Doormat Report: The NFC Championship

Alex Smith gets ready to throw it right at Mr. Joseph's head.

New York Giants 20, San Francisco 49ers 17 (OT)

Well, here we are. Our last resurrected doormat team, the last team to lose at least 10 games last year, but make the playoffs this year, has been eliminated. It was a record-setting number (5 teams!!). It’s been uplifting (the Barcalounger made it to the upright position), educating , and surreal (making guacamole in January in the Basement…uncharted territory). At least the avocadoes were on sale. Usually we have to make it out of mashed potatoes and green dye. Tastes about the same, once you’ve had 3 quarts of PBR.

Bye bye to the Houston Texans (6-10 last year, 10-6 this year), Cincinnati Bungles (4-12 last year, 9-7 this year) Denver Buncos (4-12/ 8-8), the Detroit Lions (6-10/10-6) and, finally, the San Francisco 49ers (6-10/ 13-3), this year’s official Amazing Turnaround team.

They almost made it, folks, doing it with a defense that actually knows how to tackle and just grinds you into a pulp. They also did it by not turning the ball over anymore, phenomenal special teams play, and a resurrected QB who stopped running like a chicken with his head cut off and throwing the ball into the dirt and making crucial game killing turnovers.

Until yesterday. Alex Smith, the man who caused a collective groan throughout Northern California when it was announced he was going to be the starting QB this year for the Niners, did an encore performance of Bad Alex yesterday. We hadn’t seen much of Bad Alex this year. He still didn’t turn the ball over, but the rest of his performance was Doormat Special all the way. Giving up on the play early, not throwing it when the timing pattern calls for it, and the receiver actually IS open at the moment intended, throwing the ball low, or just plain skipping it to his receiver, rolling out and throwing way off the mark, and the classic Alex, throwing a flat, level, dart that has a slim chance of getting past the line, or if it does, zero chance of getting past the DB or linebacker covering the man over the middle. How a guy can be in the league 7 years and not learn how to lead a receiver on a short route, and loft the ball over the reach of the defender speaks volumes about that man’s determination and mind-set. It’s very interesting, especially when you are barely 6 feet tall and need every inch you can get.

Nobody goes 1-13 on third downs and goes to the Super Bowl. Except they almost did.

Can’t they get Joe Montana to give him just a COUPLE pointers on loft? Steve Young??

Doormat kudos goes to Kyle Williams, the rookie who had to fill in for Ted Ginn Jr., the best return man in the NFL this year, and a weapon on offense with the reverse play. How did Williams do? He botched a punt that gave the Giants the ball deep in 49er territory and resulted in the 4^th quarter Giants touchdown, and then fumbled the punt in overtime that led to the winning field goal, a total of 10 points that basically handed the game to the Giants. Also, don’t forget: the only reverse of the game in the first quarter was fumbled by Williams, though he did retrieve it. Williams had some great games for the Niners this year, but he is now the goat for the entire off-season, and we are putting up a poster of him on the wall behind the TV (right next to the Raven’s K Billy Cundiff) in honor of his complete Doormat meltdown, single-handedly giving the game away. It’s going to be a LONG winter for Mr. Williams. Somebody keep an eye on that young man.

Side note: Let's not forget that the Ravens used to be the Cleveland Browns, people, and that shanked FG by Cundiff was Blank Helmet Football all the way or I'll eat my Doormat membership card.

And, finally, Doormat Gold honors to Jim Harbaugh, who did a fantastic job with this 49er team this year, but in OT yesterday forgot the most critical axiom- everybody’s tired, and if you’ve got some running backs, RUN THE BALL right over the other team until they prove they can stop it. Don’t have Mr. Throw it Away run the offense.

OK, we’ve grilled the Niners, whose defense played incredible yesterday, but the weak link did them in. That’s how it goes in the big games. Don’t put a rookie in a pressure situation in the big game. He’s going to blow it at some point. You can take that to the bank.

But, you know what? We’ll TAKE from 6-10 to 13-3 (14-4) right now and right up until training camp next year….when they have a new quarterback. Good God, people, we were TERRIBLE last year and for the last 10 years. We made it to the NFC Championship!! The Doormat Division is extreeeeeeeeeeemely proud of the 49ers, and yesterday's loss doesn't diminish that in the slightest. It feels good to have lost a big game, because, by cracky, we were THERE.

aaaAAAAAAAAAnd That’s the View from the Basement!!