Doormat Division Week 15 Report

DOORMAT DIVISION STANDINGS,  WEEK 15

AFC

KFC Chiefs   2-12      -172

Jacksonville   2-12      -164

Oakland        4-10       -139

Tennessee     4-9         -115

Buffalo          5-9        -96

NFC

Philly           4-10      -122

Detroit         4-10      -50

Arizona       5-9        -78

Carolina      5-9        -23

St. Louis     6-7-1     -57

It's weird, not seeing Cleveland there.  But, Buffalo is pulling out all the stops.

CLASH OF THE TITANICS!!

OAKLAND 15,  KFC 0

The only NFL team with fast-food chain colors serves up another bucket of the cheapest fare money can buy in the NFL.  Going up against the reeling and seemingly equally inept Oakland Raydurz, the KFC Cheaps show that it's NO CONTEST when it comes to whose the boss of the Basement.  

For nearly 3 quarters, it looked like KC might not even get a first down. 17 yards in the first half.  Then, after finally getting one with 5 minutes left in the 3rd, they go all crazy and wind up with 7.  I was really really hoping they'd top the Jets' league-leading 5 first downs in a game.   The Raydurz fail to convert a single red-zone opportunity, and live on the leg of Sebastian Janikowski, their #1 offensive weapon.  What a good team wouldn't give to have this guy's leg.  He hit a 57-yarder like it was a chip shot.  I think it might have been good from 70.   Straight down the field.  The only time we saw that all day.

The Cheaps, on the other hand, fail on 4th and short twice deep in Oakland territory.  Knowing that even just one touchdown might win this Stiff of the Week, they do the right thing...except on one end you have Brady Quinn throwing even less accurately than Matt Cassell, and then on the other the most rock-fingered receivers I've ever seen.  Add to that a center that just won't hike the stupid ball even when he's at the 3 yard line, the play clock is right in front of his face, and Quinn and is almost doing a Chiefs war-dance back there to get the flipping ball delivered, and it's all over.

Brady Quinn expertly throws another in the dirt.
Admire the trajectory.

BLOWOUTS OF THE WEEK
Take your pick:

BUCCANEERS 0,  SAINTS 41

GIANTS 0,  FALCONS 43

BILLS 17,  SEAHAWKS 50

CHARGERS 7,  PANTHERS 31

 LIONS 10,  CARDINALS 38

JAGUARS 3,  DOLPHINS 24

It was a parade of losing big yesterday, with some teams working hard to get a last shot at glory in the Doormat.  Also, the lowest number of first downs paraded by on the field...7 (KFC),  10  (NYG),  12 (CHI, BAL, ARI,  SD), 13 (CLE, JAC).  

The Buffalo Nils run into the buzzsaw that is the Seattle Seahawks, losing huge again.  The Bootineers have given up on the moving upward thing, and now have a shot to go 6-10 and make the 10 club.  They just have to tank the next two.  

The LIONS do the real fan-killer:  getting blown out by a team with a nine-game losing streak who were coming off a 58-0 Doormat All-Star loss to Seattle.  The KITTENS are right there, at 4-10, and must lose the next two (Atlanta and Chicago) to have a shot at taking the NFC Doormat trophy.

This team is just amazing, and you gotta hand it to the Kat Box coaching staff.  Six straight losses.  But, the Eagles pulled off the loss to Detroit back in October (26-23 OT gem),  so they need the Eagles to win one game.   With Washington and NY Giants on their schedule, that's a tall order.  The Pheebles need a team to forfeit.  It all comes down to whether the Giants will be playing for their playoff lives in the last game of the season against the Pheebs, or if they are making golfing reservations in Florida.  If the latter, watch a tank job materialize, the Pheebs get handed a win, and the Lions get back where they belong- Champs of the Doormat NFC and playing for the Moldy Carpet trophy in February in Russia.

NFC PICTURE -  games remaining

LIONS- Atlanta, Chicago.  Chicago game not a gimme.  Lions need to lose by huge margins to win by point differential.  Pheebles are 72 points ahead.

EAGLES- Washington,  NY Giants.  

AFC PICTURE

JAGUARS-  the Gaguars are still tied with KFC for the AFC division lead, separated only by a mere 8-point differential.   The Gags did it almost exclusively with perfectly timed penalties yesterday,  10 for 88 yards, but just perfectly perfectly timed.  3rd and short?  Let's make that 3rd and 9.  Or 3rd and 25.    TWO GAMES TO GO!

The Chiefs play Indianapolis and Denver, so those are a lock.   The Jags have New England and Tennessee.  New England, coming off their loss to the Niners, may score 70.  But the Titanics are going to be trouble for the Gaguars.  That's not a gimme, and they could wind up 3-13 and out of the race.  But if they lose both, and lose HUGE to the Pats, they could take it based on point differential.

It's going down to the wire.

AAAAAAAAAAnd That's the View from the Basement!!!!!