WEEK 11 WRAP-UP AND BAR-BE-CUE

DOORMAT DIVISION WEEK 11

AFC
Cleveland -    0-11
Jacksonville - 2-9
NY Jets -        3-7
Cincinnati -    3-6-1
San Diego -    4-6

NFC
San Francisco - 1-9
Chicago -          2-8
Los Angeles -   4-6
Carolina -         4-6
Green Bay        4-6

THE LEAGUE:

The Cleveland Blank Helmets are in stretch drive mode, now, with only 5 games to go and a winless season in sight.

The Brown-outs remaining 'games':

NY Giants   (tickets for $12 available now!)
Cincinnati  (dangerous!)
@ Buffalo
San Diego
@ Pittsburgh

The only game that looks like a teetering fright is the Bengals game on Dec. 11th.   Bungles, 3-6-1, are back in the thick of the Doormat squalor, and welcome back guys.  We never tore the Bungle stickers off the barcalounger.  We'd never do that.

Hot on their heels are the San Francisco 49ers (1-9), whose offense is playing with some focus, but execution is just spotty enough to derail themselves, and their mastery of the ill-timed penalty is a big help. They lead the league in 3rd down penalties.  The real secret to the 49ers, though, is the complete lack of half-time adjustments (the Whiners never score in the third quarter.  It's something like 6 points for the whole season), and the fact that the defense just runs out of gas in the mid-third quarter every game.

THE GAMES

BROWNS 9, STEELERS 24
Browns play 2 quarterbacks.  8 sacks. It's nice to share.  Cleveland iced the game with a fumble in the end zone for a Steeler touchdown.  Excellent.

FORTY-NINERS 17,  PATRIOTS 30
It rained so hard it masked how nobody sits in the $$$ seats even when the weather is nice. It also kept the Whiners in the game...until the 4th quarter when the wheels always come off for the D...because the offense does nothing for the entire 3rd quarter...because the coaching staff..it all adds up to 9 straight losses and 5 straight games of 400+ yards allowed.

BUNGLES 12, BILLS 16
Yes a record 12 missed Extra Points in the NFL yesterday, but here, HERE they Bungles missed TWO, and made it so their last gasp final drive couldn't be ended with a tying or winning field goal.  That is some serious thinking ahead by coach Marvin Lewis.  At 3-6-1, the Bungles are BACK.

BUCS 19, CHEIFS 17
The Chiefs finally scored a couple touchdowns, but nowadays that is not enough against the 5-5 Bucs who are, good god, threatening to exit the Basement for the season.  6-10, 2-14 (Doormat Champs), and 4-12 the last three seasons, the Bucs just maybe will be leaving us.  Woo-Hoo!!

PACKERS 23,  WASHINGTON 42
OK, the Packers are the real deal.  4-6-  still only 2 games out of first.  But, come ON.  Have you watched these guys lately?  They can't get out of their own way.  6-10 entirely possible.

STIFF OF THE WEEK
LAMBS 10,  DOLPHINS 14
18 punts. Nothing doing for 3 1/2 quarters.  Jared Goff starts at QB for Rams and does nothing. Not even an interception.  Snore. Dolphins looked like absolute kee-rap for 3 1/2 quarters yesterday, and then BOOM the Lamb defense ceased to exist, like an L.A. producer who really liked your work.  Let's do lunch REAL SOON (with other people).  Lambs, once 3-1, now 4-6.  Dolphins have won 5 straight and hope to bury bury bury the Niners at sea next week.

BEARS 16, GIANTS 22
Bears were ahead at one point.  Really.  Go look it up.  They beat the point spread (7.5).  That's all that matters...apparently.   Nov. 27th  BEARS host the FORTY-NINERS.  What a match-up.  It's for all the NFC marbles.  Don't screw it up and win a game next week, either or youse guys.

GAGUARS 19, LIONS 26
Gags were dangerously ahead for most of the game, but pulled it out in the 4th quarter with handy defensive collapse.  Jag QB Blake Bortles (belch that name 4 times after guzzling a Pabst 20 ouncer) chips in with brilliant second half start- throwing a pick-six.  Man, those half-time adjustments are the cornerstone of great losing football.

The JETS had the week off.  And just how off will they be next week?

aaaaAAANDThat's the View from the Basement!!!!!