Ever since the Raiders lost to Jon Gruden and the Bucs in the Super Bowl 11 years ago, they've been the worst team in the NFL. It's called the Curse of Chucky. Gruden was fired as Raiders coach the previous year, the Bucs were calling out the Raiders plays before they ran them, and the Karma was a bitch. Nothing less than a Doormat Bowl with attendant voodoo is going to change anything.
THE STANDINGS
DOORMAT DIVISION
NFC W-L PF PA DIFF
Tampa Bay 2-8 194 279 -85
NY Giants 3-7 205 263 -58
Washington 3-7 204 256 -52
Carolina 3-7-1 215 300 -85
Minnesota 4-6 181 220 -39
AFC
Oakland 0-10 152 265 - 113
Jacksonville 1-9 158 282 -110
NY Jets 2-8 174 265 -91
Tennessee 2-8 168 250 -82
Buffalo 5-5 200 204 -4
THE GAMES
KC at RAIDERS
Believe it or donut, this is the Raider's most dangerous game, wherein they could end up with a victory. The Chiefs just won an emotional game vs. the Seahags, it's a short week, and next week they've got Denver.
This game is it. The team, as bad as they are, are playing hard. KC-RAIDER games never have any relation to the standings, even if the current players could care less about the long-storied violent rivalry. The fans care, and The Black Hole, a night game at Oakland Coliseum, will be rocking. Turn up Al Davis' eternal flame to high, oh Silver and Blacked Out, your fearless leader is watching from the crypt at the Chapel of the Chimes (an extremely interesting place in Oakland, CA).
EDGE TO LOSE: CHIEFS!!!
BUCCANEERS at BEARS
Rainy and about 50º is the game-time weather prediction, so it won't be the meat locker we were hoping for, but the Bucs will still lose this game. Both teams just won a game, so the violent struggle to be worse than the opponent will be spectacular. Bucs far more experienced at not having winning streaks.
EDGE TO LOSE: BUCS
TITANS at EAGLES
Philly needs to get well on somebody, and the Titanics are in town. That's convenient.
EDGE TO LOSE: TITANS
BROWNS at FALCONS
Tough call. Browns looked so truly back to the Basement last week, that it's hard to deny them another loss. Falcons have a real quarterback...they just don't have anything else. Atlanta crowds really know how to bring the apathy.
EDGE TO LOSE: FALCONS
PACKERS at VIKINGS
The high TODAY will be 18º. Should be raining and about 39º at game time Sunday, so not the freezer bowl we hoped for. This will make it really rain footballs. If the Packers don't win by 30 points, they will win by 40.
EDGE TO LOSE: VIKINGS
JETS at BUFFALO
Can they find the stadium? Is there a city under all that snow?
EDGE TO LOSE: JETS
RAMS at CHARGERS
Uh-oh. Chargers gave up playing serious football weeks ago. The Rams are in real danger of winning two in a row. So far, they have followed up every big upset with a stinker. Not this time. They're losing touch with the Basement.
EDGE TO LOSE: CHARGERS
JAGUARS at COLTS
It's trounce or be trounced for Indy. The last four weeks, with alternating Wins and losses: 27-0, 51-34, 40-24, 42-20. The Gags trot out the interception leader, Blake Bortles, and that's the deal breaker. Indy gets to do the trouncing.
EDGE to LOSE: JAGUARS
SUNBURNS vs 49ers
The 49ers keep trying to help teams lose. This time they get it right. The Redskins employ some wild blitzing schemes, and generally the 49ers front 4 can't even stop a 3-man pass rush. Give the Skins a pick-six and see what happens.
EDGE TO LOSE: 49ers.
enjoy your weekend with a shovel up in the Northeast. The rest of us here in Oakland have to build the Chucky Burning Man Effigy tower. Al Davis' eternal flame will light it. See you tonight in the Black Hole.
Jets and Bills game moved to Monday night in New Jersey where the Giants, in all the confusion, take the field with Manning throwing a pic six to the Jets and then to the Bills. In the end, all three teams get a loss.
ReplyDeletethat's funny!
Deletea double Monday night bill!
ReplyDeletegot to disagree with you on the Sunburned team vs 0-for-9ers !! this game will be totally unwatchable. (could be blacked out locally, is it sold out yet?) lots of turnovers but not too many punts. crowd noise and fan interest minimal, many empty seats... RGIII on bench for 2nd half. final score 17-10. BORING home team uninspired victory.
ReplyDeleteI feel Bucs at Bears will be exciting as will Lams at chargers. both these games offer up ineptitude coupled with DESIRE ! Desire to make the fatal mistake that loses the game at the proper moment.
on a more somber note, you can forget the pats vs lions - should be over by early 3rd quarter as Pats follow familiar formula ground game with precision passes by Brady and take opening kick off of the 2nd half into the end zone for a 2 TD lead and the its "cruise control" til the end. Lions lead the league in Yards per Game given up.
So they gave away tickets in Detroit for the Biffs vs. Nyets game on Monday, and then the poor bastards that took can't even scalp them...
ReplyDeletehttp://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/11927077/new-york-jets-buffalo-bills-tickets-prohibited-sales-online-vendors
Did I say just say 'Scalp'. That is kind of a racist way of saying selling for a profit, is it not?