WEEK VII DOORMAT STANDINGS and WARP OUT

Look now, because it won't last, but only 5 teams have a losing record in the NFC.

DOORMAT DIVISION STANDINGS WEEK 7

AFC               W - L      

BROWNS         0 - 7         

JETS                  2 - 5        

JAGS                 2 - 5

DOLPHINS      3 - 4         

BENGALS        3 - 4        

COLTS              3 - 4        

TITANS            3 - 4        

NFC                   W-L           

BEARS              1 -6       

49ers                  1 - 6       

PANTHERS      1 - 5       

SAINTS             2 - 4       

RAMS               3 - 4

NFC

STIFF OF THE WEEK

SEAHAGS 6,  CRUDINALS 6 (OT)

This is why you don't kick the field goal in overtime.  An old-school dog stiff stare-off into space kinda death rattle of a game.

Hags get 11 first downs.  16 total punts.  Crudinals amass 433 yards, no turnovers, yet get 2 field goals out of it. Somebody throw a blanket over this.

BLOWOUT OF THE WEEK

49ERS 17, BUCS 34

It may not look like it, but this game ended really really early.  The Whiners were up 14-0, and then poof.  34 straight Buc points. Niners lead the league in 3 and outs. Lead the league in fewest penalties, yet have most penalties on 3rd down (offense or defense).  So they are extremely well-timed.  They run out of gas after half-time.  For real.  Gassed. Neither 49er QB is accurate. Christian Ponder just got promoted from the graveyard and will probably be starting in 2 weeks. They've given up 555 yards rushing in the last two games, and the last time that happened, it was 1956, and they were playing in a dump called Kezar Stadium.  

Now they play in a really shiny dump.  Class of the Doormat NFC.

BEARS 10, PACKERS 26

13 first downs, 189 total yards, 10 penalties for 108 yards, 2 interceptions, only 20:24 of possession time (almost beat the magic 20 mark).  Only 5 punts, though, so not a perfect game.  C'mon Bears, you can be worse than this.  Really, you can.

PANTHERS DIDN'T LOSE BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T PLAY.

They'll catch up.  

AFC

BROWNIES 17, BUNGLES 31

The Browns are better than this.  Of course they are.  Certainly.  0-7 just doesn't tell the real story.

Giving up 559 yards helps flesh it out a little, though. Also I think Hulk Hogan took over at QB for a while.  Bring back Chomps.  I guess the Dawg Pound is just a boutique kennel now.  It's all over, the only thing left is to bring Cleveland the Moldy Carpet.  NEXT UP:  THE JETS

JESTS 24, CRAVENS 16

Jests bench QB Fitzy, throw Doormat all-star Geno Smith out there, looks like another easy loss but what happens?  Smith gets hurt, then the curse of the spurned starter rears it's ugly head.  Fitzy plays like last year, suddenly and alarmingly leading the Jets to victory.  Raven-Poes: 11 first downs, 3 turnovers, 6 punts, 245 puny yards...they could lose 10 in a row, if we add a game. Jets now two games off the pace and heading to next week's gigantic showdown with the Brownies.  Say it ain't so, Joe.

GAGUARS 16, RAIDERS 33

Gags manage to look absolutely hopeless against the worst defense in the AFC.  Man, these guys could run the table.  

FLOPPERS 28, BILLS 25

Dolphins have now averaged over 300 yards rushing for the last two games.  What the hell has gone wrong down in Miami?!  They are just mowing people down.  Go for it, guys.  Try on something new.

TITANICS 26,  DOLTS 34

And here we thought these two teams were the worst of the AFC South. We're just ashamed we did not respect and trust our old stalwarts in Jacksonville.  Jags, you can have any seat in the house.  Please forgive us.  We will never turn our backs on you, again.

I must skip the countr-   I mean, I am going on a short vacation this week, as per suggestions from various people in Vegas.  I will miss the next weekend-  including the humongous Browns-Jets game (BROWNS WIN).  Keep the grill coffee warm for me boys, I'll be back for breakfast.  

aaaAAAAAAnd That's the View From the Basement!!!!