DOORMAT DIVISION STANDINGS WEEK 14

'scuse me, 'scuse me,  coming through,  'scuse me, watch out.....

Make WAY for the Arizona Cardinals, folks,  9 straight losses,  rocketing to the top of the Doormat NFC in a humongous loss, 58-0, to division rival Seattle.  8 whopping turnovers, clearly not to be outdone by the Steelers, the Cruds deliver the biggest Blow-Out of the year.  The Crudinals are suddenly at -106 in point differential and break the FOUR-WAY TIE for first in the NFC doormat.   WOW.   The Lambs, on the other hand, pull to .500 and are not allowed in the standings.

DOORMAT DIVISION WEEK 14 STANDINGS

NFC

U. OF PHOENIX    4-9       -106
PHILADELPHIA      4-9      -101

CAROLINA            4-9       -47

DETROIT               4-9      -22

NEW ORLEANS      5-8      -31

AFC

KANSAS CITY      2-11      -157

JACKSONVILLE    2-11      -143

OAKLAND            3-10     -154

TENNESSEE         4-9       -115

MIAMI                 5-8         -36

BUFFALO            5-8        -63

In the AFC,  the Raydurz and the Titanics both make the 10 club, while the NFC still can't get a 10-loss team.  Next week, for sure.    The Cleveland Brownies exit the AFC standings with yet another win and get beaten out by Buffalo and Miami, who have worse point differential.    The Chiefs come back to reality this week, realizing they are on the road and Brady Quinn is starting for them.  I wonder if Quinn got a big hug from Chomps and a brownie at the bake sale for his grand return to where it all started.   I bet he brought back a lot of memories for the Cleveland faithful.

Despite the two game lead that both KC and Jacksonville have over any of the NFC teams,  you better believe that the Crudinals are almost a lock to lose the next three and finish 4-12.   They play Detroit, Chicago,  San Francisco.  Good luck, even if Detroit is 4-9.   Detroit scores points.  The Cruds don't.

Hard to believe, but the Cruds BEAT the Patriots back in week two,  20-18.

CRUDS final:  4-12

KC, on the other hand,  has Oakland, Indy and Denver.   The Raiders- this is their chance- if they have any hope of taking the Doormat crown they have to blow the game to the Chiefs, and no matter how professionally bad they have been playing, it's going to take inspiration to lose.   It's the biggest game in the Doormat this year.  This is it.  The loser has the inside track.   However, the Raydurz beat the Gaguars, so if it ends up a tie with Jacksonville, the nod goes to the Gags.   

CHEAPS FINAL:  2-14

The Raiders finish at Carolina and then at San Diego.   Good luck losing all three.

RAYDURZ final:  4-12

Jacksonville may not be getting the press, but week in, week out, these guys lose almost every time.  Next week is the toughest, at Miami.  They could slip up and win there.  But the last two are New England and Tennesee, and though the Titanics pose a problem, I'm confident the Gags can pocket that loss without too much fuss.  They still have a chance, but they need some help. 

GAGUARS final:  3-13

In the NFC, the Eagles can pull off three more losses (Bengals, Redskins, Giants) and finish in a tie with the Cardinals, but the Cruds have the tie-breaker, beating the Pheebles in Week 3.   So, they're screwed.   

EAGLES final:  4-12

Carolina has the hardest route,  facing San Diego, Oakland and New Orleans.  After snuffing the Falcons today they will most likely party until Thursday and lose to San Diego, but the Chargers pulled off an upset of their own, so whoever has the bigger hangover and the weaker coffee loses that one. But they will not pull off losing to the Raydurz.  Sorry, not a chance.

PANTHERS final:  6-10

THERE FORE,  the predicted finish is Kansas City in the AFC and Arizona in the NFC.   

AAAAAAAnd THATS THE VIEW FROM THE BASEMENT!!!