Dolts Hold on To Lose Doormat Bowl III

Lambs top Dolts in Doormat Bowl III in Russia

In a bedevilling exercise in futility, the St. Louis Lambs survived the Bonehead Forest to defeat the Indianapolis Dolts, 24-17 in Doormat Bowl III on February 24, 2012 in Krustkarsk, Russia. The temperature at kickoff was -6 degrees Farenheit, but the over 125,000 roaring fans, fortified with Vodka, cheered their way through a game highlighted by the Indianapolis defense rushing for more yards than its offense.

"This was a great day for us," said Lambs running back Jerious Norwood. "Thanks to the fans, you'd never known we was the worst two teams in the NFL." Norwood ran for 23 yards on 10 carries with one TD.

"We very much enjoyed American football," said one Russian fan. "But it was not so high scoring as we believed. You get a lot of points to score, but if you think about it, only 7 scores in the game and Lambs win 4-3, like soccer. But we love all the hitting!"

Indianapolis took the opening kickoff deep in it's own end zone and ran it out to the one-half yard line. Two dropped passes later, the Rams finally intercepted the third errant throw from Chris Painter and scampered into the end zone. Lambs, 7-0.

On it's next posession, Indianapolis started on the 23-yard-line. Addai ran two up the middle for a combined loss of 8 yards. On third and very long, Painter rifled one to Austin Collie who got loose in the backfield and ran the ball to the St. Louis 23. On the very next play, Painter was sacked by line backer James Laurinaitis. The ball popped loose and defensive end Brandon Lloyd scooped up the ball and lumbered all the way for score. lambs, 14-0.

On the Dolts next drive they replaced Painter with Orlovsky, who competed three consecutive passes to get the ball to the Lambs' 48. But the offense sputtered on the ground and they punted. At this point the game turned into more of a tennis match, as each team took three downs and punted, until late in the second quarter.

On 3rd and 17, Sam Bradford rolled right and fired a bullet to Jerious Norwood. The ball glanced off his fingers, skipped off his helmet, and fell into the hands of safety Melvin Bullit. Bullit streaked for the sideline, but tight end Hoomanawanui knocked the ball loose. It squirted out as Hoomanaqanuiu dove on it and a massive pile of scrambling Dolts and Lambs ensued. Officials estimate the ball exchanged possession 9 times in the next 25 seconds, and it was carried a total of 123 yards, but ultimately the Dolts linebacker A. J. Edds got control of the ball and staggered to the Lambs' 18-yard-line before Bradford dragged him to the icy field, Bradford sustained a concussion in the process and left the game.

On the very next play the Dolts coughed up the ball on an end run and the Lambs recovered on the 23. St.Louis could not move the ball and punted on 4th and 10. The Dolts blocked the punt, recovered it on the 30, and ran it into the end zone with 10 seconds left in the half. Lambs 14, Dolts 7.

The third quarter was a punt fest, but the Lambs did manage a field goal to extend the lead to 17-7. But, in the fourth quarter, the Dolts' fortunes changed. The Lambs started blizting on every play, fueled by the desire to put the game away early, and Orvlosky suddenly found his rhythm. With a name like Orvlovsky, the Russian fans connected with him, and their roaring chants of his name may have inspired him, and he threaded pass after pass through the charging Lambs. Orvlosvsky marched the Dolts downfield for a touchdown, and then engineered a clock-killing drive, just the thing you want to do when you are behind, that ended in a Dolts field goal with just two minutes to go in the game. Tied, 17-all.


After 16 grueling regular season games, it came down to just two minutes to decide which team could find a way to lose and earn the coveted Mouldy Carpet.

The Dolts on-side kick was unsuccessful and the Lambs took the ball on their own 40. Three up-the-middle runs later it was 4th and 12 and the punting team came on the field with 35 seconds to go. in the frozen twilight, the temperature dipping below -18 degrees Farenheit, punter John Hekker took the hike and drilled at 56-yard, towering kick deep into the end zone.

"I never saw a punt like that," coach Steve Spagnuolo said later, "Maybe it was that cold, Russian air, maybe it was John drinking Vodka during the game, but the hang time was so long every Lamb on the field was standing there when Joe Lefeged dropped the ball."

For reasons Lefeged still can't explain, he did not call for a fair catch and he attempted to surprise everyone by taking the kick and squirting through the ring of Lambs. It didn't work. The ball zipped through his arms, bounced on the ground, and the Lambs recovered it for a touchdown. One extra point later it was 24-17 Lambs with just 20 seconds to go. The Dolts attempted another onside kick, but failed because St. Louis was actually kicking off, taking Indianapolis totally by surprise. The Dolts started on their own 20 and ran out the clock to finally lose Doormat Bowl III and earn Mouldy Carpet.