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| Cubs Win! Cubs Win! |
Ohhhh, my head. Where am I? Just a sec, I'll light a match and find the light switch. There we are. Wow, that's a shitload of empties. Nice job, gusy...guys? Hey, where is everybody?
The Cubs really did win. Last thing I remember is crackin' the 17th beer. What day is it anyway? Saturday? WTF? I was supposed to work on Wednesday...and Thursday....and Friday...hm, may not have to go to work anymore now. The whole city of Chicago may not be going to work anymore. I wonder if they will go the same way as those lovable Boston fans who were the darlings of 2004 after roaring to a World Series Win after a long, long, long drought. They aren't so lovable anymore. Arrogant sock-heads now. Can't stand 'em. Patriots don't help, either. At least the Celtics suck.
Saturday, eh? OK, let's check the paper...it's buried in the pizza boxes somewhere. Here it is. Who won Thursday Night Football? Ah, Bucs did it, lost 43-28 to the Falcons, who may be the worst good team in the NFL. Lots of mediocrity this year. What did Wacko say, half the NFL might be 4-4?
Now, just in time for predictions, the Oracle takes an empty bottle of Jim Beam, spins it on the beer-soaked basement floor, and prophecies:
Steelers- 10
Ravens- 14
(Ravens can't lose with Ben on the sidelines, no matter how hard they try.)
Cowboys- 38
Browns- 9
(You thought it was depressing to lose the Series, here is a reality sandwich for you. I hear the Browns are starting some high school kid from Akron. Entire city of Cleveland still has a hangover, stadium empty).
Jaguars- 13
Chiefs- 28
(Jags looking better every week.)
Jets- 10
Dolphins- 42
(Doormat game of the week. Tannehill feasts on worst pass defense in the NFL. Jets prove the win in Cleveland was a flash in the pan. Dolphins lose the next 8 games.)
Lions/Vikings: whoa, this is NOT a doormat game. No prediction. But will be watching.
Panthers- 10
Rams-- 7
(Stiff of the week. LA fans get a tan, but not much else.)
Saints- 38
49ers- 3
(Saints explode. This team is schizophrenic.)
Titans- 10
Chargers- 17
(You HAVE to win this one, SD!)
Colts- 16
Packers- 18
(Two teams with nowhere to go but down. It's a toss up.)
Broncos, Raiders, Bills, Seahawks do not qualify as Doormat games. But either Bills or Seahawks will be back on the deck, looking in, and asking for a beer after this one.)
Patriots do not play. Entire NFL takes a deep breath. It's like when the boss calls in sick.
Gentlemen, make your predictions!
I think the stadium in Cleveland may be actually negative attendance. As in, the only fans in the stands are Cowboy fans. They outnumbered the 49er Faithful earlier this year at Levi's. That's Negative Attendance.
ReplyDeleteso TRUE ! Negative attendance, a new term in fandom
DeleteAgree, we have a new term in Doormat lexicon!
DeleteSpeaking of the Niners, the only thing that threatens their losing is the terrible Saints defense, which could make Kaepernick look like the star of old. For one half, until the Whines run out of coffee, as usual.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, but the JESTS have too many of these 'flash in the pan' victories. Three? THREE?? They need to go on a 5-game losing streak. Now.
Well, the schedule after Miami is LA, New England, Indy, SF, Miami, New England, Buffalo...egad, they will probably win 3 of those games, maybe four, and in the next few weeks will maybe beat LA, get bashed by the Pats, dump Indy, squash SF...that's 2-2 maybe 3-1. I hope they can come to their senses and lose three in a row...
DeleteJags are looking better every week,
ReplyDeleteIn re: to the Packers vs. Colts game, soon we will need an update on the dreaded parity of the NFL. It is one thing to have the doormat teams compete against one another on a weekly basis trying to "out do" the other and lose but when the upper crust of teams starts to not win games they are supposed to win we have the dreaded parity.
Parity is for "participation trophy" people.
DeleteYeah mid-season (when everybody has really played at least 8 games) is a great time to post the Parity Standings.
DeleteCan't disagree with Grant's pics except that maybe the Jets have some fumes left and glide into an upset before they skid off the tarmac and into the Hudson River for good. No Captain Scully for them.
ReplyDeleteThe Jets actually have a decent (#4 in NFL) run defense, and the Dolphins have only one thing going for them- the run. So who wins that battle makes the difference. It will be a total nail-biter in the basement. Miami has an OK pass defense but only 3 INTs for the season. The Flops have a TERRIBLE run defense (Nyets can run), and the Jests are 31st with pass defense. So, basically, it's a game where you are being dared to go against type. A true Doormat ignores that, so that's the key to the game.
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DeleteFins prevailed! And Jests continue to skid toward the Hudson, as DT so aptly put it.
Deletegood comments today, now lets CHECK the SCORES!!!
ReplyDeleteLions won, vikings ship sinking into the icy waters of lake superior.
gags lose again
bucs lose, panthers beat La-lams
my switching teams could come back to haunt me....
and of course the game we all knew the outcome, Browns fall to cowbouys by close to 30 points
Yep, the Vikings can row all they like, but the hole in the ship is taking them down.
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