WEEK EIGHT WRAP-UP and LOWER INTO THE THAMES!!

Back On Top Like they Never Left!  

The Basement is full of mangy, torn-up, tattered cats today, as the Detroit Felines have unchallenged supremacy of the Doormat.  We can't do anything about this, except put out bowls of Kitty Krak Kibble, and wait for a challenger to unseat them.  Fat chance!  
Elsewhere, the San Diego Cringers (I'm searching for a name here) are suddenly contenders, the Titanics look unstoppable, and the 49ers may be Detroit's only obstacle to Moldy Carpet Glory.  

Kitty Krak Kibble, and I don't care, Kitty Krak Kibble and I don't care....

DOORMAT DIVISION STANDINGS

NFC

                  W-L          PF-PA

Kittens        1-7           125 - 149

Whiners      2-6           109 - 207  (almost 100 point diffo)
daBares       2-5           140 - 202

Bootineers   3-4           163 - 199

Deadskins   3-4           148 – 168

AFC

                  W-L           PF-PA

Titanics      1-6            125 - 159

Chargers     2-6           191 - 227
Cravens      2-5            190 - 214

Gaguars      2-5            147 - 207

Toxins        3-5            174 - 205 

THE GAMES

Blowouts of the Week

LIONS 10, CHIEFS 45

The Kitten defense turns back the clock in London for Chiefs QB Alex Smith, WAY MORE THAN AN HOUR, and I could've sworn it was Utah blowing out Wyoming in 2004.  The dude rushed for 78 yards, and probably could've gotten 50 more. He looked fast. Somebody is SLOW.  The team that can't score in the Red Zone had NO problem against the Kitties.  On the other side of the stench, the Lions offensive line lies down like 11 fat cats stretched out in a sunbeam on the carpet at that cat lady's house down the street and QB Matt "Punching Bag" Stafford hits the "dirt" 6 more times- he's well on his way to never being the same again.  Lions only real threat here are the Forty-Whiners, who, by God, are right on the Kittens fuzzy little tails.  

NINERS 6,  RAMS 27

How you call this a blowout and yet have 18 punts, I'm not sure, but any game with the Niners is a blowout, even if the score is 14-3.  I'm sure the Rams were aiming to pitch a shutout here, so they're probably chewing each other out today in the meeting room.  How the Niners even get a field goal these days is beyond me (ed: they are burdened with a great kicker).  This team is a serious challenge to the beloved Lions.  11 first downs! 189 total yards! 10 punts!  3-17 on third down.  How do you even DO that?  It helps that the Rams punted 8 times themselves, so the Whiners got plenty of opportunity to display just how hapless, and how hard they've worked on this, they are.  Gold Stars all around for the Bumblers by the Bay.

CAN YOU FEEL IT BUILDING??

KITTENS vs. WHINERS

DEC. 27TH AT THE KAT BOXX!!!!

Be there.  Or be someplace else.  

CLOSE SHAVING!!

Four games were decided at the last second yesterday, the Doormat was there for most of it-

BEARS 20, VIKINGS 23

What do you do when you are up by 10 points, at home, with 4:55 left in the game?  You find a way.  As they say in Detroit "there's still time to lose."  And daBares direct some superb Prevent-the-win defense, given up an immediate 40-yard touchdown, go 3-and-out, give up another long pass, and cap it with a 36-yard field goal from the Vikes with 00:00 on the clock. Even the Lions beat this team.  You know?  Good luck losing to daBares.  2-5 and headed for 10 losses, NO PROBLEM.

CHARGERS 26, RAVENS 29  (OT)

Lose big, lose small, what's the difference?  After getting blown out by Oakland last week, the Bolts (Blots?) lose this one in overtime to the team that loves to lose the close ones. Shrugging off the chance to beat a team looking for a loss, the Chargettes (Cringers? help me out, here) are now 2-6 and in the thick of the AFC race.  They were 2-2 at one point and looking dangerous.  They're dangerous all right- to themselves.  Flame On!! FLAME OUT!!!

BUCS 23, FALCONS 20 (OT)

Don't look now- well, maybe you should- the Bootineers are 3-4 and clearly toying with Parity Division status.  Winning on a field goal in OT- but not the last play of the game- the Bucs tried mightily to blow another big lead (17), but the Falcons were just too much, with 4 turnovers and 11 penalties for 124 yards.  Kill that offense.  Kill it.  

BROWNS 20,  CARDINALS 34

The Blank Helmets were up 20-7 in the first half, with the Cardinals fumble onslaught (3 of them) placing the Brownies in a difficult scenario- a big lead. But that's what first halves are for- false hope. And that's good enough for Cleveland!  Half-time! Everybody go home! Do not turn on your radios. 

Do not look at your smartphone.  It'll spoil your drive home.

TITANS 6, TEXANS 20

Let's face it.  If you can't keep your point total under 6, you won't lose to the Titanics.  Titanics Coach Ken "Whiz-bang" Whisenhunt still has his job.  Coincidence, or Moldy Carpet PLOT?

COWBOYS 12, SEAHAGS 13

The Seahags may be struggling, but the Cowboys have your number.  QB Matt Cassel is in charge- 'nuff said.  5 straight losses since Tony Romo went out, and 4 more weeks to go.  It's getting darker earlier in Dallas, like at 9am.   

EXITING THE BASEMENT

Adios, Bro-Cha-Chos?

RRRRRRRAIDERS!!

Standing this morning at 4-3, the Oakland Raiders have gone over .500 for the first time since Quincy Jones was President.  I really can't even remember and why bother to look it up?  The Worst Team of the Decade looks like they won't be coming back this year.  It could still happen, you never know.  But two games in a row where they scored at will and didn't stop until they had over 30 points, and you think maybe this is different. They sure are having fun. We have to celebrate our miserable teams when they finally get the hell out of this pile of cheap beer and burnt coffee and duct tape and dial-up modems.  Good Luck, old friend.  You still have the best uniforms in the biz.  Which is, I guess, why you never ever change them even slightly.

aaaaAAAAAAND THAT'S THE VIEW FROM THE BASEMENT!!!