After spinning a frozen turkey on the Doormat basement floor for the last few years, it occurred to me that we should give a few away as a gesture of thanks to the NFL for providing us with the best in bad football. After all, bad football makes great spectacle, and what else is a spectator looking for? Even Dan Patrick, a Fox Sports NFL pundit, admitted that he watched the Buffalo/Jets game instead of the Baltimore/New Orleans game on Monday because: "It was so bad I couldn't stop watching. I wanted to see just how bad New York could get."
And so--a day late admittedly--we present the Doormat NFL Turkeys of the Year. Now, I am sure we have missed a few here, so please post your suggestions!
1. NFC South. Not much to say here as Wacko already nailed it in the post below: NFC South Replace Doormat Division, Basement Redecorated. This division is definitely the 43 pound turkey you can't fit in the oven. We thought 2010 was a milestone in NFL history with a losing team making the playoffs--Seattle Seahawks--but this year the NFC South has taken the game "Down a Notch," as we like to say around here. That's a compliment, by the way. Wait a sec, the coffee water is boiling.
OK, coffee in hand, here is the second Turkey award.
2. Johnnie Manziel. He may be the Golden Turkey that laid the Goose Egg. He hasn't taken a snap since week 3--and I think he has only had a dozen or so snaps all year--but he still insists on appearing in bad TV commercials, parading around with his own posse, and getting into scuffles in hotel lobbies at 2:30 a.m. the day of a game. But what does he care? He ain't gonna play anyway. He can take a nice nap on the bench. This guy has lots of tools--and I am not going to step into that joke zone--but none of the attitude. My guess is the Browns are already calling this draft choice a brown wedgie and looking for options to flush this guy out of the clubhouse.
3. Roger Goodell. Like a class-act doormat quarterback, Goodell missed at least three open men and chose to toss one into heavy coverage for a pick-6. Insisting they didn't see the tape--though the police say they offered it to the NFL--it finally turns up the day after the casino closes. Did a security person decide it was a well-deserved bonus if he sold it to TMZ? Great TV drama material here, but the reality is, Goodell botched this one and the NFL suffered.
4. RGIII. Or is it the Redskins management? You can't really blame RG for underperforming considering he really had a career-ending injury two years ago. Then they played him while injured because winning a playoff game was worth risking the career of possibly a hall of famer. Now the Skins management are suggesting RG doesn't work hard enough. Turkeys all around here, guys!
5. Drew Brees. Wow, he really looks bad--for Brees--most doormat QBs would be thrilled to have his 2014 stats. But to win your division, you gotta play at the elite level. Wait a minute. Saints are in the NFC South, where you can win playing at any level you choose. So.......if they can squeak in there, and if Brees gets his game on again, and the whole team gets a lift from that, we could see a 6-10 team in the NFC conference championship game. Hey, hope dies hard in the basement.
6. Adrian Petersen. It's all been said.
7. Doug Martin (Tampa Bay RB). After a almost 1,500 yard rookie season in 2012, Martin has underperformed, sinking this year to 193 yrds (2.8 per carry) in week 12.
There are plenty of other turkeys, more than the Salvation Army serves up on Thanksgiving. The 49ers come to mind, but let's give them two more games before sending them a turkey.
Let us know who you think deserves a Turkey Award this year.
well, Colin Kaepernick certainly saves his worst games for the Seahawks,and in that regard you could say last night was a thing of beauty. But it was not a surprise. The Niners have been looking for someone to lose to for a few weeks.
ReplyDeleteI nominate the 49er offense brain trust. Whatever threat Kaepernick poses to defenses, they've eliminated, and turned him into a mediocre drop-back QB. The O-line is pretty shredded, so you can't put it ALL on the coaching, but the 30 yard incomplete passes and flimsy running game (see Kaep again) are the work of Doormat employees.
ReplyDeleteRaider coaching staff for the last three years for not playing Marcel Reese as the starting running back. I don't care if he's a fullback. He's like The Bus, and every time he plays he runs straight ahead and piles up yardage. Then they bury him on the bench for 8 games or so. Instead, we get McFadden, who falls down if a defender makes a feint at him, and Jones-Drew, checking in with a gaudy 1.9 yards per run avg.
ReplyDeletei just read a typo in a Buffalo paper "narrowly blowing a game" when referring to Brian Hoyer. I'm gonna use that. it was supposed to say 'nearly blew the game'
ReplyDeleteLove the Buffalo quote!
ReplyDeleteI agree, the 49ers seem more like mismanagement than bad play. If they let Kaep play the way Carroll lets Russell play they would be winning more games. It is hard to be a pocket quarterback when there isn't one. Kaepernick is forced to lay in a foxhole.
I give a turkey to Panthers Offensive line. Cam Newton is one hit away from a career ending injury.
ReplyDeleteThat's why Cam throws some of those passes just a mile downfield- he's got no time to do anything else.
ReplyDelete