I just woke up in the dark with a snowstorm on the TV 'cause the Doormat Cave doesn't get the NFL Network. Schaefer bottles litter the floor and crumbles of chips and popcorn are now the carpet. Wow, what a hangover. But also, what a night. The doormat of doormats, the perennial blank helmet football wonders, are 6-3. Pinch me, Marny, 6-3! And they were in a game that should have been a doormat classic--Bungles and Brownies. Thankfully, the Bungles oblidged and put in a terrific doormat performance complete with three turnovers in their own red zone. Man, it doesn't get much better. So the Brownies are kings of Ohio, only 2 games away from official non-doormat status, and every team in the AFC North is above .500.
let's look ahead to the weekend so I can think about losing this hangover--hey, someone pop a Schaefer and honk it over here--and spin the turkey for this week's predictions:
Chiefs-
Bills-
Whoah, wait a minute, they aren't doormats. What the heck?
Cowboys- 17
Jaguars- 21
(Another Doormat beauty in the London fog)
Titans- 7
Ravens-35
Steelers- 50
Jets- 3
Broncos- 50
Raiders- 3
Rams- 17
Cardinals- 28
Panthers (welcome back to the basement Cam) 16
Eagles- 28
Falcons- 14
Buccaneers- 10
Giants- 18
Seattle- 10
Chicago- 28
Green Bay- 36
Gentlemen, make your predictions!
Bungles now 18-41 in Prime Time games ALL-TIME. Coach Marvin Lewis said "For whatever reason, the two times (in prime time) this year we didn't play well. Because we were at home, there was an energy and excitement instead of being steely eyed and focusing on what we have to do."
ReplyDeleteThat's right, coach Lewis is blaming the energy and excitement for playing poorly. Don't worry, coach, that'll all change REAL SOON.
Browns finally win a divisional game on the road...it had only been 17 in a row, so no big deal.
Now that you mention it, every crucial game I ever saw them play they lost, including 2 Super Bowls. Yeah, I think I will tell my boss the next time one of my projects goes off the rails it's because I was just so thrilled to be working on it.
DeleteFALCONS at BUCS
ReplyDeleteBattle for Doormat NFC bragging rights. Whoever loses this one is in the driver's seat. Falcons will have to really really really bring it. QB Josh McCown is back under rump for the Boots, after breaking his thumb in week 3. His last game? Falcons pummeled the Bucs 56-14. That was an eon ago for the Falcons, who haven't won SINCE.
Edge to lose, but by the slimmest of fumbles in the endzone:
BOOTINEERS
GIANTS at SEATTLE
I have no idea which Seattle team will show up. Oh, wait, there's only one? Edge to Lose: GIANTS
BEARS at PACKERS
Bears can blow it anytime. This is a really good time.
Edge to Lose: DA BARES
COWBOYS vs. JAGS
in London! Is this it? Jags figure out they're moving to London? No Romo. Jags may be forced to win.
Edge to lose: Cowboys.
TITANS at RAVENS
Titans have had two weeks to get ready for this beat-down.
edge to lose- TITANICS
STEELERS at JETS
Steelers horribly inflated. Jets pop balloon, but do nothing with it. Airplane paid to fly over Jets practice this week with banner urging GM be fired. The team is ON IT.
EDGE to LOSE: Jets.
BRONCOS at RAIDERS
oh dear. Peyton Manning not happy with last week.
Razor-sharp edge to lose: SILVER AND BLACKED OUT
RAMS at CARDINALS
The hard charging Rams go against the vaunted Cardinals in a clash of bitter NFC West divi- who am I kidding? The Rams partied this week and can't win two in a row. They'd lose cred in the basement.
Edge to Lose: RAMS
PANTHERS at EAGLES
Panthers on hot streak- 3 straight losses. Make it 4.
Edge to Lose: PANSIES
Yikes, Toxins and Natives all on vacation.
Bungles QB Andy Dalton went 10-33, 3 interceptions and 86 yards for a 2.0 rating. That's right - 2.0. Doormat All-Star Hall of Fame performance.
ReplyDeleteYep, that is one for the books. Dalton might be flipping burgers next year.
Delete3rd game in London this year. Has every game included the Gags ? wow, what a way to sell the NFL to the Brits !
ReplyDeleteCowpies could sweep the rest of the games without Romo, unfortunately the Gags stand in their way this week.
Even without Romo, it will be tough to lose to the Gags. Those Brits are going to get the wrong idea about football if they keep seeing Jacksonville all the time. Next year the London lineup is Miami Dolphins vs. New York Jets (arg, no the Nyets!), Buffalo Bills vs. Jacksonville Jaguars (whew, hold your nose), and Detroit Lions vs. Kansas City Chiefs (now that could be a lulu of a doormat or the game of the century).
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of the Nyets, I know they are not exactly always doormats, but when was the last time they were a serious Super Bowl contender, 1969?
I listened on the radio. One announcer was in disbelief, but the other one said Dalton is capable of having any kind of game any day and that is why the Bungles will never see the Super Bowl locker room while he is their QB. At least not as players.
ReplyDeleteI was about to say some of them could become security guards.
DeleteThe Jets were in the AFC Championship game in 2009 and 2010, just barely losing to the Steelers in 2010. This is why Ryan doesn't get fired. They were gritty, tough, and pulled out games they seemed to have no business winning. It finally caught up with Mark Sanchez, in particular.
ReplyDeleteDoh, forgot those two years. Wish it had been them and not the Steelers against the Cardinals. I hated that game! Kurt Warner and the Cardinals were really exciting that year. If they lost to the Jets it would have been better. They should have won that game. Man, all my tickedoffedness is surging back just thinkering about it.
DeleteRothlisberger etched his mug into your personal Ticked Off File. Warner had won the game. Cardinal defense gave it back.
ReplyDeleteGuess what? My new downstairs neighbor is a die-hard Bungles fan. She was just having her DirectTV dish installed today. She knew all the prime-time stats and all of it. ALL the history.
ReplyDelete