JAGS MAKE THE "10 CLUB", TAKE OVER AFC DOORMAT LEAD! FALCONS FLYING SO LOW IT'S UNDERGROUND! COME-FROM-AHEAD LOSSES FOR EVERYBODY! RAIDERS ONLY DOORMAT TEAM TO WIN!
THE STANDINGS
DOORMAT DIVISION
NFC W-L PF PA DIFF
Tampa Bay 2-9 207 300 -93
NY Giants 3-8 233 294 -61
Washington 3-8 217 273 -56
Carolina 3-7-1 215 300 -85
Minnesota 4-7 202 244 -42
Atlanta 4-7 262 281 -19
AFC
Jacksonville 1-10 161 305 -144
Oakland 1-10 176 285 - 109
NY Jets 2-8 174 265 -91
Tennessee 2-9 192 293 -101
Houston 5-6 242 226 +16
QUICK HIT: With their improbable (but predicted by nearly everyone) victory last Thursday over the Kansas City Chiefs, the Oakland Raiders have lost out on the quest for a perfect season. The Detroit Lions remain the only team to go 0-16, and the Tampa Bay Bucs still the only team to lose 26 straight games. The Raiders did go 0-16, though it was over the course of 2 seasons. It had been just slightly over a year since the Silver and Blacked Out won a game. We here in the Basement watched the whole game, and nobody cheered louder for the beleaguered Raider franchise. Hurrah for the Bumbling Barons of the Basement!
TONIGHT's NFC SOUTH CRITICAL ENCOUNTER: Tonight the New Orleans Saints go for 4 straight losses at home (vs. Baltimore), and a share of the NFC South lead at the same time (with Atlanta at 4-7). If they reach the lofty 4-7, that leaves 5 games to go, and would have to win ALL FIVE to finish with a winning record. If the Saints can blow it at home, the odds of the entire division having losing records are very very good. The NFC Worst did it with Seattle and St. Louis 'winning' the division at 7-9 in 2010. This year's crop in the South could easily beat that at 6-8. History in the making, fans!
THE GAMES
JAGS 3, COLTS 23
Gaguars hold it to 11 first downs, loft 7 punts, INT leader Blake Bortles tosses an interception, and the defense wears down in the second half like it does every game, since the offense does nothing. It's an effective strategy, and the Gags are rewarded with FIRST PLACE in the Doormat AFC, unbelievably edging past the Silver and Blacked Out by the tie-breaker: point differential. In all their illustrious years in the Basement, the Jags have never won the Doormat, and have never started a season 1-10. Things are looking up. Down. Direction is irrelevant once you get comfortable in the naugahyde recliner in the Basement. Huge challenge next week against the New York Giants at home. HUGE.
JETS vs. BILLS in DETROIT
Setting up Doormat special at the Kat Box is really fitting, don't you think? Tickets are free!
After yesterday's Puss-and-Boot-it exhibition in New England, any football game that isn't the Lions may be just the thing. Jets need to lose to keep Raiders and Gags on the radar.
TITANS 24, EAGLES 43
The Titanics started taking on water on the kickoff- a 107-yard runback for an Eagles TD. Pow! They never looked back. The Titanics may be down to their 4th-string QB with Mettenberger, but the dude throws for 345 yards and piles up 46 yards in sacks, throws an INT, and still only gets 16 first downs. He's doing it all!
Titanics still a healthy 2-9 and hot on the Raiders and Jags tails.
FALCONS 24, BROWNS 26
The Falcons had won two in a row. Not a chance they can intended to keep that up. Not when they are at home and can deflate an entire stadium. Despite 3 interceptions from Cleveland's Brian Hoyer, it wasn't enough, as the Falcons blow another late lead and get the Browns set up for the game winning field goal as time expired. Failcons are still only 2 games out of first in the Doormat, and only a 1/2 game out of first in the NFC South. Living the hi-lo life!
GIANTS 28, COWBOYS 31
Giants outplay Cowboys, turn in most amazing catch of the season (Beckham's snag of Manning bomb for TD wow), and still lose, giving up the lead with just 1 minute to go. Whew that was close. Gnats only 1 game out of first in the Doormat NFC.
NATIVES 13, 49ers 17
The Santa Clara 49ers keep looking for somebody to lose to, and just can't hook up. A team that could easily be 4-7 instead of 7-4, the Niners will just have to wait for their defense to catch up in ineffectiveness. Perhaps next year. The Deadskins roll on to 3-8 and look like they'll never win another game. 49ers forced to play meaningful game on Thanksgiving vs. the Seahawks. The indignity.
VIKINGS 21 PACKERS 24
Scary-close game, Yikings nearly pull out victory, but craftily pass on last-minute on-side kick, even though they were kicking off from the 50-yard line (Packer Penalty on two-Point Pass). Packers hand off to Eddie Lacy, run out clock and Yikings yank the chance at victory out of their mitts and hand it to the Pack. Well done and may the roasting of coach Zimmer in Minnesota be set to "char."
BUCCANEERS 13, DA BARES 21
Up against a real test, the Bootineers are shoved into the lead at halftime by Da Bares, 10-0. How do you lose to a team that gets 12 first downs, punts 9 times, and amasses a whopping 204 yards of offense? You hand them the ball inside your own 20 multiple times, of course. 2 of the 3 comeback TD drives in the 3rd quarter for Da Bares were 1 play drives, which the Bears, always toying with Doormat excellence, could not overcome. They scored. The Boots add in fumbling the ball after a reception for what would have been 1st and goal and you can nail down the loss without any qualms of conscience. Nobody can say you didn't do your best.
LAMBS 24, CHARGERS 27
These two flailing fountains of failure hooked up for 6 turnovers, 17 penalties, two defensive TDs and probably a hilariously entertaining kind of game Doormats should deliver. Blame it on the shape of the ball. Lambs, as usual, return to losing after one of their giant-killer games.
Only 5 weeks to go, now, folks! It's anybody's cellar to claim!
aaaAAAAAAAnd That's the View from the Basement!!!
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