Monday Night Doormat Lights Out!!

RAMS DESTROY NINERS  0-28

Holy Toledo!  The Los Angeles Lambs wrapped up their season last night.  All done...except for 15 more games.  Mere formality.  

If there was any doubt about that, all you had to do was drink in the long shots of glum Ram fans, glumming out in a glum private fog, deftly bluffing the knowledge that their gloom was being broadcast to all football humans in the football universe.  Glom on that, blue and gold! The Lambs are back in LA!  

WOWEE.  Every Ram possession either ended in a punt, an interception, or loss of downs.  There AREN'T any other possessions, except for end of game.   10 punts! 10 first downs (shoulda been 7), 10 penalties for 102 yards, 3-15 on 3rd down, 185 total yards, 2 interceptions, chaotic defense, chippiness devolving into personal fouls, more chaos, your star defensive player being ejected, a quarterback who looked like he was playing with a broken thumb (but wasn't) and a coach who needs to get 10 losses to be the losingest NFL coach of all time. The only way coach Fisher won't get there is that he'll be fired in 3 games if this keeps up, which would be a shame, because this team could go 0-16.  Look out, Browns, there's a new kid on the block.  

As we pointed out in the last week's preview, Chip Kelly offenses, if you aren't a prepared, quick team in decent shape, will blow you off the field in the first half, and then, when they're just as tired in the 2nd half, try to hold on and win.  This isn't going to work against any actually good NFL teams, so DO try to temper your Niner enthusiasm. Blaine Gabbert, Carlos Hyde and their band of non-famous players strutted some serious mediocrity in the second half, and don't you forget it.  Carlos Hyde, should he stay healthy, is a great running back. Gabbert, if he keeps running around like that, will be on the IR in two weeks. Hello, Colin Kaeperkneel (who, by the way, has actually had a positive effect on his team, the opposite of what was predicted).   

But the Lambs had them so outclassed it was no contest.  

Lambs QB Case Keenum, looking beyond overmatched for an NFL game, is only there to keep the seat warm, and take all the punishment, until golden boy Jared Goff finally gets fitted with some shoulder pads.  Look for that to happen a LOT sooner in La-La land...like in 2 weeks.

NFL WEEK ONE WORST STATS

Points:   0           Lambs

Punts:   10          Lambs

First Downs: 10   Lambs

Penalties: 14/141- Rrraiders (wow)

Total Yards:  160      Bills

Rush:     22/52yds     Cardinals

Pass:    95                 Bils

Yards Allowed:  435   Washington

Sacked:    7/42          Bengals

Turnovers: 3        Broncos (2 int/ 1 fum)

Third down efficiency:  20%  2-10 Browns; 3-15  Rams

Time of Poss:  20:40  BROWNS  (so close to under 20!)

aaaAnd That's the View from the Basement!

-wacko