After the Guacamole Turns Grey Week 2 Review

All right, I've been allowed back into the basement.  The police have left, the yellow tape is fluttering in the wind on the patio, and I promise not to rent to mammals other than humans again.  And, I understand now that Ferrets, Weasels and Badgers don't really get along.

WHO LOOKS LIKE A SURE THING?

AFC

1.  Oakland Raiders (0-2).  There is no doubt about it- the Raydurz are bringing organizational, planned ineptitude to the field.  The coaches, the owner the general manager. This is their PLAN. They can't block, have no defense, and they can't run. Add a rookie QB and a backup who's lost all his confidence.  BOOM.  That's John Madden's meth lab RV blowing up.

Right now, it looks like their only competition is the Jaguars.  Let's let veteran Raiders safety Charles Woodson tell it:  "We suck.  That's as blunt as I can put it. ...Collectively, we look bad.  It's frustrating because everything other people say about us, we're making them right. I am really embarrassed."  Charles, cheer UP.  The Moldy Carpet may be yours.  

Looking at the entire schedule, I'd say they're only chance for victories are Sept 28th vs. Miami, Nov. 30th vs. St. Louis, and the two KC games, as the Chiefs look extremely shaky and anything can happen in a Raiders-Chiefs game.  Anything.  Predicted finish  3-13.

next loss:  @ New England

2. Jacksonville Jaguars (0-2).    75 points given up already.  Two blowouts.  Jags could run the table, but they'll need some luck.  Pittsburgh (10/5) will be tough to lose to at home.  Cleveland (10/19) may be better now, but when long-time Doormat brothers meet-up it's like old times, and it's a home game for the Gags.  Then Dallas (11/9) and the big one, the Giants (11/30) pose the other threats to a perfect season.  All home games.  Predicted finish:  2-14

Teams showing promise-  The Chiefs are still losing every almost every game since the mid-point of last year.  They'll beat the Raiders, but who else?   Everybody else just looks mediocre right now.

NFC

1. New York Giants  (0-2)   This is exciting.  The Giants may be stylishly bad.   4 turnovers yesterday,  yet piling up yards.  They move the ball, but can't score!  They still can't run the ball, and Eli Manning will be flinging from the locker room.  Coach Tom Coughlin is on the hot seat.  The BIG TEST is this week, at home against the mighty Houston Toxins.  At 2-0, the Toxins have 3 of the worst teams for the first three weeks of the season.  If the Giants can lose to these posers, they are on their way.
Predicted finish:  5-11

2.  Tampa Bay Bucs  (0-2)  Showing serious mettle by losing at the last second to the St. Louis Lambs yesterday, the Bucs are an early season favorite, as always.  But can they hold on?  Frequent late season surges spoil potential perfect seasons.  The schedule is soft, some real powder puffs in there, so anything can happen.  But....hey MOST of the teams in this league are pretty lousy, so anything can happen.   Predicted Finish:  5-11.

Teams with potential:  

Minnesota Vikings.  They flipped out after yesterday's loss and re-instated Adrien Peterson.  That's just how desperate it all is over there.  Still, any team with Matt Cassel at QB has a chance to lose every single week.

 Detroit Lions- I can't say no to the Kittens.  Last year they really brought it.  I have confidence.

St. Louis- again, the established credentials of the Lambs cannot be ignored, and you don't count them out of the Moldy Carpet until they are over .500 in the 10th week.

 San Francisco 49ers.  There is something seriously off about these guys. The new stadium looks so plastic. They're 50 miles away from SF.  There was a line at the tofu dog stand. What is their identity? Their entire defensive philosophy seems to be 'grab them in their face.'  QB Kaepernick is running for his life, and throwing INTs.  16 penalties for 118 yards!!  The feeling that maybe the wheels are about to come off is palpable.  Stay tuned.