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| TOXINS/TITANICS: GAME OF THE WEEK! |
It's week 8 in the NFL. Usually an exciting, pivotal mid-season week, and there should be no disappointment this year. There are at least 8 teams that are teetering at the "back of the stove" and could roll off into that dark, cobwebby area between the wall and the oven where they will get lost for the season, mired in a puddle of black, viscous, charred pig fat left over from a distant summer dinner of pork chops and sauerkraut. It looks like it might get pretty crowded back there this year.
And with no further mention of old meat, here are the predictions for Week 8.
Lions- 7
Chiefs- 17
Chiefs finally get a win as the lions take a swan dive off the rear burner. Too hot in the kitchen for the kittens. Chiefs faithful get a glimmer of hope. But that's it.
Buccaneers- 7
Falcons- 42
Blowout of both rear tires sinks Buc's pirate ship. Arrr, matey, there might be dubloons and cold pizza in Davey Jones' locker, but there be nothin' but eviction notices in the Buc locker room.
Cardinals- 28
Browns- 13
Johnny Football was caught drunk again this week, but the police said no harm no foul. But things are really starting to smell foul in blank helmet land.
49ers- 28
Rams- 26
What? SF wins a game? Rams still know how to lose.
Giants- 24
Saints- 27
Not really a doormat game, but both of these teams are seriously under performing, but every one of their games is exciting. This is probably going to be great football. Thanks Drew and Eli!
Vikings- 32
Bears- 10
Yikes are starting to get some mojo this year. Bears are getting their asses handed to them.
Chargers- 17
Ravens- 14
The agony continues. It's funny, the Ravens have been winning close games like crazy for the last 5 years, including their amazing Super Bowl run. I guess the odds have caught up with them. If they are smart, they bench everyone who can play, go 1-15 and get the first round next year. Right now, it's just ground round for them.
Titans- 10
Texans- 14
Worst game of the week. Toxins find a team they can beat. Titans outmaneuver them and give up a pic-6 with 20 seconds to go.
Seahawks- 17
Cowboys- 9
What the network execs thought would be a marquee game with lots of revenue when they scheduled it last year turns out to be the Golden Goose that laid a concrete egg. What a stinker of a game.
Colts- 8
Panthers- 40
See ya later Colts. Sorry about the mice behind the stove.
And so we will officially welcome some teams from the patio to the Doormat Basement this week: Indianapolis, Cowboys, and Ravens. They won't be here long, and no sitting on the orange Naugahyde couch, but we share American cheese melted on potato chips and a cold Lager with ya. Enjoy it while you're here, guys. You might even find out why the Doormat Division is the most interesting place to watch football.
And in closing, let's not forget to give a shout out to the Raydurz. They got some life this year, they even feel a little like the silver and black of old. Jets probably win, but this might be a great game. It's in the "Black Hole," so a must watch!
And that's it from the Oracle for this week. Gentlemen, make your predictions.
Oh, lord, great opening paragraph.
ReplyDeleteLions and Chiefs...stiff of the week.
Texans hosting the Titans. Texans hard pressed to lose this. Is Mariota back on the field, ready to be the human punching bag? Ken Whisenhunt skippers another shipwreck.
The Browns...only the Steelers stand between them and losing every single game left on the schedule.
Cowboys should handle the Seahawks, unless Seahawks completely shut it down on offense.
Vikings capable of blowing one. Get overconfident. Bears in trouble this weekend.
Raiders-Jets should be a gas. I'm going to miss that one, unfortunately. Yet another Sunday afternoon meeting of the Congealed Pig Fat Club.
a number of potential blowouts this week. But lucky for us we get the whiners vs Rams in bay area at 10am- won’t even have to leave the basement here, err I mean get out of bed in order to watch some of the best fumbling, punting, grunting and Kapersnunking of the week... cans of modelo are stocked and loaded in the absocold... The game in KC is starting half an hour early for some reason, but lions fans can always hope for a victory. We in the basement know better.
ReplyDeleteI don't see why the Rams can't just blow out the Whiners. They're averaging a little over 3 sacs a game, which means they should get 6 on Sunday.
DeleteYou are probably right, but my gut feeling is this is the moment for the Rams to stub their toe on a subsurface rock in the Zig Zag river.
DeleteWell said Elvis. The Doormat Division will be on every TV in the Bay Area. A great day in the Doormat cave. "Kapersnunking" a great new word!
DeleteTexans just released QB Ryan Mallet, who was the starting QB in training camp. He was late to just about everything, and, finally did a double whammy, showing up late to the team meeting (he was sent home) and then missing the flight to Miami the same day. Hoyer's been the starter for weeks, now, but still. Mallet was supposed to be a franchise QB. They were high on him. Somebody's high, that's for sure.
ReplyDelete"Somebody's high..." No kidding. Said his alarm did not go off. If you were making that kind of money you could pay someone to come and wake you up every morning. At least spend $300 on the best alarm clock on earth.
DeleteGood call on most of the games this week. You bat a pretty dang good percentage.
ReplyDeleteyou were dreaming on the Rams-Niners game. If you were down here, you would have been SURE the Niners would get stuffed. The Rams have a defense, and I'm sure they wanted to shut out the O-fers.
ReplyDelete