WEEK 2 PROGNOSTICATIONS AND 16-PUNT NIGHT

BENGALS 9,  TEXANS 13

We had our first 1 Touchdown game, and now the Doormat Season is officially under way. There were so many punts (16), ESPN used every advertisement they had, and almost had to start running those ads selling Mac and Cheese on the premise that terrorism and global warming means that it's time to stock the bunker.

The Cincinnati Bungles took a look at last week's stats, where the Texan's Deshaun Watson got turfed 10 times, and decided not to blitz. Keeping their sacks down to a manageable 3, the Bungles minimized creating turnovers and field position (as if that mattered to the Bungles offense). Shrewd ploy.  It sure helped get Watson off to the races for the only TD of the game, a 49-yard scamper.

 Andy Dalton and his band of Bungles kept their business between the 30 yard lines, slowly raising the tone and tenor of the famous Cincinnati boo birds, and took the loss like pros.  Just how pro?  The last time a team didn't score a touchdown in their first two home games was the 1939 Eagles. That's back before color was invented.

WEEK 2 PROGNOSTICATIONS 

AND FROZEN TURKEY SPIN

JETS (+13) @ RAIDERS

Me, 'Fish and Doormat Commish DT will be attending this game, to get a good look at this year's potential champion- the Jets, of course- and to pick up our  I SURVIVED A RAIDER GAME t-shirts.  The Jets should have no trouble handling the Raiders in this 'game.'  The Jets are on a mission from God, and they've brought their mission to the Swashbuckling Baseball field* of Eternal Halloween.  Raise the Skull and Crossbones, matey, another one walks the plank.   * (yes, the Oakland A's still have their field up.  It's like being in another era out there) 

SEAHAGS @ WHINERS (+14)

Seattle may look pretty shaky, but they have no chance at losing this game.  

Let's see how hard they try. 49ers have lost 7 straight to the Hawks, and it all started with the 2013 NFC Championship game. Whiners don't have enough players left on the team to remember that the Hags are a hated rival, who once ate turkey dinner on their 50-yard line. Another sunny day at Broiled Fans Field.  Best chance to lose: WHINERS  

CARDINALS @ COLTS (+7)

Will Jacoby Brisset or Scott Tolzein start at QB for the Colts? How ever will the Cardinals prepare if they don't know??  I think this may be a game that, no matter how parity-challenged the Cards have become, 'prep' may be overrated. Best chance to lose: COLTS

BROWNS (+8)  @ ORIGINAL BROWNS

This game could be trouble for the Brownies. I envision the Ravens (original Browns) attempting another shutout, and keeping Joe Flacco down to 15 pass attempts. The Brown-outs will find themselves already hoping their rookie QB, Mr. Kizer, will pull a couple miracle plays. After all, his first name is almost spelled like Deshaun Watson's, so, hey.  Best chance to lose: BROWNS

TITANS @ JAGUARS (+1)

Suddenly the Jags are so good, they're almost favorites to win at home. Can the Jags keep the wheels on the bandwagon two weeks in a row? Last year, they needed the bye week in between their only 2 game winning streak of the season. Best chance to lose: JAGS

DOLPHINS (+3.5)  @ LA CHARGERS

The Chargers home field is a flipping soccer stadium out in Carson, so one would hope that this will be a kicking game feature event.  That should help whip up interest in L.A., where there is just nothing to do almost ever. The Floppers will be playing their first game, so who knows what their Doormat chances are.  Best chance to lose: FINS  ....barely

WASHINGTON (+2.5) @ LA RAMS

Last year, the Rams were 3-1 early in the season. Then they lost every single game, except the impossible-to-beat Jets game.  Let's not get tooo excited tooo sooon, you people that like winning.  However, we're hoping for a wild, sling-it out there what-have-we-got-to-lose kind of game. Not a time for being conservative.  Let it fly in the SoCal air.

Best chance to lose:  DEADSKINS

BEARS (+7) @ BUCCANEERS 

Bears didn't look bad enough last week.  Maybe they'll step it up this week.  It's up to the Bucs. 

Bucs finally get to play a game.  Will be way more than ready.

Best chance to lose:  BEARS

aaaAAAAnd that's the View from the Basement!!!!