rushing low: 4 (that’s not a mistake) Seahags
Most yards given up: 515, Cheaps (how did they win this game??)
Shortest Time of possession: 17:49 Seahags!
Do the Lambs and Seahags get it on again this year? That could be a Cellar Classic.
ReplyDeletethat photo of the '54 championship- nice digging, there Walkfish!
ReplyDeleteYeah, I should lool up the numbers on the Jerseys. Maybe we can name our trophy after them.
ReplyDeleteYes, eggchairjim, they do play again. Should be a great game.
ReplyDelete