The Doormat Division: NFL WEEK 4 Wrap-Up and Disposal!

The Doormat Division:  NFL Week 4 Wrap-Up and Disposal

The Doormat Division is about who is doing the worst, and doing it best.

It was an incredible weekend for racking up the stats in the Doormat, and I don’t see why we shouldn’t tack them up right now:

NFL Week 4 Worst Stats!!!!!

Turnovers: 6                 Bills, Chiefs 

Interceptions:  4            Ryan Fitzpatrick, Bills  (season total 7, tied for lead)

Fumbles lost: 3            Jets, Chiefs

Points:  0                      Jets

First downs:  9              Jets             (noticing a trend?)

Total yards: 145            Jets   (Biplanes? Cropdusters?)

Pass yards: 100            Jets, Vikings

Rush yards: 28            Cardinals  (Jets 45)

Most yards and still lost: 438            Bills (Panthers 426)

Out-gain the other team and still lose:     +114  Lions  (Saints and Panthers do it too)

3^rd down conversion:  1-12     Raydurzz

Sacked:  8        Cardinals (and they WON)

Punts:  9           Cardinals (and they WON)

Total interceptions: 26

Total lost fumbles: 20  that’s a LOT.  It’s usually about 10.

Penalties: 10-107      Buccaneers  (Ravens got 11, but only 100 yards)

Time of poss: 22:35            Raydurzz           

THE DOORMAT STANDINGS:

 Won-lost and point differential

AFC

Cleveland     0-4   -25

Tennessee     1-3   -70

Oakland        1-3   -58

Kansas City  1-3   -48

Jacksonville  1-3   -35

NFC

AINTS         0-4    -20

Carolina       1-3    -29

Detroit          1-3   -14

Tampa Bay   1-3   -9

St. Louis       2-2   -12

  

BACK ON TOP!!

AINTS  27, PACKERS 28

We knew they would struggle, but who—eeeeee!!!  The Aints sit alone atop the NFC Doormat standings at a mighty 0-4,  after a wild finish where Saints kicker Garrett Hartley kicks a go-ahead 43-yard FG with 2:49 left, but WAIT- there’s a Saints penalty, so it’s a 53 yarder now, but wait the Packers are offside, so it’s a 48-yarder now.  After all that, the only thing to do is just miss the stupid uprights and lose.  Done.  Next galling loss: Chargers.  The AINTS are smokin’ hot.  I’ve never seen a team score so many points and lose.

 UGLY LOSS OF THE WEEKEND

This is a tough one.   How about the Bills, who, leading 21-7 early in the 3^rd,  turn on the turnover machine and cough it up SIX TIMES and get run over in a runaway loss 52-28 to the Pats?  At Home? A Come From Ahead Loss that turns into a Blowout? Ryan Fitzpatrick, not about to let some rookie in an orange helmet with no logo steal his interception crown, cashes in 4 killer INTs and ties Brandon Weeden for the league lead at 7.  Toss in a couple fumbles and what an ugly loss.  Go get ‘em Nils!

Or this one-

VIKINGS 20, LIONS 13

The Yikings don’t score a TD on offense.  The Kittens special teams start digging a freeway in the Kat Box, and the Yikes run back a punt and a kickoff for 2 TDs. Peeeeuw! Kittens can’t light the wet fuse that is their late game heroics (which aren’t winning games anyway) and bring back the memories for the faithful in Detroit.  Where’s my Matt Millen cut-out?

In the last 4 seasons, plus up to Week 4 this year, the Kittens have beaten teams with winning records exactly TWICE.  And the last one was TWO YEARS AGO against the Packers.  Rowr!  Ffft!! 

Or THIS ONE:

CARDINALS 24,  DOLPHINS 21

The Floppers, leading 21-14, with 5:00 left in the game, turn to rookie QB Ryan Tannehill to pull out the loss-  putting one on the rug that the Cardinals snag and then drive to tie the game with and send this baby into overtime.  Tannehill then wisely plays the INT card in OT and the Cruds have no option but to line up the kick and scrape one over the uprights for the win.  Despite getting sacked 8 times, throwing two INTs, getting 28 yards rushing and amassing 435 yards on 9 punts, the Crudinals cannot catch a break and keep on winning.  They’re 4-0 for crying out loud.  We’ve still got their bobblehead on the bar in the Basement!   The Flops live on in Doormat lore. 

THE REST OF THE SORRY PILE

RAMS 19, SEAHAWKS 13

The Lambs get out-coached again by Pete Carroll, and the Seahags remind us that they aren’t out of the basement yet by losing to the worst NFC team of the past decade. 

TEXANS 38, TITANS 14

 Titanics get blown out in a solid loss.  Tennessee stays in the Doormat race at 1-3.

BENGALS 27, JACKSONVILLE 10

Flying under the radar this week, the Gaguars just put in the time and get the loss.  Nothing fancy.  Just straight-up professional losing.  

FALCONS 30, PANTHERS 28

Yet another loss snatched from the jaws of victory, the Panthers pull off a classic, pinning the opponent at the 1 with a minute to go…and losing the ballgame.  The Panthers really need to play the AINTS and decide who can rack up the most yards and points and STILL lo- Oh, wait, they already beat the AINTS for their only victory.  The AINTS rule the roost!   

CHARGERS 37, CHIEFS 20

Whenever you hear me saying the Cheaps should win a game, don’t believe it.  Deep down I don’t believe they should win a single game, and boy did they do it up at Arrow-thru-the-Head Stadium yesterday.  Don’t let that score fool you.  It might as well have been 222-0.  SIX turnovers and a world of hurt for the football fanatics that had to watch that bombshell of a detonated football game.  The Cheaps still have Oakland on the schedule-twice, the Dolts and the Brownies.  It will be tough, but don’t count them out yet in the tough AFC Doormat.   Next Loss: Baltimore. 

aaaAAAAAAAND That’s The View from the BASEMENT!!!!