DOORMAT DIVISION WEAK VII PREVIEW

And now..(drumroll, please)….The BIGGEST DOORMAT game of the year!

San Francisco 0-for-9ers @ the Carolina Pansies !

Will the 0-for-Niners bow to the Pansies?

Though the 0-for-9ers (1-5) actually won a game last week, somewhat spoiling the build-up, this is still THE match-up between the two bumblingest teams in the league, the Buffalo Nils not withstanding. Why? Way more turnovers. These two teams put the ball on the turf or lay into enemy hands with startling regularity. They are #1 and #2 in turnovers. Nobody else is even close. Way more penalties. The Niners set the league high for the season last week- 13 for 143 yards!! That’s more yards going backwards than they got going forwards in the rushing game!!! And they WON. Tells you something about their competition, the Raydurz.

Other than lowlight reels, I haven’t had the pleasure of viewing an entire Pansy tilt, but tomorrow changes all that, so here in the Basement we’ll know so much more come sundown. The Pansies (0-5) are still Unvictorious, and it’s going to take some major Doormat plays to keep their record intact and stay even with the Nils, who as we all know are going for the 0-fer on the season. Can it be that just two seasons later we could have another 0-16 team? It boggles the mind, like Yankee baseball strategy.

Prediction- TOO CLOSE TO CALL!!!!

Nils @ Ravens

Buffalo Bills management petitioned the league offices this week for ANOTHER bye week, but instead they gotta play the Ravens, a week after Baltimore blew the game against the Pats last week. Nils still don’t make a ton of mistakes like other doormat teams….they just don’t do anything at all. It’s lights out in Baltimore.

BLOWOUT OF THE WEEK

Brownie-bake-sale @ Saints

Saints appear to have figured out how to that scoring thing again, and here come the Brownies!! Look Out ! Duck! Cleveland coach Eric Mangini has managed to take a team that won it’s last 4 games of 2009 and brought them right back to strong cellar competition at 1-5. Still, thanks to those 4 wins, they are getting no respect in the Basement. This game should put them firmly back in the Basement firmament as true Gods of Godawful. Mangini gets fired after this one. Maybe they let him get to Weak VIII, just to have that ‘halftime’ feel.

Lambs @ TampaBums

Ok, the Bums still don’t have losing record, but I’m confident they will make it under .500 before the season is over. Lambs WIN.

Raydurz @ Broncos

Here’s another old AFL West match-up that you can’t entirely predict…except that the Raydurz are gonna get killed. Bruce (ow my shoulder) Gradkowski is hurt more often than he is inspiring, so Raydur QB Jason Campbell gets to show why he was run out of Washington on a rail- he can’t make a decision, and he doesn’t get any time to do it anyway. 3 more Seabass FGs and a defensive TD on an INT. Broncos BLOW OUT the Raydurz. Prediction- Raydurz do not get first down until second half.

Gaguars @ Cheaps

I’d love to see my Cheaps keep on losing, but after viewing that Gaguar Monday night debacle, I don’t have much hope. Cripes the Cheaps will still be in first in the AFC West. That’s just craaaaaazy! Cellar ball becomes a Division leader! It’s taking over the NFL!!!!

You know, somebody needs to start doing the Oregon Duck offense in the NFL. It makes one wonder about these hapless teams with no imagination. There’s gotta be something better.

And finally, with great Razzberrys from all the people who had to listen, and a stale beer and a bowl of pretzels saved from when your team last won a meaningful game, WELCOME TO THE DOORMAT DIVISION, DALLAS COWS. You will not win against the Giants on Monday night.

aaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAND that’s the view from the Basement!!!