DOORMAT DIVISION WEEK 2 WRAP-UP AND DISPOSAL

DOORMAT DIVISION WEEK 2
Playing by the Cardinal Rules!!

Another week of bumbling football is in the books, Doormat Denizens, and some clarity has been achieved.  Our two favorites for NFC and AFC champs, after only two weeks, are: the Arizona Cardinals and the Biffalo Buffs! Both teams already have point differentials over -50, and we don't see why, in at least the case of the Cards, that they can't get to -100 by week 5. Both teams are Puntastic, and should have their defenses gassed by the middle of the 2nd quarter in most games.

Let's take a look at the standings:

DOORMAT DIVISION
WEEK 2 

NFC            W-L        PF       PA      DIFF

Arizona        0-2           6         58       -52
Detroit          0-2          44       78       -34
Giants          0-2           28       40       -12

Chicago        0-1          23       24        -1     

Seattle          0-1           24      27        -3

    

AFC            W-L        PF        PA      DIFF

Buffalo         0-2          23         78       -55

Oakland        0-2          32         53       -21
Houston        0-2          37        47       -10
Cleveland     0-1-1       39        42       -3
Pittsburgh     0-1-1       58        63       -5

The Bears and the Seahags face off tonight, so, barring a third tie in the season already, one of those teams will be saddled with a win.

THE GAMES

CARDINALS 0,  ANYBODY ELSE 34
Ok, so it was the Rams yesterday.  But you can throw anybody out on that field against the Crudinals, and they're going to look like Super Bowl contenders. 5 first downs and 137 total yards for the Cruds. 8 punts! And a defense that allowed 8-15 3rd down conversions for the Rams. Total team effort.

RrrrrrrAIDERS 19, BRONCOS 20
0-2 and looking like this year's FADERS, Oakland pulls off another face-plant, this time by getting the Broncos into position for the winning FG with loose change left on the clock.  If they can lose to the Dolphins next week, look out.

Fun fact: 88% of teams that lose their first two games do not make the playoffs.  Time to set new goals!

LIONS 27,  49ERS 30,
Looks like someone ran that stat by the Lions just a little too late yesterday.  The Kitties sport sabotage at almost every position, and their timing of various gaffes makes a Mission:Impossible script look plausible.  SF QB Jimmy Garoppolo tried to throw the game-killer pick-six (well, first down at the 6) late in the 4th, but the Lions delivered a pointless defensive hold to blot that baby out.

BILLS 20, CHARGERS 31
Not even the Chargers can do a collapse, or a tank, or a futile comeback against the formidable Nils.
0-2 and rolling.  Next shellacking @ Vikings.

BUCS 27,  EAGLES  21
Ryan Fitzpatrick (144.4 rating) and the Bucs are supposed to be 0-2 right about now.  OOPS!

BROWNIES 18,  SAINTS 21
Browns Kicker Zane "Waivers" Gonzalez missed two field goals (one at the very end for the tie) and two extra points.  Someone had to step up and plant a foot, or the Browns would have won this game.
Brownouts will have a new kicker by next week, so they'll have to find another way to lose against the Jets.  Do they serve "Underdogs" at the concessions in Cleveland?  Definitely comes with no mustard.

WASHINGTONS 9,  COLTS 21
Alex Smith or not, keep an eye on the Washingtons.  There's a lot of losing to do in this league, and someone has to be man enough to accept the challenge.

JETS 12,  DOLPHINS 20
Remember Ryan Tannehill?  The Jets sure remember him now.  Jets QB Sam Darnold comes down to earth with two INTs.  Jets fumbled 4 times, though losing only one.  Gotta work on that.  Fumble harder!  Dolphins 2-0 and early exiters from the Basement.  But...let's just wait and see.

PATS 20, JAGUARS 31
The Jags scoring 31 points is enough to get anybody concerned for their health.  If Tom Brady gets an owie and misses 5-6 games, the Pats could lose 10.

TEXANS 17, TITANS 20
How bad are the Texans?  Blaine Gabbert WON a game as Titans QB.   Texans defense figured he'd just FALL OVER on his own, that shoelaces thing, so they kept the QB hits down to a manageable 2.  Less bruises to treat after the game.  Get to your car quicker.

VIKINGS 29, PACKERS 29 (OT)
With TWO ties already in two weeks, this is looking like the Year of the Parity Division.  Look for 8-7-1 and 7-8-1 in your team's future.

GIANTS 13, COWBOYS 20
Giants 0-2 and huge game against the Texans next week.  We'll know what's what after those gridiron heroics.

SEAHAWKS AT BEARS
Bears are FAVORED to win this game, which is....uh....Seahags just might be elbowing their way into the basement REAL SOON.

aaaaAAAAAnd That's the View From the Basement!!!!!