Quick stat: who has the longest Super Bowl droughts?
(This list includes all teams who have never had an appearance.)
TEAM | LAST APP. | YRS.
Detroit Lions, NEVER, 51
Cleveland Browns, NEVER, 48 (Why not 51? There were no Browns for a spell.)
New York Jets, 1968, 48
Kansas City Chiefs, 1969, 47
Minnesota Vikings, 1976, 40
Miami Dolphins, 1984, 32
Cincinnati Bengals, 1988, 28
Washington Redskins, 1991, 25
Buffalo Bills, 1993, 23
Jacksonville Jaguars, NEVER, 22
San Diego Chargers, 1994, 22
Dallas Cowboys, 1995, 21
Tennessee Titans, 1999, 17
Houston Texans, NEVER, 15
Los Angeles Rams, 2002, 15
Oakland Raiders, 2002, 14
Tampa Bay Buccaneers, 2002, 14
That's a pretty elite list there! Any teams with over 40 years absenteeism are to be admired here in the cave. A permanent space for them at the bar and the Hibachi. Interesting that the two teams in the 2002 Super Bowl have not made it back. There must be a 2002 jinx.
But now (drum roll please) the Oracle predicts who will be in the Doormat Bowl in February during Carnaval at the Raiders home stadium in beautiful Mexico City: Gnats vs. Brownies!
As the season staggers to its demise, the Doormat Bowl is all but set in stone. The Whiners, once the team that was a guaranteed victory for their opponents, have gone completely off the reservation with Jimmy Garrapozilla chucking the football and they are riding high on the crest of an amazing three-game winning streak. What does this mean for the NFC? Well, the Giants are 2-12 while Chicago and San Francisco are both 4-8. Buuuuuuut, even if the Gnats win out and they all finish 4-12, they will still lose the Conference because they lost to the Whiners and the Whiners beat the Bears. And of course the Brownies can't be stopped even if they lose out. They are an "L" machine. It will be the Gnats and the Brownies in Doormat Bowl 2018. I don't think the Gnats have a prayer. This could be real history, 0-16 and three Doormat Bowl losses (victories?) in a row for the Blank Helmet Crew. The Patriots of the basement!
But there are still some really bad games to see, and as we all know, "Watching the Worst is the Best!" So here are the predictions for Week 16 in the NFL. Fire up the frozen turkey catapult!
Colts- 8
Ravens- 42
(Colts call for a farrier but new shoes don't help.)
Buccaneers- 21
Panthers- 33
(Exhausted from having to out-lose the Failcons, the team that won a Super Bowl 14 years ago and then hung up the spikes is out of gas for the hungry Panthers.)
Browns- 36
Bears- 38
(Game of the week as promised by the Commish! Desperate to win at least one game this year, the Blank Helmets bring the kitchen sink and 42 gallons of 5-Hour Energy, but it is not enough. Chicago fans go home disgusted as Bears blow anychance to be in the Doormat Bowl.
Lions- 28
Bengals- 17
(Lions can lose anywhere, anytime, a Doormat to truly be feared, but the Bengals will be too much for them this week.)
Chargers- 21
Jets- 18
(Jets hang around all game again and come up empty....again.)
Broncos- 21
Redskins- 24
(The other "Game off the Week." Broncos have won two whole games (gee) and looked pretty good doing it. Are they a doormat or not? Redskins put up lots of good stats, but the points never add up. A true stealth doormat. This game is very hard to call. Thank goodness I have a frozen turkey and a catapult.)
Jaguars- 52
Whiners- 38
(Jags are firing on all cylinders and feeling like a real playoff team, but Niners have new life thanks to a handsome quarterback and a defensive coach that is on fire. Whiners score big, but lose big.)
Giants- 12
Cardinals- 16
(Wow, if Giants could win a game, this would be it. But they have played better against good teams than bad teams this year. Edge to the Cardinals.)
Steelers- 48
Texans- 2
(Good grief, the Toxins have put in a stellar doormat performance this season and we all missed it. Hats off to you, fellers!)
Raiders- 10
Eagles- 56
(Bye-bye Raydurz. Maybe next year, but probably next decade.)
The Oracle has spoken!
The Oracle has spoken!
I dunno about the Cards. They have Blaine Gabbert, who has put a stop to that touchdown thing in Arizona.
ReplyDeleteWhiners may just get run over by the Jags. I can't see them winning that one. Inclined to agree about Jets, though Chargers are not yet out of it, but it's pretty close...Chargers won't mail it in just yet. The Bengals may be the worst team in the league right now. Except for the Browns, who own the league.
I agree it will be a real challenge for Giants to lose to the Cards. We will see. Jags running game might just flatten the Niners.
DeleteBTW, if anyone is wondering why the Browns only have 48 years without a Super Bowl appearance even though they have never been to one and the SB is 51 years old...well...the Browns were out of the league for a few years. They abandoned Cleveland and went to Baltimore to become the Poes, and then three years later they were resurrected. That is why they are the Walking Dead NFL Team.
ReplyDeletethe team with no real history, going door to door, asking for a logo, anything, to press into their palm. And then stick it on the stupid helmet.
Deletewalking dead team, the Browns, because the actual browns are in Baltimore because they lost their team to Indianapolis which is kind of like the Rams being in St Louis, because they lost their Cardinals to Glendale, but the Rams are back in LA because the Raiders didn’t stay there for very long and the Toxins are the undead version of the Oilers who happened to move to nashville .... ugh never mind its utterly ridiculous how the NFL operates, to the extent that we have undead franchises !!
ReplyDeleteonly the Zombie Jesus can help them now
Delete4 unded teams look for a playoff.
Delete