 |
| Hey, you forgot to turn on the oven! |
I have to say, it was kinda weird watching a team called the Redskins playing a team called the Cowboys on Thanksgiving Day. Makes me think of an old Stan Freberg record. "What do you mean you cooked the Turkey? It was supposed to be eagle! Everybody's ready to eat, even started on their little nut cups already. And who invited the Indians?" If you don't know what I am talking about, look up and listen to Stan Freberg Presents the United States of America. Considering recent events, it just might make your day. OK, got sidetracked, sorry. Back to football.
But first our Thanksgiving dinner. Someone (maybe me) forgot to turn on the oven (see photo above) so the turkey was a little underdone. Our neighbor had a solution. He fired up his industrial propane torch, speared the turkey on some rebar he had in the garage, and our bird was cooked in about 15 minutes. Just to finish it off and give it that Southern flavor, we filled a garbage can with cooking oil, lit it on fire, and tossed it in for five minutes. Mmm, mmm, good. We were so excited about the turkey being done we forgot to put out the fire. Good thing my neighbor has insurance.
All right, all right, I will get to the predictions. This week it is especially interesting because it is time for our annual "Turkey Game of the Week" prediction. Of all the games being played, which one will be the worst? It does not necessarily have to be Doormat teams. For example, this Oracle is taking the Chiefs vs. Broncos (Ugh, another Thanksgiving game with Indians fighting Broncos (which Cowboys ride, pard'ner). Both of these teams, well, the Broncos anyway, have a shot at a Super Bowl appearance this year. Yet they both play the most boring football. Look for this game to be under 20 points.
And for the rest of the predictions, with all the turkey eaten, the Oracle spins an empty bottle of Cutty Sark and prognosticates:
Titans- 28
Bears- 12
Jaguars- 13
Bills- 17
Bengals- 21
Ravens- 24
(How the "F" are the Cravens 5-5?)
Cardinals- 10
Falcons- 42
(Sayonara, Cards)
NY Giants- 36
Browns- 12 (4 field goals, one with 30 seconds on the clock)
Rams- 10
Saints- 14
(This might be a turkey of a game, too)
49ers- 7
Dolphins- 17
(Wow, fins have won 5 in a row. Though I am picking them to win, this might be the perfect storm for 49ers to play a decent game and the fins to stumble and lose.)
Chargers- 21
Texans- 14
(Please, Chargers, win this game!)
Seahawks- 38
Buccaneers- 3
(Hawks soaring, look out Cowboys)
Panthers- 10
Raiders- 13
(I hope. Geez, this might be the weekend the Panthers decide to start playing great again.)
Patriots- 50
Jets-2
(Brady continues his 2016 F-U NFL Tour)
Packers- 24
Eagles- 17
(Pack will probably not win, but that's my pick. Hard to believe they are a Doormat qualifier right now.)
Gentlemen, make your predictions! (And don't forget your "Turkey of the Week" pick.)
If these comments would let me post a pic, I'd have a Turkey of the Week for you. We implemented a new recipe last night: "Dropped Turkey." First cook the turkey for much much much too long. then, when preparing to move the turkey from the pan to the cutting board, place the cutting board a good 4 feet away from the pan, thus necessitating needing to LIFT the turkey in the air and convey it, like a long bomb, across the great divide to the goal line. Then, using the hugest single meat fork you have, spear the turkey through the 'neck hole' and quickly lift it, so that you will not notice that, in fact, the turkey no longer has actual substance. Have a brief moment of hope, and then move towards the cutting board in a swift motion while the entire bird disassembles and lands on the filthy kitchen throw rug. After allowing for too much time to pass by (5-second rule be damned), gather turkey in hands (kinda hot) and hurl up onto the counter. I mean- not that hurl- heave the turkey up onto the counter. That doesn't sound right either. Anyway, it saves a lot of carving time, let me tell you.
ReplyDeleteI'm still crying from laughing so hard. Best birthday present so far.
DeleteMy God that is funny too bad it is true. Got a pic? Send it to me...
DeleteNIners-Dolphins will be Turkey of the Week. Jags-Bills comes in 2nd. Dolphins offensive line, once again, in complete disarray, and the Niners continue to get Yorked around on a daily basis. Even their new home town, Santa Clara, hates them beyond description, and it hasn't even been 3 full seasons in that hellhole. Since the Seahawks ate turkey on the 50-yard line (on Thanksgiving) of Levi Stadium 2 years ago, the Whiners have gone 7-24. The Whiners ARE the Turkey of the Week, every week.
ReplyDeletea lot of “turkey” games this week.... Bears-titanics, sloppy with a capital S, Packers-Eagles, pathetic and poorly played on both ends.... LaLaams-‘saints interception and fumbles fest. but the game we’ll be watching in the bay area is the whiners- floppers, and we’ll be watching with one eye closed for safety sakes. skampernick’s lame duck passes are sure thing of beauty. what happened to the back up QB that started the season ? and don’t forget about the dreaded half time, whiners need at least a 30 point lead to pull off the upset after withstanding a furious comeback by the fins in the 2nd half!!
ReplyDeleteSeeing Scott Tolzien trotted out there for the Colts yesterday reminded me of when he was Kaep's backup a couple years ago. The guy never ever gets into games. And there he was, starting for the Colts. And, in case you were starting to think that maybe Andrew Luck really isn't all that good.....without him, the Colts are zilch.
ReplyDelete