WEEK FOUR WRAP-UP AND DISPOSAL!!

THE GAMES

And then there was 1.  The Cleveland Brownies are solidly in the Champion's Barcalounger in the basement this morning, snoring up a storm and sleeping it off.  And why not?  At 0-4, they are the ONLY un-victorious team left in the entire NFL. Though they have plenty of company by the old Zenith and the lifetime supply of cheeseballs (thank you, Miami), the view from the basement, through the sliding door, is of an unexpected crew out on the patio, hovering over the embers of the grill, their lonely stares asking to be let in- the Chiefs (Cheaps!), the Panthers (Pansies!), and the Crudinals!  

But we're going to let them stay out there until the temperature drops a little, they have to warm up our coffee for us (you've never had BBQ'd coffee?), and perhaps one of them will cave and eat that last weenie, shriveled and black, off the grill.  We can't just hand it to them. Not the weenie, stupid, entrance into the Basement.

6 a.m. Game

COLTS  27,  JAGUARS 30 

The only explanation for this, if we're going to ignore the actual game, is that the Gags have played one too many games in London (isn't this 4 now??) and it feels like a home game, and so they won.  But winning at home hasn't gotten in the way of the Gags losing at home very often, so let's credit the Clots for falling way way way behind and then staging the Futile Comeback of the week.  Clots, Gags and Titanics are ALL 1-3, thus handing the AFC South to the Toxins, once again paving the way for them to enter the playoffs and get absolutely creamed by a real team. I can't see this changing. 12 more games, so what?

The rest:

BILLS 16 ,  PATRIOTS 0  

The Nils win two in a row and caught the Patriots at just right moment, when the gas tank of 'we win no matter who is playing' finally went dry.  One touchdown and 4 field goals is no juggernaut, but 2-2 is 2-2.  Thank you, Buffalo, for keeping the AFC North vaguely close. Brady Bunch returns next week, right?

BROWNIES 20 , DEADSKINKS  31 

4 games in, and the Brownies are proving to be the red zone charity.org of the NFL.  'Skins 4-4 (all TDs) in the red zone Sunday.  The Blanks gave fans false hope (still ahead going into the 4th) and then cratered in the final quarter. 3 turnovers and 100 yards in penalties held down victory. 

Tom Brady returns to the Pats and comes to Cleveland next week.  God I'd love it if the Blank Helmets got off the deck and clocked these guys.  Be there.

LIONS 14, BEARS 17

If you can't beat the Bears....you've got a shot in the Doormat!!   The Kittens are now 1-3 and you just have to love how they can give anybody hope.  Next buck-up for the opponent: Eagles at the Kat Box.  

CARDINALS 13, RAMS 17

Get 12 first downs and win. The Lambs should be 0-4, shouldn't they?  They're 3-1 and it's the Crudinals, down there with the 49ers, in the NFC West hole.  NFC Worst, for SURE.

BUCS 7, BRONCOS  27

Well, thank goodness at least one of our Doormat perennials knows how to take care of business.  Stop it with the scoring, commit turnovers, punt (7 times the high yesterday, sheesh), and flat out lose the game at home and bore your fans to death.

PANTHERS 33, FALCONS 48

All I know is the Panthers aren't bothering with a post Super Bowl victory let-down.  They're doing it without the trophy.  1-3 and tied with the Bucs and S'Ain'ts.  But they have to play Tampa next Monday, and they'll find out what losing properly really is like. Posers.

TITANS 20, TEXANS 27

What can we say?  The Texans were poised to lose yet again, but Marcus Mariota is still engineering defeat (3 turnovers), and the Titanics paved a punt return for the go-ahead TD for the Toxins.

JETS 17, SEAHAGS 27

No matter how much you may think you are struggling, just play the Jets and you'll see what self-destruction is.  Jets QB Ryan Fitzpatrick only needed half of his interception output from last week - 3 instead of 6.  That's called being efficient.  

CHARGERS 34, SAINTS 35

No matter how far ahead, nor how many points you have, nor how many yards you pile up, the San Diego Chagrins can get the job done.  Saints finally win a game, and another wild Doormat game is played in San Diego, and the Bolts stay in the hunt at 1-3.

CHIEFS 14, STEELERS 43

This game should have been 43-0, if it weren't for garbage time.  Oh well, I just have to accept it.  The Cheaps are 1-3...are they really back?  Let's see how well they warm up the Nescafe.

49ERS 17, DALLAS 24

The Whiners jumped out to a 14 point lead, got scared, and hit the brakes.  49er LB Navarro Bowman went out in the 3rd quarter with an injury, and the Cows immediately went right to his spot and chewed up the Whiners. More than half of Levi's Stadium in Santa Clara was filled with Cowboy fans.  That's what happens when you have a Doormat contender, you haven't drafted a QB in 5 years, your ticket prices are through the roof, and there are other things to do...like water the lawn with recycled bath water.   

I gotta run-  we're out of Cheese Balls already-  I'll be back with the standings and stats later today!!

aaaaAAAAAnd That's the View from the Basement!!!!