Browns still the best
Apologies for getting this out so late, but I blacked out for a whole day, my car was stolen (the Titanic may have finally sunk for the last time), there was a tornado, my wife appeared, I found out I have a job, and a dog followed me home.
Doormat Division Standings Week 2
AFC W - L PF - PA
BROWNS 0 - 2 30 - 54
JAGUARS 0 - 2 37 - 66
BILLS 0 - 2 38 - 50
DOLPHINS 0 - 2 34 - 43
COLTS 0 - 2 55 - 73
NFC W - L PF - PA
BEARS 0 - 2 28 - 52
DEADSKINS 0 - 2 39 - 65
SAINTS 0 - 2 47 - 51
SEAHAWKS 1 - 1 15 - 19
RAMS 1 - 1 9 - 31
THE GAMES
BROWNIES 20, RAVENS 25
Leading 20-2 after one quarter, the Brown-outs staged the Comeback Loss of the Week. They did it carefully, methodically, and with all facets of the game plied to best advantage. But most of all, they coasted the remainder of the game after the victory celebrations at the end of the first quarter. And they did for the home opener. Extra Brownie Points. Super tough game in Miami this week for the Browns. Gonna take some total Blank Helmet Football to nab that loss.
BEARS 14, EAGLES 29
Maybe, finally, Jay Cutler gets to play for a team that is truly, completely, all in on getting that Moldy Carpet Trophy. Another team makes Carson Wentz look great.
BILLS 31, JETS 37
Easily the craziest game of the week. See our write up a couple posts ago. Bills look very promising.
TITANS 16, LIONS 15
Staging a stirring home opener loss at the Kat Box, the Kittens somehow manage to get under the Titanic, which, if you think about, is really amazing. This was mostly achieved by going backwards and digging into the deep kitty litter: 17 penalties for 138 yards! Titanics now in must-lose game next week at home against the Raiders. Detroit travels to Green Bay to help the Packers get well.
SEAHAWKS 3, LAMBS 9
STIFF OF THE WEEK. The Seahags keep making noises like maybe they're a bad team. 15 points in two games is looking like they've got something going on. The Lambs still haven't scored a touchdown this season, but they have a WIN. In a game like this, you are glad you are in a stadium (Los Angeles Coliseum) that puts the fans as far from the action as possible.
BUCCANEERS 7, CARDINALS 40
The Blowout of the Week was a work of art. Bootineer QB Jameis Winston came in with purpose- 4 picks (one pick-six) and a fumble. 5 turnovers is plenty! The Boots defense did the rest.
DOLPHINS 24, PATRIOTS 31
The Floppers should have won this game, if they were thinking that way.
COLTS 20, BRONCOS 34
Two losses to open the season, and suddenly the Clots look promising. Keep an eye on these guys.
JAGUARS 14, CHARGERS 38
If they Chagrins were thinking they could just waltz into Doormat contention, they got a serious education from one of our stalwarts. The Gags took it to them with no defense, 3 turnovers and 13 penalties. Pow! Blam! Bumble!!
SAINTS 13, GIANTS 16
Giants - parity! Ain'ts- maybe just plain bad!!
DEADSKINKS 23, COWBOYS 27
Well, after this flailing exhibit, I'd say the Eagles will clinch the NFC East in Week 8.
NINERS 27, PANTHERS 46
Even with Cam Newton gift wrapping four turnovers, the Niners still had just two scoring drives over more than 11 yards. Whiner defense gives up a spectacular 529 yards.
RAIDERS 28, FALCONS 35
Don't give up on the Black Hole just yet- the Raiders don't have a defense (528 yds allowed!)
NFL WEEK 2 WORST STATS
Points: Seahawks 3
First downs: Chiefs 14
Total Yards: Packers 263
Rush yds: Vikings 30
Pass yds: Colts 170
Yards Allowed: Niners 529 (Raiders 528)
Turnovers: Bucs 5
Punts: Bengals 9
Total Punts: Cin-Pitt 17
Penalties: Lions 17-138
aaaAAAAAnd That's the View From the Basement!!!
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