DOORMAT WEEK 10: BEACHING THE WHALE

Been a lot of demonstrators passing by the patio this week.  We've kept the grill going with our special 'grilled' coffee available to anyone who wandered over.  Hickory chips and coffee really ain't bad.

OK, we're at the Parity Peak now.  It can't get any more parity-itious than this.  And, at times like these, it takes special fortitude, nay near Herculean strength and determination to land that big damn fish/mammal onto the shore and call it a complete loss for another week.  All of our leaders- the Bears, the Browns, the Niners, the Jaguars and the Jets- Beached the Whale this week, and every one was unique.

Butt first, the standings:


DOORMAT DIVISION WEEK 10

AFC
Cleveland -    0-10
Jacksonville - 2-7
NY Jets -       3-7
San Diego -   4-6
Cincinnati -   3-4-1
Indianapolis -4-5


NFC
San Francisco - 1-8
Chicago - 2-7
Carolina - 3-6
Tampa Bay - 4-5
Los Angeles - 4-5
Green Bay     4-5

BROWNS 7, RAVENS 28
We already covered it, but the second half melt-down (2 INT, 1 lost fumble) was a thing of beauty.
0-10.  Worst Browns ever and that is really really really saying something.

BEARS 10, BUCS 36
Bears employed the 'offense in first half only' strategy, and, combined with an iron-clad plan to get the Bucs in the endzone first, beached the whale.  Bears QB Jay Cutler got the Bears going in reverse in the first quarter with a pick-six at his own 20,  followed that up with 4 sacks, 2 fumbles- one for a safety- another interception and...who needs to punt with this kind of attack? Why worry?

JETS 6, RAMS 9
SNORE.  ZZZZ.  Stiff of the WEEK. 15 punts, without a single exciting return. LORD. A hard fought battle to emerge as loser, but the Jets' lone touchdown included the blown PAT, so all they had to do was keep that rookie QB out there for the whole game (Fitz injured), accomplish nothing, bore the home crowd to death, and beach the whale. Rams tried valiantly- I mean, 9 points should lose the damn game, but no dice here, Lambies.  3 field goals wins it.

JAGS 21,  TEXANS 24
The Jags took control early with QB Blake Bortles nailing a 42-yard pick-six on the first possession. Finishing the game with a late drive that makes the score LOOK close, but still preserves the loss, is becoming a Gaguar trademark. Houston got only 16 first downs, but this didn't get them any cred.

49ERS 20, ARIZONA 23
Next to the Saints stunning blocked PAT run back for a 2 point conversion to hand Denver a victory, this game had the best 'beaching' of the weekend.  Normally a team that only tries in the first half, this time the Whiners were in a real battle.  Just say CARSON PALMER to any old Cincinnati Bengals fan, and they know what we mean.  Cardinal QB Palmer came loaded for losin' yesterday, with 2 killer interceptions and a lost fumble (with running back J.J. Nelson chipping one in for good measure) to keep the Whiners in a battle that they couldn't just outright lose.  With time running out, the Cardinals got the Whiners all the way down the field and spectated while Colin Kaepernick trotted in for the tying touchdown. But NEVER fear, sports fans. With less than two minutes on the clock, it was more than enough time for the worst 49er defense of all time to get the Cards ALL THE WAY down the field for a chip shot field goal -that no kicker can really get away with shanking- for the 8th straight loss, 8th straight game allowing 100-yard runner, and BEACHING THE WHALE on the shores of San Francisco Bay...leave it there...all week.

CHARGERS 24, DOLPHINS 31
Throwing a 60 yard pick-six for the game-losing touchdown, Chagrins QB Philip Rivers keeps the looming spectre of a 5-5 record at bay, and keeps the Charr-gers (4-6) out by the grill, serving coffee for at least one more week.  The team that finds more ways to blow a lead is back!  On the flipside, the Dolphins have now won 4 straight to improbably own a 5-4 record.  Go Flops!!

SAINTS 23, BRONCOS 25
Good god, it doesn't get any more embarrassing than that. Blocked extra point (for the win) at game's end turns into 100 yard runback for 2 points to nail down the loss. At home. Broncos never knew what hit them.  Still New Orleans at 4-5 doesn't get them in the basement or even on the patio, so- see what you can do next week, guys.  We'll think about it.

PACKERS 25, TITANS 47
Packers pull out all the stops and get shellacked by the Titanics.  Packers look legitimately bad.  Pretty impressive.  Titans beginning to forget how to make crucial mistakes and holy cow they blow out the Meatpackers.  Phew- put that blubber back in the freezer!!


aaaaaAAAAAaaaANd That's the View from the Basement!!!