BROWNS CONTINUE TO DOMINATE, MOLDING HISTORY
Like a river burning through the darkest night of football nightmare, the Cleveland Browns are the last team remaining with a perfect record in the NFL in 2016 (except for the 5-0 Vikings, knucklehead -ed). And if you can't jump into the oil-and-sludge flames of the Cuyahoga and start swimming hard, you will not catch them.
DOORMAT DIVISION STANDINGS WEEK 5
AFC W - L PF - PA
BROWNS 0 - 5 87 - 148
DOLPHINS 1 -4 88 - 119
JETS 1 - 4 92 - 136
CHARGERS 1 - 4 152 - 142
JAGUARS 1 - 3 84 - 111
TITANICS 2 - 3 92 - 101
NFC W - L PF - PA
BEARS 1 - 4 85 - 126
49ers 1 - 4 111 - 140
PANTHERS 1 - 4 124 - 135
BUCS 2 - 3 94 - 142
SAINTS 1 - 3 114 - 130
GIANTS 2 - 3 89 - 108
BROWNS 13, PATRIOTS 33
When long-time Doormat All-Star Charlie "Clip-Board Jesus" Whitehurst steps onto the field, everyone in the Basement stands up, salutes, and throws a bowl of Cheese Balls into the air. You know you've got the game in the bag. Above-average Brownie QB Cody Kessler, who actually looks competitive, took it on the chest yesterday and got knocked out of the game in the first half. He engineered one sharp drive for a TD. After that the Brown-outs threw Terrelle Pryor out there for 2 passes, saw the error of their ways, and inserted Whitehurst to close out the loss and not threaten the red zone. (note- Whitehurst hyper-extended his knee late in the 4th quarter, so...Pryor may be starting at QB next week). That's 5 QBs that have thrown at least 5 passes for the Blank Helmets already this year. Remember RGB III? I don't.
Same Old Browns? I don't think so. This is the Browns team to out-Brown any Browns team that ever Browned around with being the worst team in the league. Whitehurst last won a game in 2014 when his Titanics edged the Gaguars for winless-ness. He's won two games, all-time, since entering the league in 2006. Jeez we gotta chip in and buy him some flowers. Or a half-gallon of gin. Or at least some good sandals and a toga.
Oh, by the way, Pats QB Tom Brady racked up 403 yards passing, so don't just go giving the Browns offense all the credit, here. Huge game next week against the Titanics. Browns should nail it.
LIONS 24, EAGLES 23
See Walkfish's special write-up on this one. Upset of the week!
BEARS 23, COLTS 29
The Colts may be bad, but not bad enough. Another high-yardage Doormat entertainment package for the fans. daBares pile up 522 total yards and LOSE! They can do anything.
DOLPHINS 17, TITANICS 30
Titanics QB Marcus Mariota did not throw an interception and did not fumble the ball away.
If he keeps doing that, the Titanics (2-3) will exit the Basement in two weeks. The Dolphins again lead the league with only 8 first downs this week, amassing a measly 200 yards of offense, and threw in a couple turnovers to stay well back of the red zone. Classic single touchdown drive (the other a punt return).
The Floppers have to just lose the next two weeks before the big divisional game with the Jets (1-4). Be there for that one.
CHARGERS 31, RRRRAIDERS 34
The DREW KASER game. Are the Chagrins really doing this? They are! In their first 3 losses, the Blots were leading with 2 minutes to go, yet found a way to blow it. They lead the league in fumbles (8). Yesterday, they blew the lead earlier, but punter Drew Kaser has to get the game ball here. Already starting the crumble with a Charger fumble and ensuing TD by the Raiders to give up the lead in the third quarter, punter Kaser entered and shanked off a 16 yard punt to the Charger 32 on the next 'drive' to set up another RRRaiders TD, ballooning the lead to 34-24. Not content to just lose there, Philip Rivers rallied the Charred back to 34-31 with 2:00 to go and in place for a game-tying field goal from the Oakland 18. Kaser, the placeholder, feeling the moment, muffed the perfectly fine snap, blowing the shot at overtime and the game. You have to feel for the guy, of course, but, on the other hand WOWEE the Chagrins found another way to blow a game. What next?
JETS 13, PITTSBURGH 31
The most common palindrome score in football happened twice yesterday (Texans-Vikes, as well), and the Jets hammered home another loss, yet doing it without a single interception by league INT leader Ryan Fitzpatrick. This time, they just did it the old-fashioned way, scoring all their points in the first half and ceasing play after halftime, getting swarmed over by the Bumblebees (throw-back unis!) for the final 30 minutes.
BILLS 30, RAMS 19
The Rams (3-2) are still in first in the NFC West, but...c'mon.
TEXANS 13, VIKINGS 31
The Texans (3-2) are still in first place in first place in the AFC south, but...C'MON
Around the league: Bengals look like they could slide back into the basement soon, 2-3 and dropping. Same with the Giants (2-3) could lose every single remaining divisional game.
NFL WORST STATS WEEK 5
We have to wait until tonight's game ENDS!!
aaaAAAaAAnd That's The View from the BASEMENT!!!!
going into the 5th game the chargers were leading the league in game time with the LEAD. Over 150 mins. of game time, yet only 1 win. The next closest was the Pats at 131 with 3 wins (and a whole 60mins of not leading in game 4).... so we need to congratulate them buoys in San Diego. they really know how to blow a lead, the punter taking control yesterday. WOW. and what can we say about the bi-polar La-lambs ?
ReplyDeleteChargers also have given up more points in the 2nd half than anybody. The point differential is something like 100-50 for their 2nd halves.
ReplyDeleteHoly COW the Panthers LOST AGAIN!!! Your Bucs, what is going ON?
ReplyDelete