WEEK 3- Desperation for teams with Aspiration who need Respiration
Kansas City at Miami- Cheeps are 0-2 and could be so much worse. Plus they have a tougher schedule, thanks to winning their division last year (even though they tried to tank out). Miami is no easy loss, though, and the Cheeps will have to come out with their patented zero tolerance offense...the one that does nothing and does it professionally. Edge to Lose: Chiefs
Tampa Bay at Atlanta: Tonight! The battle of Florida! Sorry Miami. Just because the Falcons won a game doesn't mean they are all better now. They beat the Saints, and the Saints don't have a defense yet. They've scheduled them to show up later in the season. But that's okay because Tampa has no timetable for the arrival of their offense. If the Boots can Boot this one, put them on the inside track for the NFC lead. Edge to Lose: BUCS
Indianapolis at Jacksonville: Pinch yourself, Gags fans, this is a game between TWO winless teams, our first winless game that has some weight. Doormat Heaven. Lose this one and you are staring up from the Basement, no doubt about it. But the Gags own the basement, have decorated it for years, and really are kinda comfortable and don't want to go out much any more. The Colts, if they can actually lose this unlikely pairing, will feel like they are at the bottom of the ocean. Gags will cough up a ton of points to Andrew Luck. The Gags are not going to miss this opportunity to pad their stats. Edge to lose: Jaguars
Oakland at New England: The Pats may, in fact, not be the team they once were, but the Raiders aren't suffering from this problem. They haven't won an east coast game in 14 tries. I don't have to explain these guys. Al, your son is a terrible owner. The Silver and Blacked Out march on. Edge to lose: Raiders by a mile.
Green Bay at Detroit: Come on, Kittens!! Here's a chance to show that the Kat Box is still the stinking stink hole it's been for years, except for one aberration season. Lose this one, and empty lots all over Detroit will heave up decaying Lion pennants and posters with one voice. But you know what? I don't think so. Edge to Lose: Packers (yes that's what I said)
Baltimore at Cleveland: How good are the Browns? Don't ask that! Ask HOW BAD ARE THE RAVENS?? The AFC North could be the worst division in the NFL (although the NFC South gets upset every time it hears that), and this game will go a long way to establishing just who gets to come into the Basement and sit on the orange couch. I think it's orange. Mold is orange sometimes, isn't it? Excitement in Cleveland. Please someone bring them down slowly. Ravens defense (still pretty scary) snuffs out the Blank Helmets. Edge to lose: BROWNIES
Houston at NY Giants: The Toxins are 2-0!! And here comes what might be the worst team in the NFC! Good Heavens!! If the Gnats can blow this one, they'll be in the juicy 0-3 hole that coach Tom Coughlin seems to be hectoring his team into. But Eli Manning can't be bad every game...can he? Toxins come back to earth. EDGE TO LOSE: TEXANS
Minnesota at New Orleans: Somebody has to win. Vikings inexplicably re-instate Adrian Petersen, clouding their chances to march to defeat with confidence. They'll muddle through. EDGE to LOSE: VIKINGS
DOORMAT DIVISION STANDINGS WEEK 2
NFC W-L PF PA
NY Giants 0-2 28 60
Tampa Bay 0-2 31 39
New Orleans 0-2 58 63
St. Louis 1-1 25 51
Washington 1-1 47 27
Dallas 1-1 43 38
Detroit 1-1 42 38
AFC
Jacksonville 0-2 27 75
Kansas City 0-2 27 50
Indianapolis 0-2 51 61
Oakland 0-2 27 49
Pittsburgh 1-1 36 53
Cleveland 1-1 53 54
Miami 1-1 43 49
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