Doormat Division: NFL Week 4
Cleveland Browns at Baltimore Ravens!
Wow, it's only Week 4 of the Run to the Moldy Carpet, and the Cleveland Brownies are starting to shape up as THE team win an absolute minimum of games. Already 0-3, the Brownies are still reeling from the loss of their star defensive back, Joe Haden, suspended for 4 games for a PED violation, which the gossip mill says was Adderall, a stimulant. Have another bowl of Chomps, Joe...and just a coffee, please.
In his absence, the Brownies have given up 8 TD passes already, in contrast to 16 for the whole season last year. Wow! They're on pace to rack up 42 TD passes. Pow! Despite being in the running for the Moldy Carpet Trophy last year (the worst record in the league takes it), Blank Helmet Football is reaching a kind of perfection that may set an all-time record. Our pre-season pick to win it all is showing their qualities.
And now they have to play the Ravens in Baltimore on a short week. Let's not forget the Ravens WERE the Browns, and the only time the Browns went to the Super Bowl was two years after they moved to Baltimore. Are you feeling this, Cleveland? Why isn't Brownie mascot Chomps biting more people? It's desperation time, Brownies- time to fire it up. Maybe that's a poor choice of words.
On the offensive side of the ball, rookie QB Brandon Weeden is the latest draft pick carefully chosen by the Cleveland Brownies highly sophisticated draft criteria. Ready? Only draft QBs who played for teams that wear ORANGE.
Think I'm kidding? Derek Anderson (Oregon State). Orange. Colt McCoy (Texas) Orange. Brandon Weeden (Oklahoma State)....ORANGE!!! It's so simple it's stupid!
How's Brandon doing so far?
3 TD passes (on pace to match last year)
6 interceptions (still struggling with color recognition).
8 sacks (and they haven't faced a really scary rush yet) - that's 42 for the season.
60.7 rating
Ok, OK! He's not that bad. He's a rookie. We'll give him time. But for THIS season, he's a doormat all-star, the classic rookie being thrown to the wolves because they don't have anybody else, except Agent 'Orange' Colt McCoy.
Tune in tonight to see the best the Doormat Division has to offer!
aaAAaaAAAnd that's the View from the Basement!!!!
Now that we have non-lingerie regs, Brownies are unstoppoable in the loss column.
ReplyDeleteRavens have beat Brownies 8 times in a row. Ravens are upset that they really lost on Sunday but the refs handed them a phantom field goal. They will be out to prove something. Brownies are gettin' the hurt.
ReplyDeleteWeeden gets an Ed Reed finger away from overtime. Brownies will win a few. We gots parity in the Cellar!
ReplyDeletethe Blank Helmets should win a few....they have the Colts on their agenda. I dunno, though, they have the new twist of the killer interception, which Colt McCoy did not bring to the table last year.
ReplyDelete