THE NON-ORACLE SPEAKS - NFL PREDICTIONS WEEK 15

THE ORACLE HATH...HATH...my tongue ith thwollen

Well, the Oracle got so many right last week that he went on a 3-day bender, disappeared for the next 2, and was finally located at a truck stop outside Winnemucca.  He was quietly having two eggs, over-easy, with bacon and Hash Browns, when a disheveled waitress came in from the back and gave him some pants to put on.  There was a bit of a hubbub, but everything worked out OK and somebody gave us a call. The Commish got him a ticket on the next Greyhound back in this direction.

He'll be fine, but, while he's en route, we're gonna have to CALL THE SHOTS ourselves, no catapult, spinning or other devices to help us with predictions.  Here goes:

There is not a single Bottomfeeder vs. Bottomfeeder game this week.  !!

BEARS @ LIONS (-5.5)
The Bears won 33-7, against the dismantled Bengals last week, and that's as far as this train ride is going. A glaring gaudy 4-9 record makes it impossible for the Bears to do anything except nail down the 10th loss, and what better place to do it but at the Kat Box. Lions cover the spread.  LIONS

TITANS @ 49ERS (+2)
When is an 8-5 team only a 2-point favorite over a 3-10 team? When you're the Titans. Good Lord, if the fading 49ers (3-10) win this one, that would be 3 in a row, and 3 of 4.  They coulda been a contender. The Titans, though 8-5, have exactly one good team they've beaten: the Seahawks, and that was back in Week 3 when the Hags stank. The rest- phaugh.

But!  Should the Red and Gold somehow pull off this one, too, that would be an bonafide 3up-3down upset (3 games over .500 vs. 3 games under .500).  I'd say this is the softest 8-5 team you could fish out of the barrel, but HEY.  49ers beat spread. What the heck-  49ers win.  Upset of the week. NINERS

BENGALS @ VIKINGS (-12)
Let's face it- that Steelers game two weeks ago was it.  Now it's just about getting 10 losses and forgetting about everything else.  Bengals get #9.  Bengals will, however, beat the spread. VIKES

EAGLES @ GIANTS (+7.5)
Well, having Nick Foles at QB makes this slightly more of a game.  But, the Giants are not going to screw up and beat a division opponent this year.  They're running the table. Eagles cover spread. EAGLES.

MIAMI @ BUFFALO (-3)
This is the Parity Battle of the week, Miami (6-7) and Buffalo (7-6) and...it's snowing in Buffalo today.  Hmm-hmm hmm.  These two teams will be trying to kill each other. But, the Fins have won two straight, they are reaching the limit of their focus, and Cutler's aging decrepit carcass will seize up in the Fridge by the Lake, and it'll be no place for a hairless mammal to be out of water.  Spread holds. BILLS

TEXANS @ JAGUARS (-12)
Texans looked like Doormat pros last week against the 49ers, and maybe the Jags will just run over them for something to do. But this IS a divisional last gasp, and that spread looks a little gaudy.  Jags win, Texans beat the spread.  JAGS.

RAVENS @ BROWNS (+7)
You never know with the Raven-Poes.  It's like the Pit and the Pendulum.  Well, just Never Bet the Devil Your Head, if you know what I mean.  Ravens cover spread, cover Browns, and Browns fans run for cover.  Stay in the parking lot! The chili is good!  RAVENS

CARDINALS @ WASHINGTON (-4)
If the 5-8 Washingtons want to have any hope of finishing with 10 losses, they have to blow this one, because the next two games are the Broncos and the Giants, and that's a tall order to lose both of those. Final game of the season vs. Giants?  Good luck losing that one.  Says here Skinks get 'er done.  The Blaine Gabbert renaissance continues for the Cards. cough. CARDS

JETS @ SAINTS (-16)
BLOWOUT OF THE WEEK.  With Jet's QB Josh McCown out with an owie, and hey when your OC admits to having given up on the team during the last game, I mean...guys, let's lose big big big. Lose one for the coach!  It'll have his name written all over it.  
Saints cover spread.   SAINTS

COWBOYS @ RAIDERS (+3)
Seems like a very long time ago the Raiders clobbered the Jets 45-21, back in week 2.  Raiders have to lose all 3 remaining games to make it to 10 losses and erase all the good vibes from last season.  This is the tough one.  Next week is the Eagles and the last week is the Chargers, who I think will pummel a Raiders team that will have already got their tee times lined up before that one.  So- can they blow this one?  The non-Oracle says YES.   COWBOYS

The Non-Oracle has Spoken!!

aaaAAAAAAAnd That's the VIEW FROM THE BASEMENT!!!!